


Second Choices and Chances

by NovemberRose



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Friendship, Love Triangles, M/M, Romance, Semi AU, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-09-23 21:42:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 67,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9679892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NovemberRose/pseuds/NovemberRose
Summary: What if Vilde had asked Isak to "get Chris?"  A semi-AU of the first three seasons centered around Isak.





	1. This is Chris

**Author's Note:**

> There's been a lot of good Isak/Chris fics lately and I got inspired to do one of my own. Starts off with them but will end in Even/Isak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's been a lot of good Isak/Chris fics lately and I got inspired to do one of my own. Starts off with them but will end in Even/Isak.

“Eva, hey!" 

Isak jogged up to the girl in question who was taking her books out from her locker. She looked up at him with a sweet, unassuming smile. He and Eva had been friends as long as he and Jonas had and he was grateful to have her even if sometimes he resented her. He knew it was awful but when she started dating Jonas, he became the third wheel and Jonas always put her first. He wanted that with someone: his mom is too messed up to give him her full attention, his dad is too focused on his mom and their issues to do it, his sister doesn’t live with them anymore and barely visits because of their parents and his two best friends are “in love” so he comes second to both. There’s not a single person focused on him.

“What’s up, Isak?” She asked when he reached her, throwing her backpack over her shoulder. 

“Jonas said you two are going to a party tonight, can I come? He said to ask you since it’s your thing.” He hated that Jonas made him ask Eva, why couldn’t he just come? It wasn’t like it was her party and she had just as many friends as he did. If Eva and Jonas were broken up, he wouldn’t have to jump through hoops to go to a damn party.

“I don’t know Isak…I kind of wanted it to be just Jonas and I. You’re already coming to the cabin with us, you know?” She felt guilty, and had difficulty looking him in the eye. She didn’t want to leave Isak out, but it would be nice to spend some alone time with her boyfriend without their friend following them around. The funny thing is, if Jonas wasn’t going, she’d love for Isak to come so she’d have a friend. He was the only friend she had.

“I know, but maybe if I go, I’ll meet someone and I won’t bother you so much.” He gave her a sarcastic grin so she wouldn’t take him too seriously but he was genuinely pissed off.

“Isak, I didn’t mean it like that.” Her guilt was stronger now; if the roles were reversed, she’d be furious at him for leaving her out. Eva knew she and Isak actually have a lot of insecurities in common. They don’t have a lot of people in their lives besides each other and Jonas, they both spend a lot of time alone, and they both hold it all inside . They should probably talk about it together and grow closer, but why do that when they can both bottle it all up? “Of course, you should come.”

“Thanks Eva, I promise not to cock block you.” He winked, chuckling as she cringed at him. Maybe he would meet someone at the party though and then maybe he wouldn’t feel so much anger and bitterness towards his two best friends.

The party finally came, and Isak wished he’d stayed home. These two weird theatre kids kept trying to dance with them, Ingrid and Sara kept glaring at Eva like she’d killed their mums (as bitter as he was himself, he was #TeamEva regarding that drama), and Jonas and Eva kept whispering to each other. He sipped his drink and surveyed the room hoping a girl would catch his eye and then he could pretend he didn’t have a crush on his best friend and move on. He was still hoping his feelings for Jonas or his lack of interest in girls was a phase, that one day he’d wake up and be just like other guys. He gave up on his search and excused himself to the bathroom, thinking of how to leave without admitting how miserable he was. He was cut off by a blonde girl running to the bathroom in tears. Misery loves company, he figured, so he followed her.

“Are you okay?” He asked her tentatively. She looked up at him, her eyes red and glassy and she shook her head. She started to shrink away from him and he internally slapped himself because of course girls don’t like it when you follow them into a bathroom. “Do you want me to get someone, like a friend?” She wiped her eyes, and she seemed relieved at the suggestion.

“Can you get Chris?” Her voice was so small and scared that he actually really felt for her. He nodded quickly and rushes off but stopped in his tracks when he realized he doesn’t know anyone so he’ll have to start asking random strangers if they knew someone named Chris. He has to though, he can’t just leave her alone and crying making him the biggest dick of the night. 

Some people ignored him, some shook their heads, but eventually someone pointed out “Chris.” He turned to look and, finally, unfortunately, someone in this party caught his interest. Sure, he had one of those douchey moustaches but he was the first person since Jonas to make his heart beat faster. What really did it was this guy seemed to be enjoying himself as he danced off beat to some techno remix, not even looking at anyone else. Isak didn’t know how long he’d been staring before some drunk girl knocked into him breaking him out of his trance. He shook himself off and made his way over to Chris, who quirked an eyebrow at him; a gesture that gave Isak butterflies. He was looking at Isak like he was curious about him, like there was something he found entertaining about this encounter.

“This girl in the bathroom is asking for you.” He leaned in to whisper on his ear, jumping away when Chris’ hand grazed his waist. “She’s crying.” 

“Okay.” Chris’ eyes were playful, like he didn’t believe Isak. Isak tensed when he realized why Chris probably thought he was trying to get him alone in a bathroom. He was actually grateful that there was, in fact, a crying girl in the bathroom. When they got back there, there was another girl who seemed to be calming her down as they worked out what was going on.

“Sorry to interrupt but I got Chris.” The two girls stared at him like he was the weirdest person they’d ever met.

“Here I am!” Chris threw up his hands and smiled at the pair who gave him the same confused look.

“This is Chris.” The blonde gestured to her friend who repeated the same statement.

“Are you also called Chris?” Male Chris asked female Chris and both lit up and embraced over their “twin names.” Once the moment was over, they broke away and an awkward wave washed over all four of them.

“I don’t mean to be rude but we’re kind of in the middle of something so…” The blonde looked at both boys who took the hint and walked off.

“Sorry, she just said Chris and someone directed me to you.” Isak muttered as they left the bathroom.

“No problem bro. Want to wait around? Maybe when they’re done with their girl drama, they’ll want to hook.” Chris bit his lip and raised his eyebrows mischievously. Isak’s heart was racing again and he hated what he was thinking of doing with Chris right now. He should’ve thought this was about Eva or those girls not Jonas and Chris. He couldn’t like boys, he wouldn’t.

“No, I’m not going to hit on a girl who’s crying.” Isak shook his head and he knew he was full of shit. Morals weren’t what was holding him back from wanting to kiss those girls.

“Then I’ll do it, you can have her friend…unless you’d rather it just be us.” Chris slung an arm around him and Isak felt his heart leap into his throat and he couldn’t think of any reply. “You don’t want to hook up with them, do you? You wanna hook up with me?” He couldn’t tell if Chris was serious and he had no idea how to respond. Fake a laugh? Say no and push him off? Say yes and go for it AKA the idea that the deepest most ignored part of his heart, mind, and body wanted? He must have looked as anxious as he felt because Chris moved away slowly. “Just a joke, have a little humor.” There was pity in his eyes, as if he knew what Isak couldn’t even admit to himself.

“Sorry, just a weird night.” He turned his back to walk off wishing he did have some humor.

“Hey, wait.” Chris took his arm and Isak jumped out of his skin. “You’re the most jumpy person I’ve ever met, Jesus. Are you okay? Do you want me to get a friend for you?” Chris was honestly just teasing but Isak had never felt more immature. 

“I’m fine and I don’t need some smirking asshole with a gross moustache and a fedora trying to help.” He was overreacting and he knew it but he couldn’t stop himself lately. The resentment he felt for everyone in his world was increasing and as long as he kept it inside, it would keep getting worse. But, who do you spill your guts to when you’re a little angry at everyone close to you? Chris let go of his arm and Isak made a quick escape so he wouldn’t have to face what he’d just done.

“Feisty, I like it!” He heard Chris call after him and he wanted the ground to swallow him whole. He had to get out of here, and fast, he’d had enough of other people for one night. He spotted Eva and Jonas who were chatting up a blonde with short hair and bright red lips. Normally he’d be jealous that they were occupied by someone else but he was grateful they were distracted so he could make his getaway.

As he walked home, he stewed in self-pity over how sensitive he was. Why does he care that Jonas doesn’t want him? Why does he care that his parent’s marriage was falling apart and his mom was crazy? Why does he care that his sister never calls? Why does he care that Chris made his heart race? None of these people consider his feelings, so why does he let everything get to him? Maybe if he showed all of them the same lack of concern, they’d notice and miss him…or he’ll completely lose everyone.

He’ll always be everyone’s second choice and he’ll always walk alone crying over it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isak will be a bit disgruntled (esp towards poor Eva) and lash out at the start, he's overflowing with feelings. 
> 
> Thoughts? Criticism? Love? A need to rant that there's no season 4 trailer? Leave it all below!


	2. Pretty Pathetic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris and Isak begin their flirtation.

Isak was delighted. 

Eva and Jonas had been a disaster at the cabin and Eva had a new friend occupying her time: Noora. He ignored Jonas’ joke that if he got together with her, they could double and focused on the fact that he’d see less of Eva and Jonas. He knew it was spiteful and dramatic but the jealousy was swallowing him whole. Even if he wasn’t Jonas’ “first choice”, he was still getting more of his time and that was something. At least he wasn't as lonely. 

He’d also been avoiding Chris as if he didn't desperately want to see him again. If he saw him at school, he’d turn the other way and hide until the coast was clear. He knew that this was pathetic but Chris made him feel things, things he wasn’t ready to feel or even admit that he felt. What Jonas made him feel was comfortable, familiar, and safe but with Chris, he felt excitement and danger. Each time he saw him across the yard or though about the way he'd touched him, his heart felt like it was going to escape his chest.

“Well hi there.” Isak jumped out of his skin and slammed his locker shut over the impish voice in his ear. He turned quickly to see Chris behind him, wagging his eyebrows as his tongue “innocently” poked out of his mouth. This sneak attack was going to be his undoing.

“Hi.” Damn it, his voice sounded so high-pitched and he knew his face was turning red.

“Just wanted to say I’m glad you’re alive. I saw you leave the party alone, got worried you might have been murdered.” He wanted to believe Chris actually had spent time worrying about him but he didn’t want to get his hopes up.

“I’m a big boy, I can get home on my own.” He regretted the words the second they left his mouth and saw Chris grinning from ear to ear. Damn, that grin.

“Are you? Good to know. By the way, you don’t have to hide from me when you see me around.” Isak had gone from red to crimson now and the sad reality is, he’d let Chris shove him against his locker and do whatever he wanted. “I’ll see you around.” He raised his eyebrows and looked Isak up and down before sauntering off. 

“Fuck.” Isak whispered to himself and took a few deep breaths to avoid being a jumpy mess in class. At least the encounter had ended before anything more than some embarrassment could occur.

Later on, he, Eva, and Jonas sat in the hallway doing some homework. Well, he and Jonas were talking about their papers while Eva sat there bored out of her mind. He took some satisfaction in knowing he could steal Jonas’ attention from her like this.

“Hi!” The blonde and her friend from the party were coming down the stairs. 

“Oh hey.” He nodded at her, a part of him happy to see she was in good spirits.

“Thanks for last time. I didn’t greet you properly, I was a bit out of it. Vilde.” She extended her hand and he took it, shaking it gently. Her friend, Chris, was watching from behind, eating some frozen yogurt. As their eyes met, she began sucking on her spoon so Isak chose to focus exclusively on Vilde.  
“Isak.” 

“It was so nice of you to help me.” She added, and looked to Eva and Jonas. “We were actually wondering if you, and your friends had a Russ bus.”

“No.” Isak shook his head knowing how Jonas felt about Russ, and not having too much excitement for it himself. Plus, they were in first year, why start now?

“That’s perfect! We just rented a new bus, all three of you can join us!” 

“We actually haven’t started thinking about Russ.” Eva cut in, and Isak could tell she did want to join but knew Jonas would tease her for it. 

“It’s really important to think about it if you want to be on a bus. Here in Oslo, you have to start planning really early. Otherwise, you end up on a bad bus, or you graduate without bus activities.” Eva tried to cut in but Vilde wasn’t done. “Being a Russ is not just about Russ time, it’s also about being social and unity!” Gone was the quiet shrinking girl from the party and here was a bubbly excited chatterbox. She nudged Chris who had broken her spoon from all the bending she’d done with her mouth. 

“Yeah, think of it like a sect. Once you’re in, you can’t get out. It ends in a collective suicide on the night of the 17th of May in 2018.” He and Jonas looked to each other in amusement; this girl was out of her mind. Ville laughed awkwardly and focused back on Eva, Isak forgotten. He didn’t really want to be on a bus but he couldn’t help but feel annoyed that Eva had taken yet another person from him. What made Eva so much more appealing to everyone?

“She’s just joking.” She gave her a warning look and then addressed all three of them. “We’re having a bus meeting Friday after school, you should all join!”

“Yeah, okay.” Eva answered and looked over at Jonas and Isak. Jonas fought the urge to roll his eyes but Isak didn’t want to be rude.

“We’ll see.” He replied and ignored the surprised look from Jonas.

“Okay, that’s cool! If you guys have more friends, take them with you!” Ville was on cloud nine now and Chris gave Eva a high-five before looking back at Isak. “We’ll see you guys then.” The girls walked off leaving them alone in the hallway again. 

“You can’t go to that meeting.” Jonas said, laughing more with each moment.

“Why not?” Eva replied incredulously.

“Not you, you go if you really want. Isak can’t. That girl was staring him right in the eye and sucking on her spoon. Did you not notice?” He was cracking up now and Isak joined in, relieved someone else noticed. “Who are they Isak?”

“Just girls I met at the party, they were much quieter that night.” He explained, shrugging his shoulders.

“Well, I’m going to join them. They seemed nice.” Eva looked towards where Vilde and the other girl had left and then back at Isak. “You should come with. They probably need boys on their bus too. I know Jonas isn’t into it but…” She trailed off because she knew that if Jonas wasn’t interested, Isak wouldn’t be either.

“Nah, I’ll pass.” It wasn’t just Jonas, this wasn’t his scene. Him, Eva, and a bunch of girls planning something three years away as he gets ogled by Vilde’s friend is not his idea of a fun Friday night. He’d much rather sit alone in his room and think about Chris…boy Chris that is. Oh god, his life was pretty pathetic, wasn’t it?

That night, he was also alone in his room and decided to lurk Instagram, for Chris, of course. He began checking people he followed to see if anyone followed this guy and finally he found him. He started scrolling through, finding him and his bus crew (Isak rolled his eyes but got a small chuckle out of their name “The Penetrators”), video from the party and then some photos of a girl. Of course, he had a girlfriend too. Every guy he liked had a girlfriend and no real interest in him. He kept scrolling though and couldn’t help but get butterflies at one of his selfies. He was showing off his new watched, a hand through his hair, and a casual look to him. He had to go back now, Chris had a girlfriend and there was no sense in getting his hopes up. He was stupid to even consider that some good-looking older boy would ever want him. As he went to go back, his phone froze, Chris’ face still looking back at him.

“Come on.” He pressed down and tapped at this screen to get it working again and then because the universe hates him, the tapping made him like the photo. The giant red heart blew up and Isak threw his phone to the edge of his bed. “Shit.” He hissed and began panicking. He could unlike it but the notification would still be there. He could message him and say it was an accident but that would be desperate. To be fair, he was desperate but Chris shouldn’t know that. As his mind raced, his phone pinged and he stared at it, time slowing down before picking it up.

‘Stalker.’ It was a message from Chris, followed by, ‘Seeking me out and liking old pictures, I knew you liked me.’

‘Yeah right, it was an accident.’ He hated how Chris got to him but he liked it too. The hot third year he had a crush on was not only flirting with him but he had initiated all of their recent interactions. Maybe, just maybe, he had a shot.

‘Sure it was, don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone you like me.’ Isak’s heart was racing and his stomach was doing backflips. 

‘I don’t. Plus, you probably should message your girlfriend.’ The last thing he wanted was to be messed with by some guy with a girlfriend. He has enough dirty secrets on his own, he doesn’t need to be someone else’s. He was desperate but not that desperate…he thinks.

‘I am. I can message two people at one, it’s cute that you care though. If you’re game, my friends and I are having a party Friday at my place. 9 PM kickoff, you should come. Bring your friend with the eyebrows.’

‘No thanks.’

‘See you there ;)’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the things I want to show in these early chapters is how dependent both Eva and Isak were on Jonas. I feel like people recognize that in Eva, obviously, but Isak was pretty bad too. He was so lonely and that was all he had so ofc he resented Eva and that's only going to get worse in this fic but I have plans for a stronger season 3 era friendship for them.
> 
> Anyways, please leave comments even if it's a critique :)


	3. You're Not Ready

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak attends a Penetrator party

Isak and Jonas were at Jonas’ playing video games and smoking weed. Isak was grateful for the drug as it calmed his nerves about asking Jonas to go to Chris’ party. How was he supposed to explain how he knew Chris and how they got invited to a party for a bunch of third year guys?

“Bro, are you even trying?” Jonas laughed as he beat Isak yet again. 

“Sorry, just uh, distracted. A lot going on at home.” He shrugged and put his controller down. It wasn’t a lie, it just wasn’t bothering him now. He felt guilty though when Jonas put his controller down too and looked at him with concern and compassion.

“Everything okay?” Jonas knew everything about Isak’s home life having seen his mum have episodes or his parents fighting. It was why they mainly hung out at Jonas’ house now and why he never fought with Isak the second he brought his family into something. The most important thing was he never pushed Isak to talk and that’s why he did feel comfortable talking to him.

“Yeah, just the usual but nothing bad.” He shrugged and shook his head, wanting to get off of this. “I actually got us an invite to this party, might get my mind off of it.”

“Yeah? Who’s party?” Okay, good, he seemed intrigued at the idea and probably wouldn’t even care.

“This third year guy I met at that party Eva brought us too. Chris Schistad?” Jonas’ face fell and he groaned causing Isak to tense. “What? Do you know him?”

“Yeah, after you left, he started hitting on Eva and Noora.” Jonas explained, rolling his eyes. “Especially Eva and when she pointed out that she was with me, he like got excited by that. Like, her having a boyfriend made her more appealing to hm.”

Isak wanted to scream. Of course Chris liked Eva, who didn’t like Eva? Even the random girls he met at that party were now her new friend group. He actually thought Chris would be something that was just his, except for Chris’ girlfriend who Isak was starting to really feel bad for. 

“Oh." Was all he said but he still wanted to go. His heart was doing the talking now while his brain and gut were silenced. “Well, maybe they’ll have pot. Like you can get it off of them instead of Elias or Ingrid who Eva doesn’t like and get it from Chris who she does like.”

“Fuck off man.” Jonas punched him in the arm hard enough to make his point but never hard enough to hurt. 

“I think it’ll be fun, probably some third year girls huh?” Isak was proud of how easily he could pretend to like girls. He knew how to make his voice sound, and how to react so no one would suspect he was lying. Even he believed himself enough to think that he just hadn’t found the right girl yet.

“Well, I have Eva but that could be good for you…not that you have enough game to get a third year.” Oh poor naïve Jonas, he already had one trying to kiss him in the dark, and inviting him to parties.

“I have game.” Isak smirked confidently even though he didn’t feel any confidence at all. 

“Fine, we can go but if your boy Chris crosses a line, I’m out.” Isak played it cool and didn’t show how giddy he was that they were going and just nodded. He was anxious too, what if Chris’ girlfriend was there? What is Jonas invited Elias? What if Chris laughed in his face because he was just messing him?

Friday came and the first bad sign had happened: Jonas had invited Elias. At least Elias had gotten them some beer so he could get a buzz going and ignore the giant douche walking next to his best friend. Elias wasn’t always the worst but he took great pleasure in making Isak feel small and Jonas did the bare minimum to help.

“Alright man, enough, okay?” Was the best he’d get and it was usually followed by a small laugh so things wouldn’t get too tense. It was nice but what he wanted was for Jonas to say if Elias kept talking like that, he could leave and not come back. Maybe he was too sensitive, and maybe he was being unrealistic, but it’s what he longed for.

Tonight though, Elias was okay and treating Isak like a human being and a friend and not Jonas’ awkward, lame friend. They got to Chris’ and Jonas gestured for Isak to stand in front because he was their way in and he did, knocking on the door hoping no one caught his hand shaking.

Chris answered and it was like Jonas and Elias weren’t there. He stared right into Isak’s eyes before letting his gaze go down and back up his body. The moment probably last 5 seconds but Isak felt like he was standing there for hours, vulnerable. “Hey, come on in.” He stepped aside to make way for the three younger boys who walked in. Isak was stopped by Chris as Jonas and Elias made their way in.

“Who's the other guy? Your boyfriend?” He was teasing him, like always but Isak swore he saw a hint of jealousy in his eyes.

“No, I’m not gay.” He answered and Chris laughed, he actually LAUGHED. Isak was ready to go home now. “I’m not.”

“Okay.” He said it in english, his voice high-pitched like he was on some American sitcom. Isak looked down at the ground, feeling small and like he was the biggest joke in the room, Chris sighed. “Whatever, gay or not, come in and have a drink.” These were the moments that were making him like Chris, when Chris read that Isak was uncomfortable or upset and took things seriously. He still felt the butterflies but he was more at ease like he could see Chris being a calming presence in his life. 

About an hour later, he was crammed on a couch with Jonas, Elias, and some of Chris’ friends. Jonas was in a a heated debate with them about the pros and cons of Russ, Elias was watching in amusement as he passed his joint to Isak who took it gratefully before it was time to pass down to the next person. He looked across the room and there was Chris watching him but it wasn’t as predatory as normal, it was more curious and thoughtful. Isak debated if he should get up and talk to him but his feet took him there before he even properly considered it.

“Hey, having fun?” Isak shrugged but he was smiling from a combination of cheap beer and marijuana. “So, Jonas, huh?”

“What about him?” Isak leaned against the counter. 

“You like him. I’m not saying you’re gay, but you like him.” Chris was talking softly which Isak appreciated though that was all he appreciated. He looked over at Jonas and pursed his lips, unsure of how to answer. What if he told someone he liked Jonas, actually verbalized it, would he feel better? Would the truth actually set him free? 

“I do.” He whispered, so softly, that Chris caught it from the way his mouth moved rather than hearing him.

“Can I give you some advice?” Isak nodded, looking back at Chris. “No matter how many times you follow him around or how many parties you stare him down at he’ll never want you back.”

“That’s not advice, you’re just being a dick.” Isak scowled, ready to walk back to the couch but Chris took his arm firmly.

“No, I’m being honest with you. You don’t like it.” He was nearly whispering it into Isak’s ear and he hated that he wasn’t fight back, that he liked Chris having a hold on him. “You need to stop wasting your time on someone who doesn’t have feelings for you and look for someone who does.”

“Like you?” Chris raised his eyebrows and his eyes were shining with mischief at the question.

“You want me to like you?” Isak couldn’t respond, he didn’t know what the safe answer would be. He didn’t want to lie but saying yes might get him into a situation he’s not ready for even if it’s one he wants. “You’e not ready for this. You know where to find me when you are.” He strutted off and he was partly relieved yet partially upset. When Chris was around, he felt alive like life could be more than playing video games and worrying about his mum. 

“Was he bugging you?” He was snapped out of the moment by Jonas and sighed, relieved. He even felt like his crush on Jonas was lessening the more he spent time with Chris. Chris had been right, Jonas was unattainable and always would be, Isak knew he was wasting his time before but now he had another option. Having someone else to like who might like him back was worth more of his time than his best friend dropping his girlfriend to be with him.

“No, just talking.” He shook his head and watched Chris chatting with William. He didn’t see Jonas watching him suspiciously because he was far more perceptive than Isak realized.

“You okay? You seem jumpy.” Jonas questioned, not wanting to press but he knew Isak held a lot in. He never wanted him to think that he didn’t have someone to talk to.

“Just high.” He lied, his eyes going back to Jonas. “Want to head out? This party’s kind of lame. Just a ton of guys in a room talking about Russ.”

“Yeah, I was hoping you’d say that. Elias wants to stick around but I’m ready to go.” He and Jonas left without looking back but Isak knew there was no going back. What just happened with Chris wasn’t something he could bury and he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just feel like Chris would actually be pretty sensitive about Isak's sexuality. He's full of it 95% of the time and he'll tease Isak a lot but when he actually thinks he's struggling, he'll cool it and be considerate. He's like the anti-Jonas in this because Jonas first instinct is to be there for Isak and then mess with him whereas Chris will mess with him and then be gentle.
> 
> Anyways, let me know what you think.


	4. Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak

Isak doesn’t hear from Chris again for weeks. He understands though, Chris said to come to him in the future so he was giving him space. He’d love for Chris to seek him out but the fact that this known “fuckboy” is respecting his boundaries only makes him fall harder. It’d be a lot easier if Chris kept bothering him and proved his reputation right but clearly his evil plan was to make Isak fall for him by being patient and sensitive; he could live with that.

As for the other drama in his life, Eva and Jonas, things seemed to be working out for them. He and Eva had a sit down about the Ingrid situation and he’d advised her a bit more honestly. He meant it when he asked her why she was with someone she didn’t trust because it was taking a toll on her. He wasn’t 100% sure if telling her to talk to Ingrid was the best call but if talking to Jonas didn’t work, it seemed like a decent idea. Bottom line, he’d meant well when he gave her advice.

He no longer feels invested in watching Eva and Jonas fail. He’s not foolish enough to think he has a boyfriend now but having another focus has lessened his bitter obsession with failure his best friend’s relationship. 

He went to the skate park with the pair and sat with Eva as they watch Jonas skate. He normally would feel his heart fluttering as he watched Jonas do his flips and turns or seethe with anger as he watched him flirt with Eva but he was at peace. 

“I see it’s going better with you and Jonas.” He commented noting how the pair wasn’t as snappy and Jonas had been much happier. 

“Yes.” She smiled softly, looking from Isak to Jonas and back to Isak.

“Why’s that?” He questioned, curious about how it all worked out.

“We just talked some stuff out.” She shrugged but Isak could see there was something off with her. She had the same expression when they’d spoken about this last which showed him that not much had really changed even if Jonas seemed happier.

“I fucked up badly.” She said, her façade dropping.

“What did you do?”

“Isak.” She sighed and captured his full attention now. “If I tell you this, you have to promise not to say anything to Jonas.” In the past, he would’ve lived for this but he was genuinely worried for her right now. He wanted to help her but he wasn’t sure if he could make that promise; Eva was his friend but Jonas was his best friend.

“Okay, I promise.” He agreed but she didn’t believe him and she was right not to.

“Seriously, it could ruin our relationship.” It was ironic that he was getting over Jonas because he would’ve been so excited by this weeks ago. 

“I’m not gonna tell anyone, okay? You can trust me.” He assured her and he was pretty sure he meant it. He did want the dirt because Eva’s drama was messy and exciting but he really did want her to feel comfortable talking to him. He might not even tell Jonas if she’s this upset about it. He was She looked back over at Jonas and then looked down at the ground, guilty.

“You know how I thought something was going on with Ingrid and Jonas?” He nodded. “So, I asked Ingrid if they had been together. And they had been-“ 

“Seriously?” Isak was genuinely surprised. He knew Jonas and, yes, Jonas had cheated on Ingrid with Eva but that was because he already liked Eva and their relationship was falling apart. He was in love with Eva though, he’d never do that.

“There was a reason for that but Ingrid didn’t tell me that. So, I was pissed and sad…” She trailed off and Isak knew he was about to hear the good part. “I hooked up with Chris.” 

“You hooked up with Chris?” He couldn’t bare for it to be his Chris so he took a risk. “The girl who keeps eye-fucking me?”

“No, no!” Eva looked at him like he was insane. “Chris from third year, Christoffer.” Isak paled but he knew he had to play it cool. He had to swallow his feelings which luckily, he was very good at, especially around Eva. When he didn’t say anything, she put her hands over his face and cursed. “It’s really bad!”

He had to play this cool for himself, for Chris, for Eva, for Jonas, and this poor girl Chris is apparently dating. He took a breath and began working on his plan. He wasn’t going to let Chris and Eva get away with this, he couldn’t. They didn’t just get to mess with people’s feelings and act out without consequences. He, Jonas, and Chris’ girlfriend deserve better than that.

“It was just hooking up, right? Nothing more happened?’ If he was going to carry this out, he needed details.

“No, no.” Eva seemed confused but calmer at his lack of response. Good, that’s what he wants, he wants her to trust in him so he can know everything.

“It would’ve been worse it he had meant something to you but you were just angry.” He was angry now because Chris did mean something to him but while he thought he was being given space to work himself out, Chris was hooking up with his friend.

“It feels shit not to say it to Jonas.” Isak couldn’t let her tell Jonas because Jonas would forgive her. He’d be pissed at first but he loved Eva too much to let a meaningless hookup end their relationship. If he found out another way, and thought Eva kept secrets from him, it’d make it harder to forgive.

“Honestly Eva, if I had a girl who hooked up with someone else, I wouldn’t have wanted to know.” That was a total lie because Chris wasn’t even his and he was glad he knew because he knew he couldn’t trust him now. “Things like that fuck up a relationship. You don’t have to do it if it meant nothing.” Eva still wasn’t convinced so he’d pull out the big guns. “Also, it seems like you’re more in love with him now than you were before, right? Maybe it was a good thing. It was just a little hook up, right?’ He laughed now to play off his bad intentions so Eva would never catch on. “It’ll be okay, but make sure no one else knows. That way it won’t come from someone else.” 

Like him.

He supposed he should feel guilty for what he was going to do next. Eva had thanked him for being a good friend and embraced him but his anger and resentment was in full force again. Eva had now been with both guys he liked and he couldn’t stand it anymore. He had to take her down a few pegs because then he’d feel better. First, he needs to find Chris’ girlfriend. 

He does some research and discovers her name is Iben and she’s in second year. He knows eventually she’ll turn up at school so he waits it out, his rage intensified when rumours of Chris cheating on her spread around school.

The day he tells Iben, his phone pings in class and it’s Chris.

‘Hey you, miss me?’

‘Not at all.’ He wanted to cut Chris off completely, make him hurt the way he did.

‘Aw, what’s wrong? Jonas shaved his eyebrows?’

‘No, his girlfriend cheated on him with you.’ He couldn’t hold back like he did with Eva. Sure, he’d deluded himself into thinking Chris would fall for him but he also didn’t have a history with him like Eva. He wanted both to suffer but he had to plan it out carefully with Eva.

‘It’s not like that. Meet me okay? Courtyard?’

‘Fine.’ He’d meet Chris and show him why he wasn’t just another toy at his disposal.

He waits at a table, nervous because for all his bravado, he knows Chris affects him deeply. He knows that a simple touch, raise of an eyebrow, or smile and he’ll turn to mush but he can’t let that happen. 

“Hey.” Chris greets him as he sits but wastes no time cutting to the chase. “Look, Iben knows I hook up sometimes and she doesn’t care. I don’t know how Jonas would feel but why would you hurt your own best friend?”

“So it’s my fault? You and Eva cheat and I’m the bad guy for wanting to be honest.” He was proud of how he was holding his ground, Chris becoming less attractive by the moment with this “defense.”

“Fine. Tell Jonas, hurt your best friend and end his relationship because you’re upset that I’m not hooking up with you because you’re unable to admit you even like guys.” To his credit, Chris was speaking softly and making sure no one could hear but Isak was still furious.

“Because you’re clearly so good at staying loyal and you were waiting around for me, right?” Chris rolled his eyes and sighed, hating the drama. 

“That’s not what I meant, don’t be such a girl. I meant, you and I could’ve been the ones hooking up at that party instead of me and Eva.” Isak gaped, fighting the urge to kick Chris under the table. Chris’ intention was always to make him just another person to cheat with. He only cared about Isak admitting he liked guys so he could get some action. He felt so used, childish, and, most of all, furious. 

“Screw you, Chris.” Isak walked off, unable to take anymore of this. He hated Chris, he hated Eva, and he hated his whole world. The only thing he didn’t hate though was his immediate desire to track down Iben and tell her everything. He felt vindication and couldn’t wait to see how it all played out. The next day, he tracked Iben down at her locker, grateful she wasn’t with any friends.

“Hi, you’re Iben, right?” She nodded slowly, not giving him full attention. “Chris Schistad’s girlfriend?” That got her to turn and she crossed her arms over her chest.

“What’s going on?” He really felt for her in that moment because clearly this has happened before. She’s preparing herself to hear about something bad her boyfriend’s done to her and it’s like any other day. This only fuled his desire to tell her, furthering his belief that he’s doing the right and honest thing. He tells her everything he knows, lets her think he’s Eva’s boyfriend because that helps his case, and even hugs her when she starts to cry. 

“Thanks for telling me. I’ll handle it.” She stares right into his eyes and Isak begins to question his choice. She’s not telling him, she’s warning him, and he’s not sure what she’ll do but he’s angry enough to believe Chris and Eva deserve it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Snakesak has arrived!
> 
> Also sidenote, when he's talking the first set of advice he gave Eva, he did mean well in this version. However, like in canon, he 100% didn't mean well here. I believe Isak resented Eva so badly in season one but because it wasn't his season, we don't know the extent. That's something I'll keep exploring here because while I understand it, it definitley wasn't fair.


	5. Remorse, Guilt, and Other Fun Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak has buyer's remorse and his life is falling apart

Iben had gone further than Isak thought. He was expecting Eva to lose Jonas and be gossiped around school not beaten up, threatened, and wanting to leave Nissen. He felt a terrible guilt, he didn’t think he would but it was weighing heavily on him. Eva kept asking him for advice, wondering how Jonas was and Isak was the one there for her. At first, it was to keep up the charade and get information but when she’d cry or bring up moving schools, he felt horrible and responsible for her pain because he was; if he’d kept his mouth shut everything would be better.

He wouldn’t have Chris but Jonas and Eva wouldn’t be miserable and them being apart wasn’t as satisfying as he thought. Jonas wasn’t leaning on him, he was shutting everyone out and getting high alone, while Eva was the one sharing everything with him. Chris wasn’t speaking to him which was no different but before there was a chance for growth, now there was nothing. His life had gotten far worse since he’d told Iben the truth.

It started when Chris broke the silence, walking up to Isak’s locker Friday after school.

“I just want you to know that Iben and I are still together.” Isak looked at him incredulously. That was the last thing he’d cared about in all of this. “Well, I just wanted to share because I know you told her everything to get her upset and ruin our relationship.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry Iben hates herself enough to stay with you.” He rolled his eyes and looked around to make sure no one would see them.

“Like you?” Isak puffed his chest as if he was ready to fight. “What? It’s either that or you hate everyone around you. You ruined your best friend’s relationship and tried to ruin mine because…?”

“I thought Jonas deserved to know the truth.” He didn’t need Chris to tell him how wrong he was and make him feel worse. He’d screwed up and his internal monologue gave him enough grief.

“Great, cool but you didn’t tell Jonas. You told Iben who went psycho on Eva and me. Now, Jonas is probably pissed, Eva is miserable, and my girlfriend is the one terrorizing her. So because of your need to be Mr. Honesty, everyone is doing really badly. Hell, you seem pretty miserable yourself, why did you even do this? Do you, like, hate Eva or something?” Chris wasn’t someone that was considered moral but even he saw how twisted this has all become. 

“Eva’s one of my best friends.” He couldn’t look Chris in the eye as he spoke because he knew he sure didn’t act like it. He’d let jealousy, bitterness, and the shame he felt about his own feelings consume him to the point where he hurt people he loved. He’d pretended he cared about the honesty and Eva cheating but he hadn’t, he just cared about himself. 

“Bullshit. You hate her because she was with Jonas and then she was with me.” He chuckled darkly, crossing his arms over his chest. “I told you and you should’ve listened, Jonas doesn’t want you and now, neither do I.” 

“Good, you’re an asshole so just stay away from me.” Isak turned his back to Chris, ready to leave so he didn’t see him cry. He knew Chris could be a jerk but this was a level he’d never experienced or expected. He’d never felt worse in his entire life and he wanted desperately to be alone.

“What’s going on here?” They turned to see Jonas was there and Isak’s heart started pounding. How much had Jonas heard?

“Just having a chat, I’m leaving.” Chris made a move to leave but Jonas blocked him. “Look man, I get it, you hate me but let’s not do this.”

“Why not?” 

“Because I don’t want your girl, she’s all yours, and Isak was just telling me that. He’s got your back, and she loves you.” Jonas looked to Isak but he was looking at Chris. Chris had covered for him, despite how angry he was, he helped him. It was horrible timing but Isak remembered why he had liked Chris to begin with. Chris took the silence as his chance to escape and he was left with Jonas.

“Isak, what just happened? I heard the end of that so don’t lie, I’ve had enough lies lately.” Isak had known it was too good to be true. 

“What did you hear?”

“Isak, I heard…it doesn’t sound like you were telling him how much Eva loves me. What’s the deal with you and Chris?” Jonas wasn’t sure if he should say what he heard. To him, it sounded like they were sleeping together and breaking up but that couldn’t be, right? Isak wasn’t gay and even if he was, he wouldn’t be with Chris of all people.

“There’s no deal, he was just being an asshole like usual.” Isak couldn’t let Jonas know. He could barely admit any of it to himself, and throwing Chris on top of this made it much more complicated.

“Isak-“

“Nothing is going on, I gotta go home.” He rushed off before Jonas could say anything more and headed home. He was so consumed with everything that had happened that he didn’t even worry about what might be behind the door at home. That was a mistake.

He found his mother sobbing on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest, and breathing heavily.

“Mom? Hey, what’s wrong?” He sunk down next to her. He’d seen this before so he just had to calm her down until his father came home. As long as she didn’t start throwing things or trying to leave, he could handle it.

“Your father, he’s gone, he’s never coming back.” She cried, looking straight ahead at the wall. 

“Mom, that’s not true.” He assumed this was another episode of hers like when she thought she was being trapped in the house or that the world was ending. Soon, his father would come home and everything would be fine. Even if his father couldn’t “fix” things, at least he didn’t have to deal with it.

“Yes, it is. He left us, he doesn’t want to deal with me anymore, he’s gone.” She looked right at him and his heart broke instantly because it was true. His father had left while he was at school and his mom was crying over something real. He was being left to take care of his crazy mother and his father didn’t care enough to say goodbye. He’d isolated his best friend, ruined his other best friend’s life, turned the one guy he had a shot with against him, and now his father had left him. 

He got his mother upstairs to her bed, sitting with her until she cried herself into an exhausted sleep. He aimlessly walked around his house, memories of his father, mother, and sister flashing through his mind but he didn’t react. He felt so much that he didn’t know where to start: cry, break things, call his father and scream, or even laugh over how incredibly awful his life was. He’d reached his rock bottom and he felt like he had no one. He knew that wasn’t true though, he had one person, one person that deep in his heart he knew would be there for him. He pulled out his phone and called that person, hoping he’d be a first choice to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Isak :( He acted out but he's a good person and I always got the impression from the scene in Eva's room where he hugs her that he instantly regretted his choice to tell Iben.
> 
> 2\. Who do you think he called? 
> 
> 3\. I know the word "crazy" is not okay, I only used it because Isak used it so casually in season 3. I hope people understand because I, personally, mean no harm.
> 
> 4\. I made Chris extra harsh here, the way I made Isak last chapter. Chris, like Isak, will get his redemption in the upcoming chapters.
> 
> 5\. Feedback and comments feed my soul :)


	6. I Have Jonas

Jonas had come over immediately with a pizza and hugged Isak on sight. They didn’t talk about anything that had happened earlier, just took the pizza up to Isak’s room. They sat on the floor, quietly eating, trying to ignore all the things they should talk about.

“How are you feeling?” Jonas finally asked tentatively and Isak paused. How did he feel? Where should he even start? He could make a list of each thing that he had feelings about and then a list of feelings for each separate problem. “I’m sorry, that’s a stupid question, I just-“

“No it’s not. I feel a lot of stuff, Jonas.” He sighed and laid back on his floor, unable to even sit up anymore. “I feel too much, I feel too much all the time and I wish I didn’t.”

“What do you mean?” Jonas moved closer so he was sitting by Isak’s feet, looking down at him with concern.

“If I didn’t feel as much, life would be easier. The stress of my mom, and my dad leaving and…just everything going on wouldn’t be so hard. I’d shake it off, and go on instead of sitting and thinking about everything all the time.”

“Isak, trust me, I get that it’s hard to feel stuff and easier to numb out but it’s not real. It’s better like, work through stuff.” Jonas had been numbing himself out over the drama with Eva but nothing had actually gotten better until they’d spoken. Things only actually got better when he made a move to work on them, even if it was painful. He didn’t want to say this to Isak, because it wouldn’t seep in now, but he believed he needed to do the same. Feel it, accept it, and then try to work through it instead of stopping at feeling it.

“I’m sick of real. I just want to go to sleep.” Isak sighed and shook his head, avoiding Jonas’ gentle and loving gaze.

“Okay, I’ll stay up and make sure your mom’s okay.” Isak didn’t want to talk and Jonas accepted that. If he wouldn’t talk, he’d do what he did want to help him and his mother.

“You don’t have to do that. After what happened-“ 

“Hey, I don’t give a damn about that Isak. I’m here for you.” Jonas Isak didn’t want to talk about earlier either and it’s going to stay buried until he’s ready. So, he’ll just wait until he’s ready.

“Okay, thanks.” Isak spent the night falling in and out of sleep. He’d jolt awake at the slightest bump, worried it was his mom, or he’d wake up in a cold sweat from a nightmare. His mind wouldn’t shut up and he was toeing the line of too wired to sleep and too emotionally exhausted to stay awake. The one thing bringing him comfort was every time he woke up, Jonas was there either asleep himself which was a comforting sight, or murmuring “go back to sleep Issy, you’re okay.” 

That is, until 11:05 when he awoke to see Jonas was gone. For a moment, he thought he’d been abandoned but thankfully, he walked back into the room with a small smile on his face.

“Hey, that was just Eva. She wanted to talk to you about something but I told her you had some stuff going on and she left.” He explained, sitting on the bed next to Isak. “You want something to eat? I checked on your mom, she doesn’t want to get up but I gave her some water.”

“Thank you. What did Eva want to talk to me about?” He had almost forgotten about Eva and that dark cloud over his head, his family life had become a bigger mess.

“She didn’t say. She asked if she should come in but I thought you might not want a lot of people here.” 

“Yeah, I don’t-it’s nice that she offered.” He did not deserve Eva as a friend and he decided in this moment, he would make it up to her. She’d done a bad thing to Jonas but she’d never done anything to him, his disdain for her had been misplaced and she hadn't deserved it. He’d try to stop resenting her and try to spend more time with just her, without Jonas. They used to all the time, and those were far better days, he wanted them back. He was broken out of his thoughts by another knock and ring at the door. “Maybe Eva came back, I’ll go talk to her.” Jonas nodded and sat patiently as Isak walked downstairs.

“You turned off your phone.” It was Chris, looking way too attractive for a Saturday morning especially when Isak looked like an emotional, sleep-deprived mess. His new goal was to treat Eva better, and focus his negative energy on Chris instead.

“Chris, whatever you’re going to say to me, save it. You hate me, you think I’m an asshole, just go away.” He attempted to close the door in Chris' face but Chris stuck himself in the doorway. “What?”

“Iben dumped me and-“

“I don’t care Chris. I don't care that your girlfriend finally got sick of you cheating on her and how you’re blaming me for it. I have stuff going on with my family and it matters a lot more than you.” Isak was done with Chris’ drama, having your father leave you to take care of your mom made Chris and the unfamiliar excitement that came with being close to him seem unimportant.

“What's going on?” Chris asked, and he was being genuine. He’d taken in Isak’s appearance and there was definitely something deeper going on.

“I’m not telling you, it’s personal.” He crossed his arms over his chest, staring Chris down hoping he’d take the hint and leave. Chris just looked back at him, shrugging his shoulders as the unkindness melted off of him. He moved a bit closer and put his hand on Isak’s shoulder and he didn’t move back. He let Chris show him some affection, not because it was Chris but because it felt nice to have someone comfort him; he needed all the tenderness he could get. “Just an issue with my parents, okay?” 

“I’m sorry.” Chris wasn’t the most sensitive person, not caring much for showing emotions or discussing them but he wasn’t cruel. He could see the pain radiating from Isak and he cared about him, cared enough to at least listen and offer sympathy. Ever since he’d met Isak, he could see this was a kid who was blocked off and lashed out as a result of that pain. Sure, he’d been pissed at him but deep down, he didn’t want to be tied down to Iben anyway. He’d gotten annoyed on principal, not because his relationship had mattered that much to him. 

“Thanks.” Isak nodded and tried to leave again but Chris maintained his hold. “What?”

“Look, I am sorry. I’m sorry for whatever is going on in there, I’m sorry for whatever I did to you that made you hate me so much, and I’m sorry I was a dick to you yesterday. You’re right, I cheat on Iben all the time, and it caught up with me.” Isak just looked at Chris, absorbing his words and feeling warm around him once again. Half of him was screaming to not fall for him again, while the other half believed the words coming out of his mouth. “I get it, I’ll leave you alone but, if you want to talk to someone-“

“I have Jonas.” Isak didn’t want Chris to think he was some lonely charity case. He shouldn’t care what Chris thinks, but he does. Of course he does.

“Good.” Chris meant that. His issues with Jonas didn’t matter if Isak had someone there for him. “I’ll go then.” He leaned forward and gave Isak a peck on the cheek, not caring if it was weird or inappropriate. Chris liked giving affection and Isak wanted affection, and now that he was single he didn’t even need to pretend he felt guilty. 

The gesture shocked Isak, genuinely rocked him to his core. He knew a cheek kiss was as innocent as they come but nothing that came from Chris was ever innocent. He was officially falling for him again, despite the horrible timing. He wanted to shout out to Chris and ask him to stay, so he could touch his shoulder, kiss his cheek, and say how sorry he was some more but then he remembered Jonas. His life was complicated enough now, the last thing he needs it to go back inside and say “hey Jonas, the guy who hooked up with your girl is the guy I have a crush on because I think I like guys.” Then there was his mom, his broken mother who had an intense fear of God, she would not take kindly to any of this. So, he watched Chris walk off until he was gone, his hand grazing his cheek to savour the warmth.

He walked back inside and saw Jonas was going through the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” He asked and he turned and shrugged.

“Thought I’d try to make some breakfast but I can’t really cook.” He chuckled and Isak responded with a small, fond smile. “Who was at the door? Was it Eva?”

“No, just a neighbour. I think they heard my parents fighting and just wanted to see if we were okay.” He was proud of himself for actually coming up with a good lie on the spot like that. The thing was, Jonas didn’t believe him, he just didn’t let on. He nodded and went back to going through the pantries. 

The weekend went on with Jonas trying to take care of him and his mother, who eventually did get out of bed and tried to interact with the two of them. She held Isak a few times, stroking his hair and saying how sorry she was and it hurt his heart. His mom had something wrong with her that he didn’t understand and it made him angry and scared but, his dad was to blame for leaving. His father was a coward for walking out on them and, while he blamed her for a few things, he didn’t blame her for this.

The weekend of tears, pizza delivery, and laying in bed passed and it was time for Jonas to go home. He first said his goodbye’s to Mrs. Valtersen, she’d always liked Jonas and was clear-headed enough to see what a good friend he was to her son. Once that was over, he turned his attention to Isak, giving him a quick hug and he was about to walk out the door before he turned to his best friend once more.

“Isak, I love you. I know guys don’t say that to their friends but I just think you should know that.” Isak couldn’t respond verbally, overwhelmed at the declaration, he threw his arms around Jonas and hugged him tightly. Jonas was shocked at first but he hugged him back, patting his back and keeping a firm hold on him. He knew Isak was keeping things from him but he was also aware that whatever it was, it was something that needed to be figured out within before he told anyone. He’d give Isak his space and let him be honest when he’s ready. 

“I love you too.” Isak murmured as they let go of each other and he met Jonas’ eyes. He meant it but like brothers, not like he was in love with him because that was fading. He wouldn’t have Jonas in that way, and accepting the way he did have Jonas is better. He has a best friend, who dropped everything to spend the weekend taking care of him and his mother because he wanted to. He has a best friend who loves him, and cares enough to say that so he doesn’t feel alone. That was enough, it was more than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is my love letter to Jonas tbh. Anyway, next chapter Isak starts to work on things with Eva. Thanks to everyone who's left kudos and feedback so far, it means a lot!


	7. A Lot of Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak is confronted by Eva, comes to an agreement with Chris, and then is confronted by Eva again with sad results

Over the next week, things started improving for Isak. He felt closer to Jonas, his mom, though she was heartbroken, was trying her best, and he started getting messages from Chris. They were simple ("hope you're good" and "miss you") and sometimes even dumb memes but he was still thinking of Isak and that’s what mattered. He’d only reply half the time, wanting to make Chris work for it…whatever IT was.

Wednesday was when things started to get complicated again. He hadn’t gone to school all week, calling and saying he had a family emergency. Iben sent him an invitation to a “girl power” party saying she wanted first year guys there and thanking him again for his honesty. He felt a churning in his stomach as he checked out the Facebook event page. Eva was going which meant Eva and Iben were okay which had to mean they talked which probably meant that Eva knew.

“No.” He shook his head, Eva couldn’t know. She would’ve said something, right? He thought harder and he sighed deeply because Eva had wanted to talk to him Saturday but left because of what Jonas told her. “Fuck.”

He went anyway. He needed to get out of his house and his mother had actually encouraged him to go be with his friends.

“Your father’s coming by though, if you want to stay and see him.” She didn’t seem happy or hopeful though; he was grateful that she wasn’t hanging onto what wasn’t there.

“Not really.” He shook his head and gave her a tight hug before he headed out. He knew she was difficult, and something was very wrong with her but he couldn't understand how his father could walk out on her. There were times when he wanted to run away from her too but he was a teenager, his dad was a grown man. He should have the guts to stick around and help her, that’s his job not Isak’s. 

Isak went to the party with some guys in his Literature class, including one of the guys who broke up the big girl fight between Iben and Eva. He kept going on about how pulling each other’s hair three weeks ago but now they're all partying together. Isak willed him to talk about anything but the bad blood between Eva and Iben because if that’s going to blow up in his face tonight, he’d rather be with his asshole dad and fucked up mom.

Once they arrived, he headed to the kitchen in search of something to drink to calm his nerves. He barely gets his head out of the fridge when Eva greets him.

“Isak.” She looked up at him and went in for a hug.

“Hi, Eva!” She seemed genuinely happy to see him. Good, maybe tonight will be fun after all.

“How’s it going with you?”

“It’s going…better.” He shrugged and continued his search for beer, before snagging one. He appreciated her asking but he didn’t want to discuss his family stress now.

“How’s it going with your mom now?” Eva did care about Isak’s family situation. She was furious with him and wanted to confront him but she knew how hard he had it at home sometimes. If he was still in a troubling and scary place, she'd back off.

“Good, it’s a lot of stress.” He looked up and tried to find the right answer. The answer that will end this conversation so they can talk about something other than his family. “Her and dad will surely find a solution.” He didn't know if he believed that but it seemed like a safe response.

“Good. So, it’s going better with you now?” Isak had no idea that she was still testing the waters. He popped the seal on his beer and took a long sip.

“Now it’s going better.” He joked, mostly to calm himself down. He needed a night to de-stress, get drunk, and forget about the last few weeks. He’s sure Eva can relate.

“I have news for you.” She said after a beat and Isak was curious, it would be a nice distraction. “Me and Jonas are back together.”

“Seriously?” Jonas had not mentioned that, in fact, he didn’t come tonight because he thought it would be weird to be around Eva at a party. How could they be back together? “He hasn’t said anything, but…great!” He was happy for her and for them; now they could all move on and he could come out of this unscathed. He was getting over his crush and Eva would never have to know that he was the reason everyone found out she cheated.

“Yeah, I know.” Eva was proud of herself for lying so well. She wanted to make him sweat a little, get him comfortable and then call him out. He lied to her face, she could lie to his for a while.

“He’s forgiven you and everything?” She nodded. “Great!” Perfect, now it was all over and settled.

“So I just want to say, thanks so much for being there for me.” Isak felt his stomach turning again. He’d supported her, sure, but he was also the reason she’d needed support in the first place. Hearing her thank him made him feel guilt all over again. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you. I don’t have many people I can trust but you’re one of them so thanks.” He couldn't look her in the eye but he smiled and let out a small laugh to keep up appearances.

“I’m glad you guys worked it out.” He managed to look at her as he kept smiling, meaning every word. Now, things could go back to normal in their friendships, in fact they'd be stronger.

“Yeah, I’m happy you support us.” She was ready for the kill and Isak had no idea.

“Team Jonas.” He saluted her jokingly and was ready to leave this completely behind.

“There’s just one thing I’m wondering. Did you also support us when you told everyone that me and Chris hooked up?” His mouth dropped, his palms started to sweat, and he kicked himself because he should’ve known it was too good to be true. “Because our relationship went to hell after that! My whole life went to hell after that! So you have to tell me what you were thinking. Because I think it’s psycho, why did you do it?”

“Eva, I can’t… I’m sorry but I can’t do this here and now.” He mumbles, shrinking away from her. She has every right to be angry and tell him how horrible he was but not here and not now. He’d gone out to escape yelling and tears, not find more of it.

“You don’t get to ruin my life and make that call, Isak.” He had to find a way out of this. She wanted answers, and she deserved them but he'd fall apart if they did this now.

“Eva, please, we will talk, just not now.” He made a quick exit, desperate to get out, ignoring her calling after him. He’s about to leave when he spots Vilde. She was staggering and looked like she didn't even know where she is. “Vilde?” He gently put a hand on her shoulder, trying to steady her.

“Isak? Isak, everything’s over.” Her words were slurred and her voice was barely above a whisper.

“What are you talking about? You should go get some water or lie down, you look sick.” Her eyes went wide and she shook her head quickly.

“I’m not sick, I’m fine, nothing’s wrong with me. I need more wine, I bet Iben has some for me.” She made her way into the living room and he trails after her to make sure she’s okay. She entered the party but tripped and collapsed within moments, the whole room turning to her in shock and concern. Noora, Chris, and Sana were next to her within seconds, Sana patting her face while Chris and Noora try to keep her elevated. Eva enters the room, hearing the commotion and Isak can’t do or say anything. The girls got Vilde out of there, and the room became silent. People began leaving because it’s hard for a party to come back from a girl possibly being dead. Isak doesn’t go home though, he can’t, after what he just dealt with, he can’t see his family.

Right on time, he got a text from Chris.

“You busy right now?”

Chris is probably just bored and Isak is his last resort but he doesn’t care. He wants to be anywhere else, even if it means being Chris’ booty call. He’s never been to Chris’ so Chris picks him up down the street to avoid going to Iben's.

“I’m glad you agreed to see me, I’ve wanted to talk to you.” Chris starts as they drive. Isak had no idea where they’re going but he hoped they would just drive. It was nice to be in Chris’ fancy car away from the madness.

“About what?”

“I keep thinking about you. I feel like you need me.” Isak and Chris meet each other's gaze and Isak sees that he’s not joking. Chris genuinely believed that he’s the cure for Isak's problems.

“I need you?” The blonde laughed, rolling his eyes and resting his head on the window. He had never met anyone with an ego like Chris'.

“You do.” Chris pulled over and took one of Isak’s hands. “I’m the only person who knows you’re gay, and I’m fun. You’re always so uptight and nervous but I could get you to have fun and experience things.” He looked up and down Isak's body and there was no question about what he meant.

“I’m not gay.” Isak pulled his hand away and huffed.

“So you got jealous of me and Eva and admitted to me you like Jonas because…?” Chris wasn’t completely ignorant, he knew Isak could be bisexual but from what he'd seen, he’d shown no interest in girls.

“Because I-I don’t know, okay? I don’t know and I’m not-“

“Okay, okay, forget it.” Chris sighed. His plan was to hook up with Isak tonight and have a new regular hook but he was clearly too deep in the closet to even consider the notion. He still stood by his statement though, Isak does need him. “How about this? How about you and I become friends? You come to parties at mine, I play lame video games at yours, and I give you weed to share with eyebrows."

“Why would you want to do that, Chris?” He was just some first year, Chris could hang out with or hook up with anyone. He didn’t see what made him so special.

“Because I like you. Jesus, you’re a lot of work.” He was joking but wow, Isak really did make him work every time they got together.

“No, you are. You’re so...you.” Isak stammered, blushing at how lame and gay that sounded.

“You say the sweetest things to me, Isak. That was almost as touching as when you made fun of my hat and mustache the night we met” Chris grinned and Isak’s heart fluttered at the sight. “What do you say? Be my friend? I promise, I’ll never kiss you.”

“Fine.” Isak rolled his eyes but he hoped Chris was lying. He’s not gay, but he does want Chris to kiss him just like he also wants to see that grin every day. The grin that grew when he agreed to a friendship.

He finally spoke to Eva about a week later, dreading the moment but knowing it was needed. They sit down in the park, and she demands him to be completely honest with her, threatening to tell Jonas if he’s not. As angry and hurt as the demand makes him, he understands why she does it; he can't blame her for not trusting him.

He tells her the truth about the cabin, and he tells her everything he had pretended not to know like how that it was bad advice for her to ask Ingrid. Finally, she asked him why he told Iben and not Jonas about her cheating with Chris.

“I knew that if you told Jonas yourself, he would’ve forgiven you.” Saying it to her face made him realize even more how messed up that was which she pointed out to him.

“I feel like I don’t know you anymore.” That hurts him, it hurts him deeply. Eva herself had ranted about how she hated people pressuring her to know who she should she should be and he now doesn’t know who he is. He’s unable to admit how he really feels to anyone and having Eva throw it in his face made it worse.

“I’m sorry.” Was all he could say.

“Karma’s a bitch.” She replied, sighing and getting ready to go. He couldn't stand it anymore, he’d been wrong for what he did but what about what she did? She cheated on her boyfriend with a taken boy, she said she was sorry, and everyone forgave her. Why couldn’t she do the same for him?

“Eva, I am sorry and you have a right to be upset with me but you’re not innocent here.” He ignored her hurt and surprised face as he continued. “You cheated on Jonas, who loves you, with some guy you just met. You’re clearly sorry and everyone’s forgiven you because you didn’t mean it. Well, did it ever occur to you that I had a reason for what I did?”

“What, what was the reason?” She snapped. Things were getting better for her and the last thing she needed was the person who messed it up throwing everything in her face.

“I just-it’s fucked up that you and Chris and Ingrid just hook up and mess up relationships when some of us would kill to have people like Jonas and Iben caring about us.” He explained, trying not get too angry but he couldn't help it. Maybe his loneliness is his own fault due to an inability to be honest with himself but it still pissed him off knowing the people who could be honest weren’t.

“Isak, what are you talking about? Do you like Iben or something?”

“Yeah, Eva, I like Iben.” He rolled his eyes and made a move to leave.

“No, what are you talking about?” She grabbed his arm and he jerked away, not sitting down or looking at her but not leaving.

“You got both of them.” He muttered without thinking but she heard him and stared up at him, blinking twice.

“Both of whom?” He finally met her eyes and tried to think of a lie but he doesn’t know how to cover this.

“Chris and Jonas, okay?” She cocked her head to the side and stands.

“Do you like them or something? Are you gay?” He goes pale, and all he wants to do is run as fast as he can until he’s far away from Eva and everything that reminds him of what she just asked him. “You can tell me.” She was pissed at him but if he was gay and keeping it a secret, he had to be struggling. That was bigger than this.

“No, Chris and I were friends just like Jonas is my best friend and I met Vilde and the other Chris first-“ It was useless, he sounded so petulant as he spoke, that admitting the truth seemed better. He took a deep breath as he looked her in the eye and said, “I’m not gay but I liked Jonas as more than my best friend and I had a crush on Chris.”

“Isak, I think that means you’re-“

 

“No, I was just confused and stupid. I’m sorry.”

“You can tell me. I’m sorry I upset you, just tell me and I won’t tell anyone.” She tried to take his hand but he shook her off. 

“Eva, I’m not gay. I was just lonely and Jonas is the closest person to me so I started to like him. Chris was just because he flirts with everybody so I liked the attention.” Eva didn't believe him, and she looked at him with so much compassion and love like his lies hurt her as much as they hurt him. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I hope we can be friends again one day.” He made a quick exit, unable to talk about this anymore. Eva called after him but he didn't turn around, he can't face her.

He was sick of people telling him who he is. He can’t be gay, he can’t be, not because it’s a bad thing to be but he’s not. He just needed to find a girl he liked and then all of this could end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW the guy that kept talking about Iben and Eva was Magnus because I spotted that he and Isak arrive together at Iben's party. 
> 
> Now that Isak and Chris are "friends", things can get lit.


	8. Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Chris get closer as he lies to everyone else.

Jonas invited Isak to the Christmas tree lighting and on the way, he told him all about his breakup with Eva. He responded with all the proper reactions to hearing that not only did they end things, but they apparently had incredible breakup sex. It wasn’t that he was jealous, he was just so wrapped up in his own thoughts and feelings that it was difficult to focus on anything else.

“I’ll just be single, so now we can focus on finding you a girl.” Jonas joked, and Isak laughed, nodding quickly. “Is there anyone you’re interested in?” Jonas knew Isak was lonely and even if he didn’t find a girlfriend, he could find a distraction. Someone to make him happy and get him out of his family drama.

“Eh I don’t know, I-“ He paused, wresting his brain for anyone. He struggled because the only person he liked now was Chris which he absolutely couldn't tell Jonas. “Sara.” It was the safest answer. She was in their year, he knew her before Nissen, she’s pretty, and it wouldn’t lead to anything like complicated. He couldn’t say Ingrid, who’s got a history with Eva and Jonas, or one of Eva’s new friends like Noora.

“Yeah? Well now that things are good with the girls, you’re safe there.” Jonas chuckled, nudging Isak’s side playfully.

“I’ll start working on her after the holidays. Too much family stress now.” It wasn’t a total lie because he is going to need time but not over his family. He’ll need time to convince himself to like Sara.

“Yeah, no rush. We have three years to get girls, tonight let’s just enjoy the tree.” Isak didn't know what he did to deserve Jonas. He was so grateful that he’d never know what Isak did to him and Eva or his crush. Now, he could move on and appreciate Jonas for what he was; a wonderful friend. They arrived, Isak avoiding Eva’s worried look as long as he could but Jonas caught it. “Why’s Eva looking at you?”

“She’s probably looking at you.” He lied, shrugging his shoulders.

“Maybe.” Jonas glanced over at her and she finally looked away. “Huh, guess she was.” Isak inwardly breathed a sigh of relief and continued ignoring Eva throughout the night. He did however, run into Chris after the tree was lit up. Jonas was talking to Elias and Isak excused himself, not in the mood for that right now.

“Hey there, bro.” Chris emphasized the final word in English, smiling playfully.

“Can I help you?” Isak rolled his eyes, feigning annoyance.

“Man, you’re a bad friend. I’m just trying to chat.” He slapped his hand on his heart like he was in pain and Isak couldn’t help but smile now. “Ha, made you smile.”

“Whatever. Tree’s pretty, huh?” Chris chuckles at Isak’s shyness and nods. “Why do you make fun of everything I say?” Whatever he said, Chris would laugh or smirk, did he think he was ridiculous?

“I’m not making fun of you, I think you’re cute. I thought I made myself clear on this. It’s you who doesn’t like me.” Chris cocked his head to the side like he was challenging him but he also looked like a puppy, it drove Isak crazy in the best way.

“I like you.” Isak said quickly, without thinking. Chris grinned like a cat who’d gotten the cream and moved closer to the younger boy.

“I knew it.” He raised his eyebrows and bit his lip. He wouldn’t kiss Isak though, he’d meant what he said the other day. If Isak wanted to get intimate, he’d have to make the first move.

“Why are you doing this?” Isak knew Chris’ reputation. He was very experienced, popular, older, what did he want with Isak? “And don’t say you like me or you think I’m cute. What about me do you like?”

“I like that you’re either really shy or insulting me, it’s a fun balance. I like how you make me work all the time, keeps me interested. I like how you seem innocent but you ruined Eva’s life, that means you’re not boring.” Isak looked at the ground now, annoyed at Chris bringing that up. “You’re also hot. Is that enough?”

Was it? Isak thought about it as he took in what Chris had said. Isak had never heard something like this from anyone. Someone saying what they like about him both in personality and looks. He’d never had someone show interest in him like this and he had felt so lonely until he met Chris. The older boy wasn’t the person Isak had imagined he’d want to be with, but he was offering more than anyone ever had. He yearned for someone to want him, the way Jonas had wanted Eva or how he’d wanted Jonas, and here it was. It was enough, not for forever, but for now, it was enough.

“Yes.” He finally whispered, looking up at Chris bashfully. Chris smiled but it’s not the mischievous, flirtatious one he normally gives Isak, it’s sweet and understanding. Chris understood that Isak was coming to terms with something emotional, it truly made him happy to see him take a small step.

“Okay then.” Chris leans in and quickly but gently squeezes one of Isak’s hands. “Jonas is looking over here. If he asks, tell him I was offering you drugs.” He winked before walking away and Isak couldn’t help but laugh. Damn it, he really liked Chris. He shook himself out of the moment and went back over to Jonas.

“Why were you talking to Chris?” He looks hurt, still seeing Chris as an enemy.

“He was offering me drugs, being a dick as usual.” Jonas bought it, rolling his eyes.

“He’s such a dick. First he messes with my girlfriend, now my best friend.” He grumbled. Isak fought the urge to defend Chris, throwing up his hands as if he was frustrated too.

“Just ignore him, Jonas. He’ll go away eventually.” It’s what he’d told himself when he first started to like Chris but, like then, he hoped it wasn’t true. It appeases Jonas though who nods, and they continue their night as planned.

At one point, Jonas nudged him as Sara and Ingrid walked past. Isak did his best to pretend he felt even half of what he felt for Chris for her. They both smiled at the pair and Isak winked at Sara the way Chris had done to him. She seemed surprised but giggled, blushing as she walked off, whispering something to Ingrid.

“Nice.” Jonas praised, putting his hand up for a high five and Isak chuckled returning the gesture. He was proud of himself for convincing both him and Sara.

The next day, he pulled out his phone and sent Chris a text.

“Nice seeing you last night, merry Christmas.” He typed and bit his lip as he read it over and over again. He debated for 10 minutes over if he should add an emoji, an “x”, or delete the whole thing entirely. He does send it and lunged for his phone when it vibrated not 5 minutes later.

“You too babe.” Isak stared down at the message happily, lying back on his bed, holding his phone to his chest. Yeah, this was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I've lowkey always thought they paired Isak for Sara because she'd be the easiest option for him. Involved enough in their friend group that it looks natural but not involved enough that it'll affect his good friends.  
> 2\. My own damn fic making me wish there was more Chris is canon.  
> 3\. My updates will stay weekly because it's hard for me to find time to write during the week because of work but I may post Chapter 9 by Sunday :)


	9. Kitchen Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak gets closer to Chris and Sara

The next few months of Isak’s life consist of playing a role half the time and happily getting close to Chris the other half.

It begins in January. The first week back from break ends and he finds Chris waiting at his locker, arms crossed and looking up at him.

“Good first week?” He asked, smiling when Isak is next to him.

“Alright, you?” The younger boy shrugged.

“I’m a third year, no week is good until Russ.” He joked, looking the blonde up and down. “Plus, you’re not in any of my classes and you never respond to my texts during the day which is just rude, man.” Isak blushed, opening his locker and putting away what he didn’t need for the weekend.

“Because I’m learning, Chris. I’m a first year and I do well in school.”

“Sorry Einstein, I’ll never text you again.” Chris teased, shifting closer.

“In class.” Isak corrected and Chris raised his eyebrows, squeezing one of the younger boy’s hips. Isak let out an embarrassing squeak, burying his face in his locker when Chris laughed.

“Right. Any plans this weekend?” Isak shook his head, trying to recover from his embarrassment.

“I think William is having a party, if not, you could come by mine and I can get you drunk.” 

“You enjoy getting first years drunk, huh?” Isak was getting better at joking and flirting with Chris. He was still shy, nervous, and unsure of his feelings but he was much more comfortable.

“Not all first years, just cute ones.” Isak went red again and he looked away from Chris’ gaze. “This weekend, answer my texts.” It was a command, playful, but still a command and Isak could only nod. Chris had a power over him, but he didn’t abuse it, he just used it to try to get Isak to be honest with himself and have some fun.

Isak eagerly awaited Chris’ text about the weekend but then it hit him; Jonas. How was he supposed to keep this from him? He and Jonas spent practically every weekend together and, sure, he’d ditched Isak from time to time for Eva or a family thing but Isak had no one to use in a lie. He could only use family stuff for so long before Jonas would start coming by to help them out, and then he’d feel too guilty. He had no girlfriend to bail with, if anything Chris was his-no, he couldn’t say that. Then, it hit him.

Sara.

If he struck up a relationship with her, he could tell Jonas he was with her when he was really hanging with Chris. He could also keep anyone, including Chris, from thinking he’s gay because he wasn’t. He was just curious and once he started dating a girl, he wouldn’t be. Then, he could be friends with Chris, have a girlfriend, and be like every other guy he knew. It all made perfect sense. He had to act fast, Sara was seen as of the prettiest girls in their year and most guys wanted to get with her.

He started by sending her a message on Facebook. _“Hey, any plans for this weekend?”_ It wasn’t much but it was likely to get a reply.

Before he got one from her though, he got a text from Chris. _“William is having a party, come. Bring Jonas, maybe if I get you both drunk, he won’t hate me and you won’t have to pretend you hate me too.”_ He doesn’t reply because at that moment, Sara messages him.

_“Yeah! The Penetrators are having a party, want to go?”_

This was truly too good to be true. He could go to Chris’ party with Sara. Now he could see Chris, go out with Sara, and Jonas would definitely go if he thought Isak was trying to hook. He wrote back to both of them: _“I’ll be there!”_

He and Jonas head to the party, Jonas agreeing to help Isak get some and maybe do the same himself. William lets them in, rolling his eyes at Jonas but shooting a slight smirk Isak’s way. Chris had told his best friend about his strange relationship with Isak, and William knew he couldn’t judge considering the weird game he was playing with Noora.

“Why’d he look at you like that?” He asks Jonas, unaware of the shoving match William had broken up between him and Chris.

“Because of the fight I got in with Chris that he got in between.” He shrugged and rolled his eyes at the memory. “It was funny though, he like took my side. Chris was mad that he didn’t have his back but William said he’d fight Chris too for hooking up with his girl.”

“Really? Huh.” Isak commented, not wanting to get into a Chris bashing fest.

“Hey, look, Sara’s over there with Ingrid. Go get her bro, you got this.” Jonas knocked his shoulder into Isak’s and headed off in pursuit of some cheap beer or weed. Isak took a deep breath and made a beeline for her, clearing his throat to break her attention from Ingrid.

“Isak, hey!” She pulled him in for a hug, winking at Ingrid over his shoulder. Ingrid giggled and took the hint to find someone else to talk to. “I’m so glad you’re here.” She broke their embrace and stumbled a little, already tipsy.

“Yeah, me too.” He caught her, gently taking her arm and she smiled up at him.

“You’re so cute.” She murmured, leaning closer. He took her in, trying to notice every detail about her. Her long blonde hair, her chocolate-brown eyes, her pink lips, she was everything he should like. Here she was, in his arms and looking up at him like she’d let him have everything but he wanted nothing. It didn’t matter though, he had to make this work, he had to try. He was going to have to act the part, he was going to act like Chris.

“You too.” He looked her up and down, smirking and she looked taken aback. They’d spoken in passing, Jonas even joking back when he was dating Ingrid that if he dated Sara, they could double date. However, they weren’t close so seeing him act so brazen must have struck a chord with her.

“Isak!” They both turned at the sound of Chris’ voice, Isak letting go of Sara’s arm.

“You’re friends with Chris?” Sara whispered and he nodded quickly, eyes stuck on the older boy.

“Glad you’re here. I need to talk to you.” He tilted his head towards the kitchen and walked off. Isak gave Sara a quick apology and followed after him, promising to come back.

“Yeah?” He questioned, relieved there was no one else in the room with them.

“You’re into her?” Chris responded, grinning like it was the funniest concept to grasp.

“Yeah, are you jealous?” He teased, smirking at Chris the way he had at Sara.

“No, because you’re not really into her. I see it now, you’re acting like me which means you just wanna bang her or you’re pretending to like her.” Isak hated how well Chris could read him. He hated that he saw right through all of his lying and denial. He just wanted to feel normal and here was Chris throwing everything off-balance.

“I just want to bang her.” He lied anyway, not wanting to give Chris the satisfaction. 

“Respect.” The older boy chuckled and held up his fist which Isak bumped back reluctantly. They both stayed in their spots, staring at each other, the tension growing by the moment. Isak knew he should’ve left after the bump but he didn’t want to, he wanted to stay looking at Chris a little longer. “Well, go then, go get her.” Chris moved closer, testing him.

“I’m going to.” Isak asserted but still didn’t move. Chris was so close to him, as if he was going to kiss him at any moment but he remembered the promise he’d made.

_“I promise, I’ll never kiss you.”_

If he wanted to kiss the older boy, he had to do it first. He couldn’t though, that would mean he truly was attracted to a boy, which made him gay. There was a girl out there who would kiss him and that’s what he should be doing. He doesn’t though, instead he leaned in and pressed a brief but soft kiss to Chris’ lips. It’s quick, only about three seconds, but those three seconds ignited a passion in him he’d never felt. There was no going back now.

“I knew it.” Chris murmured, going in for another kiss now that Isak had made the first move. Isak gave in, letting Chris wrap an arm around his waist forgetting that anyone could walk in and see this. It was the small flick of the older boy’s tongue that made him break away and Chris groaned.

“I’m sorry, I have to-Sara’s waiting. I-thanks.” He muttered awkwardly, ducking his head down and running out of the room. He was met with Jonas, eyes worried and brows furrowed. Isak could not handle this now.

“I saw you go in there with Chris, what’s going on?”

“Nothing, there were a ton of people in the kitchen. It’s a party.” Jonas didn’t believe that, staring him down.

“Isak, you keep ending up with him alone and it’s weird. Are you guys friends?” Jonas looks betrayed, like the idea would kill him.

“Yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” He muttered. He couldn’t tell Jonas the full truth but he didn’t want to lie anymore. Chris wasn’t the devil and he was sick of his best friend acting like he was.

“He’s a bad guy, Isak.” There it was, Isak rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.

“So is Elias, and you’re fine being around him.” He fired back, tired of pretending Elias was funny and cool. He was an asshole, far worse than Chris.

“You know what he did to me, and you’re friends with him?” Jonas ignored the Elias point, because if Isak had befriended any other Penetrator he wouldn't care but this was personal.

“He kissed your girlfriend, who was hardly innocent and you’ve forgiven her. Elias treats me like shit and you’re friends with him.” It was easy to put all the blame on Chris, he was a stranger, but Eva had hurt Jonas too. Eva was the one with a commitment to him, Chris owed Jonas nothing. Then, there was Elias who Jonas was buddy-buddy with despite how he treated his best friend. Isak was getting frustrated with the hypocrisy.

“He doesn’t-“

“He calls me gay all the time, he makes me feel like shit, and you do nothing.” Isak was sick of protecting Jonas’ feelings over his asshole friend. Jonas was overall a fantastic friend, who’d been great to Isak lately, but he was tired of holding this in.

“Isak, I didn’t know that you felt like that. You never seemed upset around him.” Jonas felt terrible, he thought Isak took it as a joke and didn’t care. He knew Elias could be a dick but he didn’t take him seriously, he thought Isak did the same. If Isak had said something, he would’ve stepped in.

“Whatever. I’m going home.” He was exhausted at this point. From pretending to like Sara, to kissing Chris, and now fighting with Jonas, he needed to lock himself in his room and sleep. He left, ignoring Jonas calling after him desperately. He was stopped by Sara, who’d definitley had another drink, standing in front of him.

“Isak, hey, where are you going?” She ran a hand down his chest and he sighed, not wanting to be mean to her, but acting like he liked her was not what he needed now.

“Home, I have some family stuff. I’ll see you around though.” She pouted but backed away. She was a nice girl, and he didn’t want to hurt her so he leaned in and kissed her cheek. That made her blush and smile as she happily walked away from him. He walked home, phone turned off, and body weak from emotion.

And this was just the first week of January.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now they kissed and things can get lit! Yakuza drama start soon AKA when Chrisak truly began in canon ;)


	10. Not Boyfriends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Jonas are brothers and Isak and Chris are not boyfriends

Isak knew he had to face Jonas and Chris after the party.  He couldn’t hide out in his room forever, as tempting and comforting as it was to shut the world out.  To shut off all of his feelings and numb out while playing video games.  It was an easy life but it was lonely, he was sick of being lonely.

 

Monday finally came, and he arrived at school, hood up and headphones to block the world out for just a few more minutes.  He knew who he had to settle things with first: Jonas.  He was his best friend after all, the one who would be there when Chris inevitably left Nissen and went into the real world.  Chris was a passing person in his life, and he wasn’t naive enough to believe otherwise, but Jonas was solid and secure. There he was, head buried in his locker searching for one of his books so, Isak took a deep breath and headed towards him.

 

“Hey, can we talk?”  Jonas looked up at him, nodding, regret in his eyes.

 

“Yeah.  I’m sorry Isak.  I didn’t know Elias made you feel so bad, he’s a dick.”  He began, letting out a breath, one he felt like he’d been holding in since their fight.  “I don’t even like him that much, he just has good connections but we don’t have to hang around him.”  It was true, Elias was funny but Jonas was hardly attached to him.  Elias was expendable but Isak wasn’t.

 

“You can still be his friend, just stand up for me, please?” Isak hoped he didn’t sound too needy.  He wasn’t going to tell Jonas who he could and couldn’t hang out with but if he was going to bring Elias around, he should put Isak first.

 

“I will, I should've done it sooner.”  They were both smiling now, softly, but Jonas’ quickly fell as he remembered the other person they fought over.  “So, Chris?”

 

“I met him at that revenue party and he comes around sometimes.  He can be a dick too but he’s not rude the way Elias is.  He just wants to have a good time.”  He wanted to tell Jonas that what he really liked about Chris were his soft lips, playful eyes, wide grin, and the way he made Isak feel like life could be fun.  He wanted to let his best friend in on his feelings the way he had with Eva but it wasn’t time yet.

 

“I don’t know if I can be friends with him, not yet.”  Jonas let out a sigh and shrugged in defeat.  “If you want to be his friend, though, go ahead.  I shouldn’t tell you who to hang out with.  If you like Chris, that’s chill.  Just, be careful.  There’s rumours about the Penetrators getting into fights and I don’t want you mixed up in that.”

 

“Jonas, you're not my mom.”

 

“No, I’m not.  I’m your brother.”  Isak melted at that, all the resentment fading away because it was true.  Jonas was the closest thing to a brother he’d ever have and brothers fight but they always love each other.  

 

“You’re gay is what you are.”  He retorted, pretending his best friend’s words didn’t make him unbelievably touched and happy.  Jonas rolled his eyes, shoving him lightly and that was that.  It should be noted though, that for the first time, Isak felt a sickening feeling at calling him “gay.”  They’d always said it in passing like it was nothing, just a word but this time he felt wrong about it.  He decided not to say that anymore.

 

Then, there was Chris.  Isak didn’t even know where to start, he was so embarrassed.  He’d finally kissed the guy he’d yearned to kiss but the second it got good, he couldn’t do it.  He’d never felt intensity like that when kissing, only heard other people talk about it.  He finally had it, and he ran.  It terrified him, he felt so much already, he didn’t think he could handle more.  What if he lost Chris over his fear though?  He had to decided which was worse: feeling too much or losing the person you feel too much for?

 

He decided the latter, pulling out his phone and typing up a text.

 

_Hey, we should talk._

 

Chris replied an hour later, when Isak was leaving class.

 

_I’ll text you later._

 

Apparently, “later” meant three days later in the form of an Instagram message with an attached photo of Chris’ car.

 

_Want to meet?  I’ll pick you up outside of school._

 

_I have one more class._

 

_Ditch it._

 

Isak did, not thinking twice about it.  He grabbed his bag and headed out, spotting Chris’ fancy car a block down from the entrance.  When he got to the passenger’s side, Chris leaned over and opened the door to let him in.  Isak was taken aback when he saw Chris had a black eye and some scratches on his face.

 

“What happened to you?”  He asked urgently, one hand reaching out to gently touch under his eye and survey the damage.

 

“Nothing, just a fight.”  Chris leaned back from Isak’s touch but took his hand in his own.  “You should see the other guys.”

 

“Guys?”  Isak couldn’t even enjoy Chris holding his hand, he was worried.  Was Chris jumped?  Had he been alone?  Is this why he didn’t text him for days?  How did this happen?  

 

“I wasn’t alone, I had William, and backup, it’s fine.”  Chris rolled his eyes but was smiling fondly at him.  It was sweet that Isak worried about him.  “Come on, let’s not talk about this.”  He dropped the younger boy’s hand and began driving. 

 

“Where are we going?”

 

“Nowhere, anywhere.”  Chris shrugged and Isak scoffed at how cliche of an answer that was.  “So, kiss anyone good lately?”  That shut him up.  He bit his lip and sighed, wishing they could go back to discussing Chris’ battered face.

 

“Chris, I’m sorry.”  He muttered, leaning back against the leather seat and looking at the ceiling.  “I just-“

 

“Isak, it’s fine.  Look, this stuff is new to you, right?”  Isak nodded, still looking up.  “Hey, look at me, stop being dramatic.”

 

“I’m not dramatic.”  He hated how his voice got louder, proving Chris’ point but he looked at him anyway. 

 

“You are, but it’s sweet.  You’re new to hooking up especially with guys, but you like it right?’  Isak nodded again, his heart pounding and his body getting hot.  “Okay, that’s what matters, you don’t have to call yourself anything.  We kissed, you liked it, that’s it.”

 

“I’m not gay.”  He looked away again, this time at the ground.

 

“Fine, but you like kissing me?”  Chris didn’t want to go into Isak’s deep rooted insecurity over his sexuality because they’d be in his car for weeks.  For now, he’d take him one step out of the closet.  Isak hummed in agreement to his first question, and there he was with one foot out the door.  “And you’d do it again?”

 

“Yes.”  He was still looking down and Chris couldn’t stand it.  

 

“Look up, Isak.”  Isak does just that, ignoring the arousal he felt at Chris telling him what to do.  He should hate being told what to do but what he hates is how he doesn’t.  Chris pulled over, looking around to make sure no one would see them and took the younger boy’s face in his hands.  Isak’s breath hitched, he was sweating, and he felt dizzy but he wasn’t going to move away.  Chris leaned in and kissed him, slowly at first, giving Isak the chance to pull away if he wanted to.  He didn’t, and Chris buried one hand in his hair, slowly pushing his tongue into the younger boy’s mouth. Isak let Chris have full control of the kiss, his fears and insecurities holding him back, but he never wanted the moment to end.  It did though, Chris pulled away, pressing one quick peck to his lips before dropping his hands and smiling at Isak’s love drunk face.  

 

“We’re not boyfriends.”  Chris knew it sounded mean but he wasn’t going to lead the younger boy on.  He’d done enough damage with Iben, he wouldn’t do that to someone else.  He didn’t want a relationship, but he did want Isak.

 

“Good.”  Isak whispered, still in the previous moment, his fingers unconsciously touching his lips.  “I don’t want a boyfriend.”  

 

“You sure?”  Chris believed him but he wanted to see why.  Did Isak not want a boyfriend because he didn’t want a relationship or did he not want one because he couldn’t admit he liked a boy?

 

“Positive.”  He was more confident now, shaking himself off subtly.

 

“Good, because I’m not good at that and I don’t want to promise you anything but I like you.  I like hanging with you and kissing you, and it’d be nice to keep doing it.”  Isak blushed, it was hardly the romance you’d see in the movies but it was undoubtedly the most romantic thing he’d ever heard.  “Now, you can date Sara while you hook up with me.”

 

“Fuck off.”  Isak rolled his eyes and punched Chris in the arm.  He’d expected him to laugh but Chris winced, biting his lip and shutting his eyes in pain.  “Oh shit, sorry.”

 

“It’s fine, no harm done from your scrawny arms.”  

 

“Chris.” Isak wasn’t letting up, he remembered Chris saying he needed him, well Isak sometimes thought Chris needed him right back.  Isak was often isolated and reclusive, rarely in any kind of trouble but Chris was the opposite; popular, social, and always in something.  Maybe they could find a balance together.

 

“I’m fine, don't worry about me.  I’m much older and wiser than you.”  Isak fought the urge to punch him again, settling for an eyeball and a scoff.  

 

 

The truth was, neither of them was very wise but at least Isak didn’t pretend he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a snow day tomorrow so I was able to finish this and maybe I'll even be able to write the next chapter to be up before the weekend!  
> Let me know what you think! I'm really enjoying writing Chris/Isak but I can't wait til Even gets here.


	11. Just a Kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak gets comfortable playing his role.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay timeline wise, this chapter is Episodes 1 through 3 of Season 2. Author's note at the end will explain more of how the timeline will be handled.

The next two months were a wild ride.  Isak alternated between pretending he’s dating Sara and all the perks that come with that and secretly hooking up with Chris.  All they do is kiss, Isak isn’t ready for more but Chris doesn’t seem to care.  It’s half because he doesn’t want to push the younger boy, and half because he has other people he hooks up with so he’s hardly deprived.  

 

Meanwhile, Jonas had scored himself a new girlfriend, a third year too.  He was the talk of gossip due to how he went down on her.  Isak didn’t care, but he was supposed to feel excited that they both had girlfriends so he played his part.  Jonas would tell him about how good sex was with an older girl, and he’d act like he enjoyed hooking up with Sara, bragging about how they’d have sex any day now.  

 

They’d made it official after Sara had gone down on him at a party.  It had been awkward and forced but he went with it to keep up appearances.  When she’d been done, he’d pulled her into a kiss, running a hand down her back because it was what she would want.  He was good at that, knowing how much he needed to do to make Sara happy.  Let her sit in his lap, hold her hand, tell everyone they were a couple, and kiss her, especially in public.  It was simple boyfriend stuff that he'd seen a million guys too, it was easy to copy.  He knew Sara was using him too, not for some deep-rooted reason, but because the “prettiest girl in Pepsi Max” needed to have a boyfriend.  

 

It helped that his parents liked Sara too.  She was polite, helpful, and he knew they looked good together.  Both blonde, young, and healthy, and that was really it but he was learning that for a high school couple, that was all people cared about.  It didn’t matter to anyone that they didn’t have a lot in common, or that he was hooking up with an older guy behind her back, they looked attractive as a pair, so everyone was happy..  His mother didn’t talk as much about God punishing him for sins, and his dad was impressed at how he scored such a beautiful girl.  He was pleasing everyone, and no one had to know his dirty little secret.

 

Currently though, his dirty secret and him were innocently playing video games up his bedroom.

 

“Yes, yes, I’m kicking your ass.  Man, you suck at this game.”  Isak joked, nudging his shoulder into Chris’.

 

“I’m sorry I don’t spend my weekends playing-come on you Irish fuck-video games.”  Chris replied, groaning and setting his charger down.  “I go outside.”  

 

“Outside sucks, you keep getting beaten up outside.”  The older boy rolled his eyes and sneered.  

 

“It hasn’t happened in weeks.”

 

“Yes, but I don’t get beaten up at all and neither do my friends so, I win.”  He cheered the last part because he just officially won the real game.  Chris smiled, genuinely fond of Isak.  It was nice to be around someone who wasn’t jaded, and could be silly like this.  His friends were great, but it might be a nice break to do stuff like this together and actually laugh.  When your best friend is William, you don’t do a lot of innocent and light-hearted activities.  

 

“Winner gets a prize.”  Chris smirked and kissed Isak deeply on the lips, pressing into him.  

 

“Chris, my mom is downstairs.”  Isak hissed, pulling away and looking over his shoulder.

 

“She likes me.”  Chris shrugged, going in for another kiss but Isak leaned back, shaking his head.

 

“No, she does not.  She really does not like you, I don’t know why you always say that.”  He chuckled.  Anytime Chris came over, his mom was suspicious at best and furious at worse.  Isak’s greatest fear was he’d be a witness to one of her episodes, or Chris would be the cause of one of them.  If Chris saw that, he wouldn’t want to hang around Isak anymore because Chris hated “drama.”   Things had been tense and quiet, too quiet, and he didn’t trust it.  He’d keep Chris far, far away from his parents.

 

“Because everyone likes me.”  Chris was indignant, unable to process someone not wanting him around.  As far as he was concerned, if someone didn’t like him, that was their problem.

 

“My mom and best friend do not.”  Isak stuck his finger in Chris’ face playfully.  Chris rolled his eyes, knocking it away and scowling to hide the grin that was about to form.

 

“Jonas is coming around.  He gave me the nod the other day.”  The older boy imitated the nod in question earning a giggle from Isak.  

 

“I’m sure my mom will nod at you very soon and then we can kiss while she’s home.”  

 

“And your dad?”  Isak rolled his eyes at the mention.  His dad had come back in the past month, apologizing, and pretending to care but Isak didn’t believe him.  As long as his dad stuck around until Isak was done with school, then he could move out and not worry about his parents.

 

“My dad doesn’t care about anything I do.”  

 

“Then he doesn’t matter.”  Chris shrugged.  He could relate, his parents weren’t bad to him but they just gave him all the money he needed and moved on.  If Chris got in trouble, they’d give him the resources to fix it but never actually talk to him.  They gave him freedom which was great because he could hook up with whoever he wanted, and have parties as often as he wanted.  That said, it also left him lonely at times but if they didn’t care about him, he didn’t care about them.  

 

“I guess.”  

 

“No, he doesn’t.  You’re a good kid Isak, your parents should take care of you.”  Chris knew he was difficult to handle, he could see why his parents ignored him but Isak was sweet.  He didn’t get into trouble, and he had that angelic face, how could someone neglect him?

 

“Kid.” Isak scoffed, annoyed at the babying but touched at the support.  “I’m only two years younger than you.”

 

“You’re a kid.”  Chris teased, kissing Isak’s cheek and standing to leave.  “Gotta go, I’ll text you this weekend.”  He grabbed his jacket, and left, not caring if Mrs. Valtersen was down there.  He walked past her, nodding his head in acknowledgement, and she stood slowly.

 

“Why are you always hanging around my son?”  She questioned, her tone curt and worried.

 

“He’s my friend.”  

 

“Aren’t you a little old to be hanging out with him?”  

 

“I’m only two years older him.”  The irony of that statement compared to what he said to Isak moments ago was not lost on him.  Still, why was she on his case?  She had no reason to believe they had a friends with benefits dynamic, so what could be the issue?  Chris was a guy two years older than her son who played video games with him.  Could she just tell he had a history of partying and not so holy behaviour?

 

“I don’t trust you around my son and I’d like you to stay away from him.”  She was eerily calm and Chris knew if he argued, she wouldn’t stay that way.  He sighed and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

 

“Okay.”  He left quickly, not wanting to engage in this anymore.  He wasn’t going to stay away from Isak though, he just wouldn’t come by his house.  It wasn’t the first time someone had told him he was a bad influence and to never come around their son/daughter, and it wouldn’t be the last.  He’d find a way around it like he always did.

 

That night, in the Valtersen home, Isak was called down to dinner with his parents.  Isak sat in his usual place and said nothing.  He hated seeing his parents pretend they were fine when he knew it was a matter of time before the next blow up.  His mom would lose it again in a week or two, his dad would confine her, and they would pretend it didn’t happen days later.

 

“So, Isak, how’s Sara?”  His father asked and he hummed.

 

“Good.”  He picked around his dinner noncommittally.

 

“She’s much better to hang around than Chris.”  His mother said Chris’ name like it was a curse.

 

“He’s my friend.”  Isak mumbled, not wanting to get into this argument again.

 

“He shouldn’t be, he’s going to lead you into a life of sin.”  He fought the urge to groan at what he knew would turn into a long conversation about his soul.  

 

“Marienne.”  His dad interjected but was ignored.  Isak rolled his eyes at how little his father tried, he might as well not even be there.

 

“You want to be pure in the eyes of the lord when he comes.  It’s going to be soon, Isak, the world is-“

 

“I know.”  He cut her off and sighed dejectedly.  “I’ll stop hanging out with him.”  It was a lie but there was no use in arguing with her when she was ranting about the end of the world and his soul.

 

“I’m just trying to save you, Isak.”  She reached across the table and squeezed his hand.  He pretended to smile at her but he was sick of this.  His mom needed some kind of help, and his dad should be the one to take care of that but he just sat there.  He always sat there, waiting for another blow up to occur, and then he could play victim at how hard it was for him to be married to her.

 

Monday came, and there were more and more rumours about a big fight between the Penetrators and the Yakuza again.  Isak tried to get ahold of Chris but all he got was.

 

_I’m chill_

 

At least he knew he was alive but the rumours were making him anxious.  Apparently, they’d been after William and came across a small fraction of the Penetrators while the Yakuza had about twenty guys.  Isak just needed to see Chris, just to make sure he was okay.  He knew better than to think he’d get details but he could at least get a sighting.

 

He was in the courtyard with Jonas, who seemed to be the only person that didn’t care about the Yakuza/Penetrator war.  Soon enough, everyone seemed to still and he knew what that meant, William’s car had pulled up.  Out came William, Chris, and a few other Penetrators.

 

“Your boy looks rough.”  Jonas commented and Isak couldn’t reply.  Chris had a swollen eye, scratches under that, and a scratch on his nose, Isak took a huge breath to keep himself from getting too stressed in front of Jonas.  “Those guys are idiots for getting involved in all this shit.”

 

“It’s not their fault, it’s the other guys, the Yakuza.”  Isak defended, still looking at Chris as he walked past Noora, Eva, and the girls.  Isak envied them, they were able to show their concern without it being questioned, he had to play it cool like Chris was just a casual friend. 

 

“Okay.”  Jonas knew better than to argue about Chris with Isak.  Isak was very protective over that relationship but he wasn’t telling Jonas why.  He knew why though, he couldn’t prove it, but he knew his best friend long enough to know there was more than just friendship going on.  

 

Isak debated what he should text Chris, something to show he cared but he wasn’t too needy or attached.  He hated when Chris made him feel like a kid, like he was there to protect Isak and Isak didn’t need to do anything for Chris.  They weren’t a couple, but they were friends, why was it wrong to worry about your friend?

 

_Nice face, another fight?_

 

He sent, hoping it would be seen as a joke and it would all be fine.

 

_Nice to know you’re still attracted to me with the constant bruises.  Probably should hang at mine so your mom doesn’t have more of a reason to hate me._

 

_She’s worried about my soul_

 

_Your soul is fine, better than most other people’s._

 

Isak blushed at that, and sat back in his seat, appeased enough over the fighting drama…for now.  His phone went off, and it was Chris again.

 

_William’s party, Friday?_

 

_Sure!_

 

Friday came around and Isak was getting ready for the party.  He was going to head over there with Jonas, who’d just given him the “be there in twenty” text.  It was at that moment, he heard crashing and shouting.  He heard his father begging his mother to calm down and his mother crying, he knew his night was over.

 

He pulled out his phone and sent Jonas a text that he’d be staying home over family stress.

 

_Want me to stay with you?_

 

Another crashing sound and Isak shook his head even though no one could see him.

 

_No, have fun, I got this._

 

_You sure?_

 

_Yeah, no stress_

 

He didn't go downstairs though, he stayed locked in his room to avoid the chaos.  If he didn’t have to be present, he wouldn’t be.  He knew how his mom could get, and he hated watching it.  It broke his heart and infuriated him at the same time.  He loved his mother, no matter how messed up she was, he loved her and seeing her in so much pain hurt him.  It also hurt him to know that he couldn’t help her, he couldn’t make her better, and typically the only thing to get her out of these episodes was time.  He just had to wait it out, making him feel helpless and scared.

 

As for the anger, he felt so much of it he didn’t even know what to do with it.  There was anger towards his father, who acted like he had the situation under control but was just putting band aids on an open wound.  He never tried anything new to help, and just a few months ago, he left.  He left his teenage son to care for a very sick women with little regard for how that could mess anyone up.  

 

Sometimes, he got angry with his mother for not having the wherewithal when she’s not having an episode to help herself.  It was an unrealistic and unfair expectation to put on her, but this was something Isak didn’t understand.  He didn’t want to understand it, he just wanted it fixed.  He just wanted to have normal, stable parents like Jonas did.  He’d even take Eva’s absentee parents because at least her mom checks in, and her dad stays away.  There’s no back and forth, she knows what’s coming and she can accept it.  Isak didn’t have that luxury.

 

There’s a slight pattern in his mother’s episodes but they’re never the same, he can’t get a grasp on it.  Everything is terrifying, confusing, and he has no power over the situation.  All he wants is something consistent and safe that he can call his home.  He doesn’t have a home, and it breaks his heart.  The only thing he can do is cry and seethe in his locked bedroom, waiting for another storm to die down, and hoping for a better life one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to do a lot of internal work with Isak here. He's not involved in a lot of action in the first three episodes, and I've always found it odd that the one party Isak is not present at is William's party in episode 3. Jonas is there so it's not like they only wanted the girl squad to be present (like some of the season 1 parties), that's where the end scene here came from.
> 
> We don't know a lot about how/when Isak's family life fell apart enough for him to leave his home (one of the few things I think season 3 messed up on was giving us minimal detail on what Isak suffered at home) so this fic is actually fun for me because I have enough content to go off of to piece together a story but not enough so I can make it my own. I had Isak's dad return because to write this fic I rewatch a lot of scenes to make sure I get things right. Isak father leaves both in episode 10 of season 1 and then in season 3, Isak tells Even he met Eskild when his dad left BUT Eskild and Isak don't begin interacting until season 2, episode 7 when Eva tells Eskild about Isak. So, to me this means Isak's father left their family twice (or Julie messed up her timeline OR Isak and Eskild began secretly interacting and Eskild pretended not to know anything to Eva and Noora but that's too ridiculous).
> 
> Next chapter will be episodes 4 to 6 where Isak and Chris became more relevant to the story of season 2. I'll definitley include a backstory on how Jonas got involved in the Yakuza drama. It's always been interesting to me how Isak reached out to Chris to get revenge for Jonas and why I got into Chrisak. Why Chris, who has bad blood with Jonas, and not William who was a more relevant character the past two seasons and is the leader of the Penetrators? This would've tied Isak into Noora's storyline further rather than isolating it in an unexplained side story with Chris. 
> 
> Anyways, let me know what your theories are and what you thought of this chapter :)


	12. Yakuza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak attends the "Help the Penetrators and Syria party" and everything goes to hell

Easter break came and went fairly quickly.  Isak spent most of it at Jonas’, trying to avoid his family drama.  Chris spent all of it with the Penetrators and occasionally texted Isak about how trashed he is, with photos of the destroyed cabin.  He hung out with Sara a few times but spending one on one time together without any outside influence only proved how wrong they were together.

 

“Isak, I think we should breakup.”  Sara said casually as he walked her home.  He almost asked why but he knew why, so he sighed.

 

“Okay.”  He shrugged, looking over at her and pretending to be disappointed.

 

“We’re not right together, you know that.  You won’t even have sex with me, do you think I’m ugly or something?”  She added, looking scared at the thought.

 

“No, no, you’re beautiful.”  He didn’t want to sleep with her but she definitely wasn’t ugly.  He felt guilty that she was feeling insecure because of him.  A part of him wanted to say he’d have sex with her once and for all but he knew there’d be no going back from that.  He was messed up about his sexuality, but he wasn’t that messed up.

 

“Then why?”  She pouted, desperate to figure out why they couldn’t make it work.  Sure, she was only with him for status but that didn’t mean they couldn’t fool around and maybe end up liking each other for real.  Isak was sweet, and cute, there was no reason that they couldn’t make it work.

 

“I just, it’s like you said, we don’t fit together.”  He came up with lamely.  

 

“Right.”  She hummed, looking at him as if waiting for the real answer.  When all he could give her was a blank stare back, she sighed. “Thanks for walking me home, enjoy your break.”  She gave him a quick hug, kissing his cheek and running back into her house.  He had been surprised at how quick it had happened but relieved to have one less thing to worry about.  Sure, he didn’t have a girlfriend to hide behind, but he should’ve picked one he actually liked.

 

The return to school is welcome as it gives him an escape from his rapidly deteriorating family.  His mother’s episodes were occurring more and more, and his father was growing distant again.  Isak tried to stay out or locked up in his room as much as he could, but it was inescapable at times.  Just two days ago, he’d found his mother desperately trying to escape their home, insisting that “they” were after her.  His dad had put bolts on the locks and Isak hated him.  He knew it was wrong to hate your father, but it was also wrong to neglect your sick wife and son.

 

He happily greeted Chris who was waiting by his locker, arms crossed and eyebrows raised.

 

“Miss me?”  He teased, cocking his head to the side.  He knew Isak would play it casual as they were in school but he lived to make him squirm.  

 

“Not at all.”  Isak shook his head and acted like Chris wasn’t there.

 

“Ouch, you’re not even happy to see my face healed up?”  Isak turned at that, taking in the older boy’s face.  It was free of bruises, cuts, and swelling and Isak bit his lip hard to stop himself from leaning in to kiss the skin.  

 

“You look pretty.”  He whispered, looking around to make sure no one head.  Chris smirked and brushed his arm over Isak’s side as he walked off, satisfied with the encounter.

 

The rest of the week primarily consisted about the Penetrator’s new party and fundraiser.  

 

_Are you seriously having a party to raise money for the cabin you guys trashed_

 

_You have a better idea to raise money?  If it makes you feel better, William is making us give some of the money to Syria or something_

 

_ Wow, William is quite the philanthropist  _

 

_ He just wants to bang Noora _

 

_Ah of course_

 

_It’s the same reason I keep inviting you to parties ;)_

 

Isak shifted in his seat and blushed, not texting back right away.  Normally, he can keep up with Chris but the idea of having sex stresses him out.  He doesn’t want to do it with girls, he does want to with Chris but it also terrifies him.  Having sex with a guy would make him confirmed gay and he wasn’t ready for that.

 

_Just kidding, it’s because you’re a fun drunk_

 

_Fuck you._

 

Isak went to the party with Jonas and Isabel, having an okay time.  Chris was involved in the ridiculous hook up auction and he doesn’t want to be a third wheel with Jonas so he tried to be social.  He was greeted with a very drunk Eva, throwing her arms around him.

 

“Hi, Isak!”  He caught her as she stumbled, amused and genuinely happy to be around Eva again.  They hadn’t spoken since all of their drama, and he appreciated her giving him space.  Now, he just missed her.  She was the only one, besides Chris, who knew his secret and it meant a lot that she hadn’t said a word…as far as he knew.

 

“I’ve missed you.”  She squeezed him close and then let go, looking up at him sadly.  “We never hang out anymore.”  He wasn’t sure what to say to that.  They didn’t hang out anymore because he’d tried to ruin her life and because he told her a big secret he was too ashamed to discuss.  She squealed and rested her head on his chest, nuzzling at his shirt.  “You know what?  You’re so sweet.”  He smiled, partly amused and partly touched that she was over his transgressions.  She moved on from that topic quickly, clapping her hands and looking at like she had the craziest piece of gossip.  “Jonas has a girlfriend!  Did you know?  She’s a third year.”

 

Isak glanced at Noora who seemed distracted, and he saw she was looking at William.  It was funny to know that he and her had something in common that they’d probably never talk about: having a thing for a Penetrator you shouldn’t.  He envied her though, her dating William would be more accepted than him ever being public with Chris.  He knew some of that was his doing, but a lot of it came from how he saw gay guys.  He barely knew any, and as far as he knew they all hung out in certain parts of Oslo.  They stayed separate, he didn’t want to be separate, he wanted to fit in.  Eva kept giggling and hanging from him, keeping him close.

 

“I’ve really missed you.  It’s so good to see you.”  She slurred, kissing at his neck and cheeks.  Now he was uncomfortable, he did not want to be a hookup for Eva.  Putting aside the drama of last semester, and the Chris connection, she was like a sister in his eyes.  The idea of making out with her made him feel wrong, worse than making out with Sara.

 

“No.”  He chuckled, trying to play it like he was amused by her actions.

 

“What?”  She laughed too, believing he was playing hard to get.

 

“We’ll just drop it.”  She was too drunk to remember the last time they spoke, and he did not want to get into it again.  She tugged at his shirt, batting her eyes at him.

 

“Don’t you want to make out with me?”  She reached out for his face, and he was desperate to find an escape route.

 

“No, we’ll just drop it.”  He pulled away from her and she finally caught on.

 

“Is it because you like…”  She trailed off as it hit her.  Eva was drunk, and when she was drunk she got sloppy but she wasn’t sloppy enough to throw something like that in his face.  Making out with random people, falling down, getting sick, that she could live with, but not outing a friend.  What Isak had done to her had been wrong, but Isak struggling his sexuality was bigger than any of that.  “Nevermind.”

 

Noora finally stepped in, taking Eva to get water and looking at him apologetically.  He was left alone again, looking over at Chris who was talking to Vilde.  He was whispering in her ear and laughing, he knew it was silly to be jealous but he was.  He wished Chris would come up to him and whisper something in his ear.  He looked away when he saw Noora was pushing Eva on Vilde, fed up with that situation.  Eventually, he started drinking with some people in his year, forgetting all of his personal drama.  When he felt too much, he needed to numb out with alcohol.  

 

“Hey man.”  He turned to see Jonas, girlfriend-free and a little baked.

 

“What’s up?”  


 

“Thinking of heading out.” 

 

“Why?  Because your girl abandoned you.”  

 

“Yeah, but that was kind of ruined when Eva fell on us.  Isabel was pissed, man.”  Isak couldn’t even pretend he didn’t think that was hilarious.  Maybe it was because he was over Jonas, but knowing that Eva fell on top of him and his girlfriend was a priceless image.  “Whatever, I heard she was all over you.”

 

“I’d never hook up with Eva.”  Isak got serious then.  He knew he’d betrayed Jonas last semester with the gossip, but he’d never do anything like that.  


“I know, I know.  Want to get out of here?”  Isak glanced around to spot Chris, and he found him pressed up against some first year girl.  He sighed and looked back to Jonas, nodding.  They got halfway home when a huge group of guys came into their sight.

 

“Shit, Isak, get out of here.”  Jonas hissed and Isak looked at him like he was insane.

 

“That’s him, that’s Jonas.”  The head guy nodded in his direction and Isak was definitely not going anywhere.  The next ten minutes were a terrifying, surreal blur that Isak wished he could erase from his memory.  Apparently, Jonas had fought with some douche Eva hooked up with weeks ago at William’s party and that guy knew the Yakuza.  Half of the Yakuza began beating Jonas, while the other half held Isak back and made him watch.  He struggled, but there were too many and they were all bigger than him.  


 

“Watch yourself, faggot, you don’t want us to beat your face in too.”  One of them warned and Isak froze, petrified and knowing he couldn’t do anything.  They finally let up and Isak was at Jonas’ side in seconds.  

 

“Jonas, shit, we’ve got to get you home.”  He gently lifted him up, trying not to cry or throw up at the large amount of blood gushing from Jonas’ nose and mouth.  

 

“Yeah, mom’s got bandages and-“  He stopped talking, woozy from the combination of alcohol, weed, and blood loss.

 

“Don’t talk, come on, I've got you,”  Isak held Jonas up, grateful he was the taller one.  He pulled out his phone, sending a quick text to his parents to say he’d sleep over at Jonas’.  “Wait”  He stopped him and got an idea.  He took a quick picture of Jonas’ bloody face as hard as it was and posted it to Snapchat.  He had to spread this in the best way he knew: social media.  By Monday, the whole school would know and maybe his best friend could get some justice.

 

He had been right, by Monday, everyone was buzzing about the attack on Jonas.  He was bombarded with questions, and it was made worse since Jonas had stayed home, but he was too happy to tell everyone.  Jonas had had his back when he’d needed it, it was his turn to do the same.

 

_What the fuck happened to Jonas?  I got this, I’ve dealt with those assholes too long and I can help him.  Did they touch you?_

 

_No.  You want to help Jonas?_

 

_ Of course I do.  He’s not my friend but those Yakuza punks need to be shut down.  You okay? _

 

_I’m fine, Chris, they didn’t do anything to me.  How can we do that?  
_

_They didn’t do anything to you?  Give me some time, I’ll talk to my boys and work something out._

 

_They just held me back and made me watch them beat up Jonas._

 

_Goddamn it, okay, I got this._

 

Isak couldn’t believe how much Chris cared about whether he was okay, and that he actually wanted to help Jonas.  It made perfect sense though to go to Chris, who better to help shut this down?  By Friday, Chris was hitting him up again to meet him after school.  What he didn’t know was William and Noora had spotted them, and that Noora was going to tell Eva everything.  

 

“So, what’s the plan?”  Isak asked nervously, not well versed in this kind of thing.

 

“My boys and I are going to make sure the Yakuza are done for.  We’re gonna get all our guys and call out their guys.  That’ll settle this once and for all.”  Isak looked at Chris in horror.  “What?”

 

“They have endless guys, they always come with a bigger group.”  

 

“That’s because they come unannounced like pussies, this time it’ll be planned.  We can get all our guys together.  We can get guys that aren’t even Penetrators, trust me.”  Chris shook his head, trying to keep Isak calm.  “You and Jonas can join, if you want.”

 

“I don’t know.”  He really didn’t want to fight, and he didn’t want to see Chris or Jonas get hurt.

 

“You don’t have to.  I just thought you might want revenge, Jonas too.”  Isak leaned back against his seat, thinking about what he really wanted.

 

“I’m in.”  Isak decided, looking to Chris with malice in his eyes and Chris felt a tightness in his chest.  Isak was the one person he knew that wasn’t angry, tortured, or “too cool”, he didn’t want that to change.  

 

“Isak, this could be really dangerous-“  


 

“They beat the shit out of my best friend, and held me back.  They made me watch, they threatened me, they called me a fag-“

 

“Okay, okay, they’re gonna get theirs.”  Chris took Isak’s face in his hands to calm him down.  “My boys will take care of it.”  He made a vow to himself that nobody would touch Isak during the fight, he couldn’t handle it.  When he made that promise, he thought he was doing it to protect Isak but in retrospect, he was protecting himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay headcanon times
> 
> I've recently decided that it was Isak who posted the Snapchat of Jonas' bloody face and was there for the fight. We know Jonas is protective of Isak, and season 1-2 Isak was more fragile. It was only during season 3 that we saw bro!Isak and I believe many things took him to that place. Hiding that he was gay, his family drama, and all the stuff he saw go down with the Yakuza. Yeah, it could've just been a mask to hide that he was gay BUT I do think part of it was Isak getting older. I think he does like rap music, and all of that BUT I think initially it was to feel "cool" and then he ended up genuinely enjoying a lot of it. 
> 
> Bottom line: a lot made Isak change by the time we get to season 3 and for the sake of this fic, I'm putting him right in the Yakuza stuff. 
> 
> As for Eva here, since I had Isak come out to her earlier, I couldn't have her say "is it because you like guys" As I wrote, she gets sloppy but she's never malicious. I couldn't imagine a slightly canon world where Eva says that to him. That said, I am going to keep subtly calling out how her and Noora gossiped about Isak's sexuality behind his back. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't make them bad people, but it does sort of get on my nerves at times.
> 
> Let me know what you think about this chapter, and my headcanons haha


	13. Somethings Into Nothings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and the men in his life have a tumultuous week

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a damn doozy, a lot goes down.

The next week was a wild ride and it all started when Isak got a new follower on Instagram; some guy named Eskild.  It took him a moment but he realized that this was that guy Noora lived with.  He didn’t know much about him but he knew he was older than him, even older than Chris, and he was pretty sure he was gay.  His profile was private, so that’s as deep as he could go.  So, Isak accepted the request, curious about where this would go.

 

Eskild began chatting with him right away, liking a few of his posts.  He eventually told Isak if he ever wanted to hang out, this is where he usually went.  He said he might be going out tonight, if Isak wants to come.  Isak mulled it over carefully.  This guy probably wasn’t dangerous if he was always hanging with Noora and her friends, and Jonas was staying in with Isabel this weekend wanting to just chill especially since he’d agreed to be apart of Chris’ big fight.  It might be nice to hang out with someone new, especially someone gay.

 

He knew he liked kissing Chris more than any other girl he’d ever kissed.  He knew he wanted to do more with Chris, and he’d never wanted more with any girl.  Maybe he was gay, not super gay like the guys normally at gay bars who dress up like girls but gay enough to like boys.  That was okay, he could handle that.

 

“Isak.”  His mom knocked at his door.  She sounded flat, and numb so he sighed, really wishing he could just climb out of his window.  

 

“Come in.”  She walked in, and he knew that look.  It was the same look from the first time his father left.  Isak knew right away what was happening.

 

“Your father is leaving…again.  I’m sorry.”  She began crying and he put his arm around her, rubbing her back slowly.

 

“It’s not your fault, it’s his.”  Isak squeezed her shoulder harder than he’d intended but he was livid.  His dad was going to bail on them, and leave Isak to take care of his mother AGAIN.  He stood slowly, not debating his next move for a second.

 

“Isak.”  He ignored his mother strained voice as he searched the house for his father.  He found him in his parent’s bedroom, tossing things into a suitcase.

 

“You’re joking, right?”  He snapped and his dad turned his head, shock and fear in his eyes.

 

“Isak, try to understand."

 

"No, no, there's nothing to understand.  You’re a selfish coward.  You know she needs help, and you know I can’t handle this alone but you’re tired so you’ve leaving  You haven’t even tried to really get her help, you just do whatever you can to keep her inside so no one has to see that your wife is crazy.”  Isak didn’t want his mother to hear that last part, so he lowered his voice a tad but he was not going to let up on his dad.

 

“It’s not like that, this has been a lot on me.  When we got married, I never thought-“  

 

“Oh poor you.”  Isak rolled his eyes, not feeling bad for his dad for one second.  “So, get her help, like therapy or something.”

 

"She doesn’t want to go, it scares her.”  His father came up with lamely.  It was true, but he knew he didn’t really try to get her to go.  

 

“Everything scares her!”  He was trying hard not to yell but it was damn difficult.  “If you really cared about me or her, you’d stick around and have us deal with this, actually deal with it, as a family.”

 

“We can, I just need some space first.”  His father moved closer, hands raised in surrender.

 

“You're pathetic.  I'm going out.”  Isak muttered, turning his back on his dad.

 

“You're just going to leave your mother?”  Isak stopped, his whole body tensed and it took everything in him not to punch his dad right in the jaw.  He had the audacity to act like Isak was the bad guy right now.  None of this would even be happening if his dad had any decency, and Isak was not going to let him pass the blame.

 

“Why not?  You do!”  He stormed out, only heading up to get his wallet, phone, and keys.  His mother stood frozen in the hallway and he almost stayed but he sped walked past her.  He didn't care what he looked like, he didn’t care about anything but being far away from his parents.  He went right to the bar Eskild had told him about, using the fake ID that Chris had made for him.  

 

Isak arrived, clutching his hoodie from the nerves.  He hadn’t fully thought this out, going alone in an area he’d never been to.  It was better than home though, it was better than his reality.  He watched groups of men and women, confident and secure as they held hands or kissed the same sex.  He felt his stomach lurch, did he belong here?  He wasn’t like them, especially the guys.  There was nothing wrong with how they dressed or acted but it wasn’t him.  Most of all, they were confident and proud of who they were, he wasn’t even close to that.  He wanted to be though, he wanted desperately to walk with his head up high and feel like he deserved to be happy.  Maybe, this was a place to start looking for inspiration.  

 

“Isakyaki!”  He turned to see Eskild, happily walking towards him, and breathed a sigh of relief.  

 

“Hey.”  He still felt shy though, blushing because he realized Eskild might think he was gay.

 

“First time down here?”  Eskild questioned gently.  “Don’t you worry, I’ll show you around!”  He felt an instant fondness for the younger boy.  He knew what it was like to brave the gay bar scene for the first time, and if he could make it easier for Isak, he would.

 

“You don’t have to-“

 

“Hush, I’ve got your back.”  Eskild had seen so many guys like Isak: scared, unsure, needing guidance before they made an irreversible bad choice. 

 

“Thanks.”  Isak mumbled but smiled up at him sweetly.  Eskild had never really wanted to hook up with Isak, but he wouldn’t even consider it now; he was a confused kid.  Isak needed a mentor, a friend, not some older guy taking advantage of his naïvety and innocence.  

 

Two hours later, and Eskild was fending off just those kinds of guys from the younger boy.  Isak had knocked down way too many beers and was having the time of his life.

 

“Hey, Eskild, is this like only a gay bar?  Like no straight people come here?”  Isak thought he was whispering but everyone in a three-foot distance heard him.  

 

“Yeah, buddy, it’s a gay bar.  Straight people can come but it’s more our scene.”  Eskild playful ruffled some of Isak’s hair, laughing as the younger boy scowled and fixed it.

 

“That’s cool…but like can’t you go to straight bars?”  His voice was genuine hushed now, as if he didn’t want to offend anyone.

 

“Yeah, but sometimes people don’t like that and it can get dangerous so it’s safer to be here, together.”  Eskild felt like he was giving Isak a class in “Intro to Gay Life 101” the way Isak was looking at him.  He was trusting Eskild to tell him everything, and he was very lucky that it was Eskild.  Someone who would truly care for him, be honest, and want the best for his journey into this world.

 

“Together…like a family?”  Isak wanted that.  He wanted a group of people who would always care about him.  He used to think it was bad that gay people were separate when it came to bars and clubs and groups, but now it seemed nice.  They were staying safe together.

 

“In a way.”  Eskild knew not every member of the LGBT community was a saint like the image Isak was dreaming about.  He didn’t want to tell him that, for now he’d let Isak have this idealized version that was making him so happy.

 

“I wish Chris was here.”  Isak said, a smile forming on his face at the thought of the older boy.

 

“Who’s Chris?”

 

“My-he’s my…Chris is…I-“  Isak rambled because who was Chris?  They weren’t dating, but they weren’t just friends.  He supposed friends with benefits seemed appropriate but it was deeper than that to Isak.  “I like him.”

 

“Does he like you?”  

 

“Yeah, but he likes other people too.”  His tone was bitter now, thinking of the girl from the Penetrator’s party, giggling as Chris nuzzled at her neck.  “I think he likes me best though.”  He couldn’t prove that but he knew that Chris didn’t play video games or send memes to the girls he messed around with.  As for any other guys, well, Isak was pretty sure that he was the only guy right now.

 

“Are you okay with that?”  Eskild was gentle, and understanding because he knew this situation first hand.  Isak was halfway out of the closet and feeding off of the affection of the first boy who gave it to him.  Maybe Chris didn’t mean any harm, but Isak deserved someone he was the first priority of.  Someone to give him their full attention, because he clearly needed it.  The poor boy was starving for real affection 

 

Isak didn’t answer the question, he downed his next beer and that was enough of an answer for Eskild.  

 

“I want to go home-no I don’t, I hate home.”  He sighed heavily, and Eskild’s heart broke for this kid.  “I don’t feel great, can you call Chris?  I want to go to his house.”  

 

“Are you sure?”  

 

“Yes, please.  He’s the only one you can call, Jonas can’t know I’m here.”  Jonas, Eskild knew that name from Eva’s word vomit when she’d come over for his “birthday.”  He must be Isak’s friend, his friend who had no idea about any of this. 

 

“Okay, okay, but I’m going to stay with you until he gets here.  Is that okay?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, just call him for me.  I can’t talk to him now.  I'll say something stupid.”  He took out his phone, typed in the code, and shoved it into the older guy’s hands.  Eskild called Chris and, thankfully, he answered right away.  

 

“Hey babe, what’s-“

 

“Um, hi, my name is Eskild.  I’m with Isak, he wants you to pick him up.”  Isak was looking up at him with wide eyes, like Chris’ answer would make or break him.

 

“Is he okay?”  

 

“He’s fine, he’s just had too much to drink and he doesn’t want to go home.”  

 

“Okay, where are you?”  Eskild gave him the address and then spent the next twenty minutes trying to keep Isak from having another beer, and getting him outside.  Isak was drunk enough to be difficult but not so far gone that he was unaware of his nerves.  Chris was coming to take him home, and care for him.  All he wanted was someone, especially Chris, to give him their full devotion.  The alcohol was making him all too aware of how touched and love starved he was.  Once Eskild got him outside, Chris pulled up within moments, getting out of his car and looking anxious enough that both Isak and Eskild felt relief.  

 

Chris cared.

 

“Chris.”  Isak smiled dopily, head tilting to the side and Chris sighed, a small smile forming.  

 

“Come on, let’s get you in the car.  I have water for you, okay?”  Chris took Isak in his arms and maneuvered him into the front seat.  

 

“You came.”  Chris stopped moving Isak at that and finally took in his face.  His breath caught in his throat over how the younger boy was looking at him; like he was falling in love.  Chris knew then, this was going too far.  They’d promised to keep it casual in terms of their physical/romantic relationship, but there was nothing casual about Isak’s face.  

 

“Of course I came.  Someone’s gotta make sure you don’t drink yourself to death.”  He teased, trying to make the situation less intense.  

 

“Just had a few beers.”  There was the bratty, stubborn Isak he knew.

 

“Right, now drink your water.”  Isak pouted but grabbed his water bottle anyway.  Chris shut the door and walked over to Eskild.  “Thanks, man.  You, uh, you live with Noora right?”  He recognized him from her Instagram and William had mentioned Noora’s older roommates.

 

“Yeah.”  Eskild nodded, confused over the question.

 

“Could you not tell anyone?  I don’t care but Isak-he doesn’t want people thinking he’s gay.”  Chris really didn't care if people thought he was dating Isak, but he knew how scared the blonde boy was.  He had fooled around with guys before, and he knew he was popular and respected enough around school to do whatever he wanted.  Isak was new to this, and he was just a first year, he'd have more to lose.

 

“Yeah, no problem, I won’t say a word.”  Eskild was going to make sure Eva and Noora stopped gossiping about Isak.  This kid was not ready to come out, and the girls needed to stop gossiping about it.  It was all good fun when he didn’t know Isak, but now he saw the situation was too deep.

 

“Thanks, and thanks again for taking care of him.” 

 

“It was fine, he’s sweet.”  Eskild looked over at the car and saw Isak was falling asleep in his seat.  

 

“Sometimes.”  Chris joked, giving Eskild his signature grin and he saw why Isak was falling for him.  He’s exactly the kind of guy Eskild would’ve fallen for before he knew better.  At least Chris was good enough to pick Isak up and give him a place to stay.

 

The next morning came too soon for Isak and he was woken up by the sun shining right in his eyes.

 

“Good morning, sleeping beauty.”  He looked up to see Chris standing over him with a smirk.  

 

“You’re talking too loud.  Why am I-oh god, did your parents see me?”  

 

“No but my mom is downstairs.  She made breakfast for you because she thinks it’s cute that I have a first year I take care of.”  It was true, she had seen the younger boy in her son's bed and when Chris told him he'd taken care of a drunk first year, she'd melted.  

 

“Shut up.”  Isak muttered and buried his face in the pillow, subtly inhaling Chris’ scent.

 

“You want to stay here today?  I know you don’t want to go home.”  Chris had gotten bits and pieces last night on the drive home about the Valtersen family drama.

 

“Did I tell you?”

 

“You weren’t coherent enough to tell me everything but, your dad left?” Isak nodded, eyes squeezing shut as if he was trying to block out his emotional pain and hangover.  “Fuck him, Isak.  Can you stay with Jonas or something?”

 

“Probably but only for so long.  I can’t live there anymore.”  He sighed, blood-shot eyes opening.  

 

“Maybe you could live with Eskild and Noora.”  Chris was only half-joking.  He did think Isak should do what Noora did, move out and live on her own.  

 

“You don’t think he’ll tell Noora?  I didn’t know it was a gay bar.”  Isak sat up, clutching his head and wincing.  

 

“He won’t tell her, I promise.  I’ll get you some water and something for the headache.”  Chris knew better than to question _“I didn’t know it was a gay bar”_ because he could tell it was code for _“I don’t want to admit I enjoyed a gay bar.”_

 

Isak does go to stay at Jonas’ later on, and he’s welcomed with open arms.  Jonas’ parents knew enough about his home life that they always welcomed him with open arms.  He knew he couldn’t move in with them, but it was nice for the time being.

 

“Have you spoken to either of them?”  Jonas asked gently as they sat on his bed.  Isak shook his head slowly, looking down.  “You’re always welcome here, man, but maybe check in on your mom.”

 

“Yeah.  I’ll go tomorrow after school, will you go with me?”  

 

“Of course.”  After school on Monday, they head over to his home and he takes a shuddering breath before walking in.  It’s quiet, dark, and he knows what that means.  He goes up to his mother’s room and finds her asleep in her bed despite how early it is, and notes she’s home alone.  

 

“I’m gonna pack some of my stuff.”  He muttered and Jonas pursed his lips like the idea didn’t sit right with him.

 

“Shouldn’t you say hi to her?”  

 

“I can’t do it anymore, Jonas.  I can’t take care of her, it’s not right.”  Jonas sighed, he couldn’t argue with that.  “They're supposed to take care of me."

 

“I get it, bro.  Come on, I’ll help you pack some stuff and tell my mom you’re staying over for a bit.”  

 

“Eventually, I’ll have to go somewhere though.  I can’t come back here, where do I go?”

 

“You don’t have to figure that out now.”  Jonas didn’t want Isak to stress himself out.  He was the only person Isak saw as family, and he took that very seriously.  Someone had to look out for Isak.

 

Friday comes, and Isak jolted awake remembering it’s the day of the fight.  He knew the Penetrators were having a bus party first, to get everyone together and bring them to open space for the fight.  It was Isak’s job is to stay on lookout and alert Chris the second the Yakuza arrive at the area.

 

He spent the day anxious and jumpy, too much happening to him in the span of a week to even fathom what could happen tonight.  Jonas and him worked out logistics throughout the day, as he refused to let Isak wait by himself.  Isak was doing this for him, he was going to stand with him through all of it.  

 

The time came, and he called Chris when the Yakuza are within sight.  

 

_Be right there, getting all the boys.  Don’t do anything until we get there!_

 

All of the Penetrators come pouring out of their bus, ready for action, Isak’s eyes stayed on Chris, it was the only sight that could steady him.  That was, until he spotted Eva, Noora, Sana, Chris, and Vilde trailing behind them.  He knew it was the last thing he should be thinking about but considering Eva and Chris’ history, it made him nervous.  Was something going on between Eva and Chris again?

 

He was snapped out of that quickly as one of the Penetrator’s got head butted by the leader of the Yakuza.  That’s when everything went to hell.  People were punching and shoving, it was mania, and Jonas was holding him back from any of the action.  He kept backing up, his arm over Isak’s body so when he moved, his best friend went with him.  

 

Suddenly, the worst happened: William smashed a wine bottle on the leader’s head.  For a millisecond, everyone stilled to take it in.  Chris jumped back to avoid shards of glass hitting him, Jonas’ eyes went wide and it felt like all the breath was sucked out of him, Isak jumped back too, wanting to get far away.  He’d wanted justice, but this wasn’t who he was.  He wasn’t a violent person, he never had been, and if it meant smashing bottles on people’s heads, he never wanted to be.

 

“Let’s go.”  Jonas tugged on his arm, knowing they could get away from the fight.  No one wanted them, this was between the Yakuza and the Penetrators.  Isak ran with him impulsively, but they didn’t get far until he when he remembered Chris.  “Isak!”  


“Hold on.”  Isak called back, ignoring how Jonas looked at him like he was insane.  He tried to find Chris in the crowd but it was almost impossible.  It was a sea of men and boys attacking each other, it was brutal and savage.  Police sirens sounded in the distance and Isak couldn’t move.  

 

“Isak, let’s go.”  Jonas urged him, if they ran now, they could avoid any involvement with this.  Isak stayed frozen in his spot, he’d planned this with Chris, and he couldn’t let him and the guys take the fall.  He deserved this too.

 

The police broke up the fight, taking down everyone’s names, and an ambulance is called for Yakuza’s leader who’s bleeding badly from the head.  Everyone disperses over time, eventually the only ones left are the girls (minus Noora), Jonas, Isak, and Chris.

 

“Are you guys okay?”  Eva asked the guys nervously, eyes trying to focus on all of them.  She had a history and bond with each of them, and it terrified her knowing one of them could’ve been seriously hurt.

 

“Yeah.”  Chris muttered, just wanting to leave.

 

“Are you girls okay?”  Jonas asked in response and they all nodded.  Vilde was hanging onto Chris and Sana while Eva stood in front, trying to hide that she was shaking.

 

“Where did Noora go?”  (girl) Chris questioned, the shock from the fight had hit her so hard she hadn’t even notice her friend leave.

 

“Probably bailed when William-“  (boy) Chris stopped himself, he’d forgotten that William and Noora were supposed to be a secret.  He wasn’t going to get into this with Vilde around knowing how she obsessed over his best friend.  “I mean, doesn’t she like hate this kind of stuff?  Seeing a bunch of guys fight probably pissed her off.”

 

“We should go.”  Eva took a deep breath and turned to the girls, who walked off in a huddled group.  Jonas smiled at the sight, he still had love in his heart for Eva, and seeing her safe with her friends made him happy.  

 

Isak, Chris, and Jonas stood there awkwardly for a solid 60 seconds before Chris finally spoke.

 

“I’m gonna head home, you guys need anything?”  He was speaking to both but he only looked at Isak, who shook his head.  Jonas didn’t say a word or even look at them because he knew this wasn’t about him.  It was about whatever secret, deep bond Chris and Isak had.  Isak watched Chris leave until he was out of sight before turning to Jonas, sighing heavily.  

 

“I could sleep for days.”  He muttered as they walked to Jonas’.

 

“Let’s.”  Jonas laughed humourlessly.

 

Isak didn’t sleep though, he couldn’t.  Every time he closed his eyes, he saw people being punched, kicked, knocked down, and screaming.  He saw William clutching the bottle.  He saw the girls looking terrified and leaning on each other for security.  He saw Jonas looking at the situation with more regret than he’d ever felt in his life.  He saw the kind of chaos he was trying to avoid at home.

 

He stared up at the ceiling, willing sleep to come but it never did.  It was ten in the morning when he got a text from Chris.

 

_Morning.  Meet me in the park at 12?_

 

He does, telling Jonas that he’s just going for a walk to clear his head.  Chris is sitting on a bench, two coffees in hand and Isak forgets how bad things are over the gesture.

 

“Hey.”  Chris handed him the coffee and took a heavy breath.

 

“You okay?”

 

“Yeah, you?”  Chris nodded, not looking Isak in the eye.  It was like a roll reversal as Isak tried to get Chris to look back and engage with him.  

 

“I gotta tell you something.  I hooked up with Eva.”  It shouldn’t be a big deal in the grand scheme of things but the last time he’d hooked up with Eva, Isak was furious with them.  He'd rather be upfront than hide him.  Isak was his friend first, and he saw how deeply he'd been falling for him.

 

“You never tell me about your hookups…I thought that was kind of the deal.”  In reality, Isak was shocked and he felt like the sadness was crushing him but he wanted to play it cool.

 

“Yeah, but this is different, it’s Eva.  Last semester you and I weren’t doing anything and you got pissed about Eva.  I didn’t want you to find out the wrong way and-“

 

“What?  Tell the school that you, a single guy, and Eva, a single girl, hooked up?”  Isak was focusing on the logic of the situation, burying his feelings as deeply as he could.

 

“You don’t care?”  Chris didn’t believe it, he knew Isak was holding back and it was worse.  He’d rather the younger boy yell or cry, it would be real.

 

“Yeah, I do care but…you’re not my boyfriend.  You didn't promise me anything.”  There was the bitterness and resentment again.    


 

“Isak.”  Chris reached out to take his hand and Isak shook it off, standing and looking away.  The older boy had made a lot of people cry but this one was the hardest.  He knew Isak was struggling with liking guys, and he never should've started something like this with him.  The younger boy might be too scared for a real boyfriend, but it's what he deserved.  Chris just wasn't that guy.

 

“I’ve gotta go.”

 

“You just got here.”  


 

“And I want to leave.”

 

He left as quickly as his legs would take him, blinking back the tears in his eyes and throwing his coffee on the ground.  He was furious: with Chris, with Eva, but mostly with himself.  Chris had never promised him anything but he thought that maybe 4 months of hooking up would mean something.  He’d been naive enough to believe that they’d be something one day.  He didn’t even want to be out as a couple with Chris, but he wanted to be something more.  He wanted to be the only one Chris wanted but they were nothing, and they’d always be nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you it was a lot
> 
> 1\. For those who haven't read the season two texts, Eskild does text Noora and Eva that Isak isn't gay but knowing they first met at a gay bar indicates to me that he knew Isak was but he wasn't ready to be out. So, he threw the girls off of the idea so Isak could come out in his way without people gossiping about him. A luxury he got, until Emma stepped in...I'll be more bitter about that later.
> 
> 2\. If you can't tell, I really don't like Isak's father. His mom I feel for because not everything is in her control, but Isak's dad makes me very angry.
> 
> 3\. I want to be clear that Chris is not the bad guy here, he really does care a lot about Isak but he's not "that guy." He's not Even, there to be extra and romantic and nuzzle Isak's nose. Chris loves Isak in his own way, but not in the way Isak needs. Isak wanted to play it cool and have a FWB thing, but it's not him IMO. He's too soft, and spent too much time on his own.
> 
> 4\. I have plans to get Eva more into the action of this story for all the fellow Eva lovers out there. TBH, I've always thought she deserved to be more apart of season 3 considering her backstory with Isak.
> 
> 5\. Mostly, I can't wait to get Even here. I'm just gonna tell y'all: Chapter 15. Speaking of which, as of now this fic will be 23 chapters, but possibly more.


	14. Eva's Different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris doesn't get Isak, but Eva does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was an earlier chapter that was basically a love letter to Jonas, this chapter is basically a love letter to Eva.

Isak was having a difficult week to say the least.  He was getting constant texts from his parents ranging from “please come home, we love you.” to intense bible verses from his mom to “you’re being ungrateful and difficult.”  He was crammed into Jonas’s room and while he was thankful to be housed there, it was tight quarters.  All of this was made worse because he had to pretend that he wasn’t heart broken over what Chris did because Jonas had no idea about that.

 

There was one night that he almost told him.

 

“Isak, hey, so you missed it today-“  Jonas stopped short as he came into the room and saw Isak was wiping away tears.  Jonas sighed sadly at the sight and sat next to him.  “What’s wrong?  Your parents?”

 

He was sick of lying.  He was so tired and so hurt over this situation with Chris and Eva, who better to tell than his best friend?  The one person who’d stuck with him through everything.  The person who was letting him share a room so he didn’t have to face his family problems.  He loved Jonas and Jonas loved him.

 

That was why he couldn’t tell him.  He couldn’t take that risk.

 

“Yeah, my parents.”  Jonas had wrapped an arm around him and rubbed his arm slowly and firmly.  “It’s whatever, tell me what I missed today.”

 

He couldn’t stay with Jonas’ family forever, he knew that.  They didn’t have space for a new permanent family member and being in a house with a real family hurt him.  It brought back memories of his own, the good, and the bad; especially the good.  The old days when his parents took care of him, when his mother wasn’t so crazy, and his dad wasn’t so absent.  They had been a family once but he couldn’t see them getting that life back.  He needed a fresh start but he had no idea how to get one.

 

He eventually chose to reach out to Eskild.  He lived in a shared apartment and maybe he knew if anyone had a room or how to find a place.  Eskild offered to meet him for coffee to explain everything he’d need to know in person but Isak didn’t want coffee.  Isak wanted to go back to that gay bar.  He shouldn’t, but it was a nice way to be gay without being gay.  He could sit, observe, and get drunk without feeling pressure to find a girl to kiss.

 

Eskild agreed and they met at the same place.

 

“Promise me one thing, Isakyaki.”  Isak chuckled at the nickname.  “No getting so wasted that I have to call your sort of boyfriend to pick you up.”

 

“I won’t, you can’t call him anymore though.”  He shrugged, wanting to get out some of that frustration.  Eskild was the only one who knew about Chris, if he would speak to anyone, it would be now.

 

“Uh-oh, what happened?  First rounds on me.”  Eskild got the bartender’s attention and ordered for them.

 

“He hooked up with my friend, well she’s not my friend like she was, but she’s still my friend.”  He rambled.  “He was honest with me about it but I can’t-I knew he hooked up with other people but it’s different with her.  There’s a history.”

 

“I’m sorry.  Did you talk to your friend?”  

 

“No, she doesn’t know about me and-well, she sort of does but I don’t want to confirm it.”  He sighed, all these secrets and half-truths were making things harder than they needed to be.

 

“You might not be asking for it, but I’m going to give you some advice.”  Eskild placed a gentle hand on Isak’s shoulder.  “Talk to her.  It’s good to talk to me, but I’m not in the situation.  Your friend, and Chris, they are.  If you keep this bottled in because you’re afraid, it’ll get harder.”

 

“I guess…”  He knew Eskild was right but he and Eva hadn’t had a proper conversation since the last Chris incident.  Reaching out to her filled him with nerves and fear.

 

“As for Chris, you’ll find someone else.  It hurts, and it feels like it’ll never stop hurting, but it will.”  Eskild squeezed his shoulder and a smile tugged at Isak’s lips. 

 

“I hope so.”

 

“Oh Isakyaki, so young.”  Eskild teased and Isak huffed, rolling his eyes.  

 

“I’m 16.”  

 

“Oh, sorry Grandpa.”  Isak flipped him off and Eskild laughed; he loved this kid.  “Okay, so, you wanted to know how to get a place.  Do you have a job?”  Isak shook his head.  “Do you have money saved up?”  Isak shook his head.  “You need one of those things, buddy.”

 

“I can get a job, I guess.  My parents wouldn’t pay for my rent.”  

 

“Okay, so you’ll get a job and save up some money so you can get stuff for your room-“  Eskild went on and told Isak everything he’d need.  They had a good time, Eskild was funny and despite the age difference, he didn’t make Isak feel like a little kid.  It was nice to be around him.

 

The day Isak reached out to Eva and the day Chris reached out to him ended up being the same day.  He was waiting for Eva by his locker, when Chris approached him.

 

“Are you going to ignore me forever?” 

 

“Chris, just leave me alone.  I can’t do this now.”  He sighed, trying to leave but Chris stepped in front of him.  “What do you want from me?”

 

“You knew I hooked up with other people, why are you pissed?”  

 

“Eva’s different, you have to know that.”  Isak couldn’t believe how oblivious Chris was acting.  He almost wished he’d done it on purpose.  It would be easier to accept that Chris was an asshole than accept that Chris knew so little about him.  After all the time they'd spend alone, it hurt to think the older boy wouldn't realize what hurt him.

 

“It was just a Russ bus hookup, nothing important.”  The older boy shook his head and shrugged.

 

“That’s the problem, Chris.  It is important, and you don’t get that.” 

 

“You can’t even admit that you like-“

 

“I do like you, there I admitted it.”  Isak had nothing to lose with Chris at this point.

 

“Not me, boys.  You want me to commit to you or know what you want when you don’t know what you want.”  Chris didn’t understand how Isak could want so much from him but he was unable to offer honesty to himself.

 

“I don’t-I just like you, I’m not gay, we’ve talked about this.”

 

“No we haven’t talked about.  You shut it down and then we talk about something else.”

 

“Whatever.  Go hook up with Eva, or Iben, or whoever but you’re done doing it with me.”  Isak was sick of Chris trying to put a label on him.  If he couldn’t say it to himself, how could he say it to Chris?  

 

“It doesn’t have to be like this Isak.  We can go back to the way it was.”  Chris sighed, he really did like Isak.  They had fun together, and he didn’t want that to end.

 

“The way it was?  Us making out in secret, and you hooking up with anyone that moves.”

 

“You didn’t care until that anyone was Eva.  Why is Eva so different?”  Chris persisted, he did want to understand.  Isak thought he didn’t care or wasn’t trying, but he did and he was.

 

“Because she-“

 

“Isak, hey!”  They both turned to see Eva was there.  “Hey Chris, what are you doing here?”

 

“Nothing, I gotta go.”  Isak shook his head and smiled at her so she wouldn’t be suspicious.

 

“But, you texted me to talk and get coffee?”  She was VERY suspicious now.

 

“I know but I just got a text from my mom so I have to go, sorry.”  He fumbled over his words but still got away, taking a deep breath as he got out of the school.  He sat outside and texted Jonas, asking if he wanted to go kebab because he didn’t want to be alone.  While he waited, he thought about Chris’ question: why was Eva different? 

 

“Chris, what’s going on?”  Chris turned at the sound of Eva’s sweet and worried voice.

 

“What did you hear?’  He wouldn’t tell her anything new about him and Isak.  That wasn’t his to tell people, the younger boy was pissed enough, Chris wouldn’t out him.

 

“You told him we hooked up and he’s mad.”  She looked around like she was trying to find an answer in the room.  “Why would he get mad…oh my god.  Fuck.”  She covered her mouth with her hands as the realization dawned on her.

 

“Eva.”  He moved closer to her, desperately wanting her to be quiet.  “Eva, you can’t tell anyone.”  

 

“Oh god, I’m such an idiot.  No, no, you’re the idiot.  I didn’t know better!”  Eva pointed a finger at his chest and groaned.  “I just-I thought maybe there was something but I thought if there was, you’d stop me.”  


 

“Why would I stop you?  I like you, you’re hot.”  He sighed, why did all of this have to be so complicated?  

 

“Romantic, Chris.  You know our history with Isak, you had to have known it would upset him.”  She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.  He was so unaware of the pain he was causing that she didn’t even want to talk to him right now.  She wanted to find Isak and apologize.

 

“I hook up with other people all the time.”  

 

“I’m different, Chris!  Isak and I go way back and he liked Jonas and then you.  He’s going to hate me.”  She cried, feeling lower than the last time.  She’d taken this too far, she should’ve looked out for Isak and reached out to him, not messed around with Chris to get an answer.

 

“He won’t hate you, he’ll hate me.”  Chris shook his head, waving away her concerns.

 

“Don’t you care about that?”  Eva was stunned.  How could Chris care so little about Isak’s feelings.

 

“Of course I do, but he needs to hate me.”

 

“What?”  Chris sighed, ignoring the horror on Eva’s face.  His life was much less dramatic before all these first years entered his life.

 

“If he hates me, he’ll move on to someone who will love him.”  At first, Eva found this answer touching, and romantic.  She put her hand on Chris’ shoulder and was about to tell him so until it hit her so stupid it was.

 

“Or you could tell him you can’t commit and you think he deserves better.”  She pointed out and rolled her eyes.

 

“That would’ve made more sense.”  He muttered, lightly slapping his face.

 

“Boys are idiots.”  Eva shook her head and walked away, leaving Chris and beginning a search for Isak.  She found him outside, leaning against a wall, messing around on his phone.  “Isak, can we talk?”

 

“I’m waiting for Jonas.”  He muttered, not looking up from his phone.

 

“I’m sorry.”  He still didn’t look at her.  “I thought something might be going on with you and Chris and I thought it was like Gossip Girl or something.  It was stupid but I thought if I tried to make out with him, he’d stop me if he was with you.  It was wrong of me, I didn’t think.”

 

“Thanks Eva.  It’s not your fault Chris is a dick.”  He put his phone in his pocket and bit his lip to stop himself from crying.  Her reasoning was silly to him but he didn’t want to be mad at her anymore.  He’d hurt her, she’d hurt him, they were both upset, he didn’t want to keep being at war with her.

 

“Can we be friends again?”  She looked like she might cry, and Isak felt a few tears fall down his own face.  He couldn’t believe that there was someone here asking to be in his life, like it mattered to them.  He mattered to Eva, and that was filling the cracks Chris had put in his heart. “I think we could be better friends than we were before if we’re honest with each other this time.”

 

This was why Eva was different.  Isak was envious of her because she was beautifully flawed and embraced it.  They were once so similar: lonely, unsure of who they were, and scared.  He was still in that place, but she was far out of it.  She screwed up like everyone else but she wasn’t ashamed of it.  She’d broken up with Jonas to figure out who she was and did so happily, embracing every aspect of who she was.  Eva was different because she’d done what terrified him so much.  He no longer envied her though, as she offered him an olive branch to friendship, he was inspired by her.  She was giving him hope.

 

“Yeah, I think so too.”  He agreed, offering a gentle smile.  “Just tell me one thing, are you still going to hook up with Chris?”  

 

“Not anytime soon, but if I’m honest, I want to on a physical level.”  She knew it was wrong, he was a dick but he was also good in bed.  She was only human.    


 

“Don’t fall for him.”  He warned.  He couldn’t fault her for wanting to get laid but he didn’t want to see her and Chris fall in love.    


 

“I won’t.  You’d still be my friend if I kept hooking up with him?”  A good hook didn’t mean anything if it meant losing a good friend.

 

“Yeah because you came out here to apologize and make things right.  You care about me.”  It was a statement but he said it like a question.  So, Eva gave him a gentle smile, squeezing his hand to answer it.  Isak squeezed back and he took a shuddering breath to calm himself.  “It’s more than he’ll do.”

 

“He might.”  She offered, remembering the conversation with Chris.  Chris did care but, like William with Noora, he clearly thought hurting someone to protect them was a good idea.

 

“I won’t hold my breath.  You know, you could do better.  Jonas and Isabel broke up.”  Jonas and Eva were his best friends again, and this time he didn’t care if they dated.  They were the people who’d shown him the most love, and they deserved to be happy.  If they wanted to be happy together, he’d support them.

 

“That ship has sailed.”  She leaned in and hugged him tightly, face resting in his chest.  He ran a hand up and down her back.  He was still hurting, but Eva’s love for him meant more to him than her and Chris.

 

“Well, well, this is new…or old.”  Eva lifted her head and smiled at Jonas who was chuckling at the sight of their embrace.  

 

“Jealous?”  She teased and playfully kissed Isak on the cheek.  

 

“Isak, man, we agreed you wouldn’t go for Eva.”

 

“You two have an agreement about me?”  She gasped, shoving Isak away and he laughed.  It felt good to laugh right now.  “Clearly, you both need me in your lives again because you’re getting weird on your own.”

 

“We missed you so much Eva.”  Isak feigned dramatic tears and clutched her closer.  “Never leave us again.”  He begged playfully, refusing to let her go.

 

“Okay, okay, wow.”  She groaned but was laughing, looking from Isak to Jonas.  Jonas smiled back at her in amusement and relief.  It made him happy to see Isak like this; silly, and not carrying a weight on his shoulders.  If Eva helped him get there, he’d gladly hang out with her again.  Isak had been through enough, and if something made him smile, Jonas would do it.

 

Isak had two real friends who loved him and were putting him first, maybe things would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the start of this fic, Isak was so focused on his pain and what he didn't have and now I'm happy to write him realizing that, as hard as things are, he has a few people who adore him. Next chapter, he'll finally meet the one who will love him the most.
> 
> I hope Isak's explanation of why he had resented Eva made sense. I had it in my head and I struggled to put it into words. 
> 
> Also, it might not seem like it now, but Chris is going to get even more important to the story. His time as Isak's love interest is mostly over but his time as his friend is just getting started. I've had this scene between Chris and Emma planned ever since I came up with this concept that I can not wait for people to read it.
> 
> Let me know your thoughts! Next chapter is the final episode of season 2 so it's: everyone finding out they might have to testify about William, and the big rooftop party.


	15. No More Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak closes his heart, opens his heart, and closes it again.

William was being sentenced and Isak was one of the people called to testify.  He was put into a group chat to get a story together, and of course that put him back in Chris’ orbit.  They’re called to testify on the same day, right after each other.

 

“You have the story straight?”  Chris asked softly, not wanting to put pressure on Isak but he wasn’t going to let his best friend go to jail.

 

“Yeah, I got it.”  Isak replied, nodding curtly.  He had recited it many times now: for Eva, for Jonas, and for Noora.  He wanted all of this to be over.

 

“Good.”   They walked into the courthouse and sat next to each other, waiting.  “How have you been?”  

 

“I’m fine."  

 

“Heard you're staying with Jonas.”

 

“Yeah, I’m going to find a place to stay though.  Like how Noora lives on her own, I’m going to.”  Isak was proud to tell Chris that.  He felt mature, and it was obvious he was moving on, doing just fine without Chris.

 

“You have a job?”  Chris respected that, Isak was changing his bad situation.  He was impressed.

 

“I’m going to get one.”  Isak was a bit defensive with that statement.  He knew what he was doing, he could figure it out without the help of his ex-whatever.

 

“Good luck.”  Chris said genuinely, offering the younger boy a kind and unassuming smile.

 

“Thanks.”  Isak returned the polite gesture and looked away from Chris to the floor.  It was all very cordial and gracious between them.

 

They both hated it.  They hated how they used to be able to tease each other, speak openly, laugh, touch, and be close, they were strangers now.  Chris wanted to say he was sorry, that he’d pushed Isak away because he knew he couldn’t give him what he needs.  Isak wanted to say he missed Chris, and he’d like to try and be friends.  Neither said a word though, both would lie to themselves and say it wasn’t the right setting but it was because they were too scared.

 

William ended up confessing, and Isak couldn’t help but be a little annoyed.  He respected the honesty but everyone had worked so hard to protect him, and it was for nothing.  When Eva told him about the huge party at William’s apartment, he got over it.

 

He and Jonas got ready, Isak lending Jonas his belt, and Jonas lending Isak his jacket.  It was nice, they really were brothers.  They arrived at the party, greeted right away by Eva who took them to Eskild and Noora.  Isak and Eskild played it cool, pretending they’d never met before but it was nice.  It was nice to be among his friends, and know this school year was over.  The summer would be here and he could start fresh in second year.  He was going to avoid the drama of this year with one simple choice: no more guys.  His life had become infinitely more complicated when he’d fallen for Jonas and Chris.  He was going to be just like all the other guys and go back to liking girls.  It would be easy…right?

 

He did all he could to avoid Chris, wanting to have a fun and drama free night but apparently that was too much to ask.  He was walking through William’s apartment trying to find a bathroom when he ran into Chris with some tall leggy blonde.  

 

“Isak, hey.”  Chris greeted, a little tipsy so he had no idea how uncomfortable this was.  “Hey, uh, babe, can you give me and my friend here a moment?”  The girl nodded, kissing his cheek and giving Isak a sweet wave as she left.

 

“I’m going to the bathroom.”  


 

“Isak.”  Chris whined.  “I miss you, talk to me.”  He knew he sounded desperate but he felt relaxed from alcohol, weed, and a recent orgasm.  He had no inhibitions.

 

“Chris, I can’t, not out here where anyone could-“  Chris took his hand and dragged him into the bathroom.  

 

“There, now, no one can interrupt.”  


 

“People are gonna think we’re doing something in here.”  Isak flushed, not liking that idea at all.  That wouldn’t help with his whole “don’t be gay” plan.  Why couldn’t Chris just let this die?  


 

“I’ll tell them you were taking care of me because I got too drunk, okay?  No one will think I took your precious virginity.”  Isak bit his lip so he wouldn’t smile but Chris caught him.  “Made you smile.”

 

“What do you want?”  Isak was still smiling despite how exasperated he was with the older boy.  He wanted to get away from Chris, but Chris wanted to keep Isak right by his side.  It was tempting but he wouldn’t fall for it.

 

“I just miss you.  I miss talking to you, I miss kissing you, I miss beating you at FIFA-“

 

“You never beat me.”  Chris smirked and Isak smiled, it felt like old times.  It was easy to fall back into their banter and closeness.  “I miss you too but I can’t go back Chris.  I’m not, I’m not going that anymore.”  


 

“Do what?  Play FIFA?”  Chris teased, laughing at his own joke.

 

“Kiss boys, like boys, I’m not doing that.”  


 

“Isak, life doesn’t work like that.”  Isak huffed, why couldn’t it?  Why was Chris always telling him how to live his life?  “Look, maybe you’re bi.  Maybe you like both, it doesn’t have to be this hard.”  Truthfully, Chris didn’t think Isak liked girls at all but he mostly didn’t want the younger boy to force himself to be what he wasn’t.  If he could calm his nerves by offering an alternative, healthier concept, he would.  At least that way, Isak wouldn’t be shutting down a part of who he is all the way.

 

“Is that what you are?” 

 

“Yeah.”  Chris said easily, because to him it was.  He had been with more girls but Isak was not the first boy he’d been with.  He liked kissing, he liked sex, and he liked everything in between, that was it.  

 

“I thought I was the only boy.”  Isak whispered, looking down.  He hated himself for being so naïve again, for believing he’d been something special and different.

 

“Isak, come on.  So what if you weren’t?  That doesn’t mean you’re nothing to me.”  Chris took the younger boy’s hands, but Isak didn’t look up.  “You have this idea that if you’re not the only person in someone’s life, that you don’t matter to them, and it’s not true.  You have Eva, and Jonas, and they have other people but they still love you.  You have me, if you want, and I care about you even if I hook up with other people and have other friends.”  


 

“I just-I want to be first to someone.  Like, their first priority.”

 

“Because your parents should be doing that and they aren’t?”  Isak’s eyes snapped up and he dropped Chris’ hands.  

 

“That’s none of your business.”  He snapped.

 

“It isn’t?”  Chris stared back incredulously.  “So, the time I picked you up wasted, and you cried about how your mom was crazy and your dad didn’t take care of you, I’m supposed to forget that?  I’m supposed to ignore that you’re crying out for attention and affection?”

 

“No, but it’s not your business anymore because we’re nothing now.”  It baffled Isak that Chris could see through Isak about this but he didn’t have the sense to realize that hooking up with Eva would upset him.

 

“Why do we have to be nothing?  Look, I can’t be the guy who puts you as my number one but we can be friends.  One day, you’ll find that someone who does love you and puts you first.  I won’t be that someone, but I can be a someone.”  Chris felt this was the ideal compromise.  They get to stay in each other’s lives, but both get to fill their needs.

 

“What about to Eva?  What will you be to her?”  

 

“If it helps, I won’t be that someone for either but she doesn’t want me to be.  You did.”  There was a beat after that, and Isak decided to give Chris one last piece of his heart.  One last moment where he’d let Chris, let anyone, see what was really in his heart.

 

“I did.”  Isak confirmed, willing himself to not cry.  Chris sighed, reaching out to put his hands on the younger boy’s face but Isak shook his head, pushing him away.  “Please, just go, I really have to go to the bathroom.”

 

“You deserve that.  Someone who puts you first, I’m sorry it’s not me.”  Chris said before leaving and Isak broke once the door was shut.  He sat on the floor and cried, he cried for his relationship with Chris, his failed crush on Jonas, his mother, his father, and this whole awful year.  He cried until he was exhausted and his phone buzzing with “where are you??” texts from his friends was too much to ignore.

 

Isak finally got out, texting Jonas that he was going home because he didn’t feel well.  As he was leaving, he heard people complaining about “some assholes from Bakka” who crashed.  He didn’t think much of it, just wanting to get out but he did shoot Jonas another text to break the tension, warning him about the “pretentious nerds from Bakka” he’d meet.

 

“Even, just go, okay?  Call Sonja, she’ll take care of you.  She’d be pissed if we let you stay.”  Isak saw two guys arguing outside.  One with shoulder length wavy hair, and the other was…he was beautiful.  There was no other word for how Isak saw him, and he couldn’t help but stare.  He was tall, and lanky with slicked back and quaffed blonde hair, and gorgeous blue eyes.  He looked sad, the way Isak knew he must have looked in the bathroom with Chris.  

 

“I’m fine, I don’t need anyone to take care of me.  It’s just a party, and she’s not my mom.”  Isak knew it was wrong to listen to he teared his eyes away and went to leave.  He heard some more bickering between the two boys and then someone walking in his direction.  He turned and it was, of course, the most beautiful human he’d ever laid eyes on.  Why couldn’t the universe just fall in line with his plan to not like boys?

 

“You okay?”  He asked and the taller boy looked at him.  He mentally kicked himself because who asks a total stranger if they’re okay?

 

“Yeah, just my friends being assholes.  You okay?”  Apparently this guy also never got the memo about talking to strangers about your feelings.

 

“Yeah, I don’t really want to talk about it.”

 

“Okay, we can talk about my thing then.”  He grinned and, god, Isak’s stomach was filled with butterflies.  He needed to get away from this boy, but he also couldn’t tear himself away.

 

“Okay.”

 

“My friends think because of some dumb stuff I did on Facebook last month, I shouldn’t be at parties like they are.”  He began and Isak listened intently, grateful to hear about something other than Chris, and William, and the Penetrators.  “You ever feel like people are trying to tell you how you feel?”

 

“Yeah, sometimes.”  Isak thought back to Chris constantly saying he was gay or how life worked.  Chris wasn’t him, he can’t make those calls.  Only he should be able to make them.

 

“It really makes me angry.  I don’t want to feel controlled.”  Isak nodded, it made sense to him.  “So now, I have to leave the party they all decided to crash.  Apparently the guy hosting it is going to jail, so it’s supposed to be a huge rager.  Everyone is talking about it.”

 

“He probably won’t go to jail.”  Isak shook his head.  “I sort of know him, and his family has money.  He’ll be fine.”

 

“Lucky him.  I’m Even by the way.”  He stuck out his hand and Isak shook it, trying to ignore how good it felt to touch his skin.

 

“Isak.”  

 

“Isak.”  Even repeated like it was a catchy song lyric, Isak hoped he didn’t see how he blushed.  Even did, but he was kind enough to not make a big deal about it.  “Why did you leave the party so early?”

 

“Just drama.”  Even got the memo that Isak still didn’t want to talk and racked his mind for a new topic.

 

“Want to get ice cream?”  Isak stalled, he really shouldn’t be spending time with this guy,  He had an instant crush on him, and he barely knew him, he couldn’t go through this again.  He didn’t even know if Even liked guys, he could have a girlfriend.  If he got attached, he’d just get hurt.  Then again, ice cream on a nice day with a nice guy was a lot better than going to Jonas’ and sitting alone in his room.

 

“Sure.”  Even smiled and Isak’s heart began pounding.  His smile took up his whole face, it wasn’t mischievous like Chris’ or goofy like Jonas’, it was radiant.  It was like Even was the personification of the sun.

 

Twenty minutes passed, and they were sitting outside and it was like Isak hadn’t been crying at a party earlier.  Even was nice, and funny, and Isak couldn’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want him at a party.

 

“Okay, okay, enough about me.  Tell me something about you.”  Even had told Isak stories and jokes and he was soaking it up.  He didn’t want to talk about himself, he just wanted to learn more about Even.

 

“Fine.  You wanna know why I left that party?”  He offered, why not tell him?  This was a stranger, a beautiful stranger but still, he had nothing to lose.

 

“If you want to tell me.”  Even wasn’t going to ask anything of Isak that he wasn’t willing to give.

 

“I was seeing this, uh, this-“  As he struggled with what to call Chris, Even’s phone went off.    


 

“Sorry, one second.”  He gave Isak an apologetic look and groaned as he saw who was calling him.  “Yeah?  No, I didn’t go.  Yeah, I didn’t call you because I didn’t go to the party, they told me to leave.  I’m just getting ice cream-no I’m-okay.  But I-I know that but-fine, yeah, I’ll come home.”

 

“Your mom?”  Isak asked curiously.

 

“Yeah.  I’m sorry, I gotta go.  It was nice meeting you Isak.”  Even would regret his next move for the next few months because not only did he walk away from the most beautiful human he’d ever seen, but he didn’t get his number.  He was so irritated and in his own mess, that he missed the most obvious way to see this boy again.  He also lied to him, it wasn’t his mom, but he couldn’t tell him who it really was.

 

Isak was half dejected and half relieved that Even left without exchanging numbers or even last names.  This is why he couldn’t fall for a guy, it always ended in him being alone and disappointed.  With Sara, it just ended, no pain, it was just over.  It would be easier for him if he just went for girls.  He threw out the rest of his cone and began his walk back to Jonas’ when his phone vibrated in his pocket.

 

_Isak!  Still looking for a place to live?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's Even. I'm so hype to get into the masterpiece that is season 3. 
> 
> I actually don't have that many notes for this chapter other than the "breakup" between Isak and Chris was one of the first scenes I came up with so I'm really proud of how it grew with the story.
> 
> Let me know your thoughts!


	16. Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak's summer before second year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little interlude to set up the next part of the story.

The summer was eventful for Isak.

 

He moved everything into Noora’s old room, and he got a job: a part-time job at a Kaffebrenneriet by Nissen.  It didn’t bring in much but it was enough, and surprisingly, his dad offered to help.  He finally returned his calls and got a surprisingly kind reaction to his moving to a shared apartment.

 

“I’m going to find some help for your mother, I really am Isak and I can’t give you much but I’ll give you half of your rent every month.”  Isak stared at him suspiciously, there had to be a catch.  “You were right, I was being selfish.  She’s my wife, you’re my son.”

 

“Thanks dad.”  It was still awkward between them but it was more than they’d had.

 

As for his mother, he stayed away.  He’s experienced too much with her to trust the situation.  For too long, he’d taken care of her and been the adult in the situation.  It scarred him from having a relationship with her until he could be sure she was in a good place.  He'd ask his father for updates but the regular intense bible passages told him that not much was changing.  The only thing he knew his father was doing was bringing a caretaker over to keep her alive, which was too little for what was going on with her.  He didn’t stress over it though, it wasn’t his problem anymore.

 

He spent most of the summer with his roommates, Eva, or Jonas.  They were there for him through the move, his reunion with his father, and supported him about his mother.  He returned the favour too.  If Jonas had a fight with his dad, or Eva was upset about her mom not being around, he was there for them.  When Eskild wanted to whine about some guy who wasn’t calling back, or Linn wanted to stay in bed all day, he supported them.

 

He didn’t talk to Chris that much.  Sometimes they liked each other’s social media posts, sometimes they see each other at parties, and once or twice they text each other.  Isak was the reason for the separation, Chris tried to reach out a lot at the start of the summer but the younger boy didn’t want to fall back in.  To move on for good, he needed space.

 

Eva and Chris hooked up from time to time and he accepted it.  Eva didn’t keep it a secret but she didn’t tell him much; it was all he could ask for.  She even offered, multiple times, to stop if it really hurt him badly.  He didn’t ask her to do that though, it wouldn’t be fair.  He wasn’t going to get back together with Chris, and Eva liked him, he wouldn’t ask her to be unhappy because he was.

 

The only thing that he didn’t have a grasp on was Even.  He knew it was weird to spend any amount of time thinking about a guy you spent half an hour with but it felt like more.  He felt an instant connection, and a comfort in his presence.  For Isak, who so desperately craved connection and affection, that wasn’t something he could shake off.  He didn’t want to like Even, or think about Even, but it was proving impossible.  The thought that he may never see him again only made him like Even more.  It was a wonderful fantasy he didn’t have to let go of.

 

Still, he had found his groove right as the school year was starting.  He had a solid group of friends, an apartment, a job, an understanding with his dad, and while he still had no contact with his mom but that’s what he needed.  Like with Chris, he needed the distance to figure out what he needed in the relationship.

 

Speaking of Chris, he finally did have a proper meeting with him at Eva’s end of summer party.  He had been cornered by Vilde who was asking about his social standing for the coming year.

 

“I’m just saying Isak, you need to assert yourself socially or you could risk becoming-"

 

“Hey Vilde, Eva’s looking for you.”  Chris cut in, knowing how much Isak hated conversations like this.  He didn’t care about his social standing, he just wanted to make it out of high school without having any more pain.  Vilde cheerfully went off to find her friend and Isak gave Chris a grateful smile.

 

“Having fun?”  Isak asked genuinely.

 

“Yeah, you?”

 

“Yeah, because I’m a high school student at a high school party not an adult hanging around teenagers.”  Chris rolled his eyes and laughed.  He loved Isak being a little mean to him, it meant things were back to normal.

 

“You got me.”  He replied playfully.  “But if I don’t go to these parties, how will I ever get you to talk to me?”

 

“Guess I’ll just have to respond to your texts so you don’t look like a huge loser.”  Isak let out a loud sigh but was grinning.  He could do this with Chris, be playful and move on from their drama.

 

“Would you?  Thanks Isak.  I’ll see you around.”  Chris shot him a wink and Isak shook his head but was still smiling.  After all they’d been through, it would be a waste to not have any contact and try o be friends.  

 

 

When he finally headed out, he swore he saw Even in the kitchen but he shook it off.  Even went to Bakka, maybe he even graduated, he’d never see him again.  If he could move on from Chris, he could move on from Even.  He would start his second year of high school, and he wouldn’t let any boy suck him in, that was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we dig right into season 3. There will be ten chapters (one for each episode) and they'll be longer than the past because, obviously, there's so much more of Isak to write and then I have to add in all the stuff with Chris and Eva that didn't happen in canon. 
> 
> Let me know what you think and what you're excited about for the next section! :)


	17. Kosegrouppa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak smokes weed in bathtubs, kisses girls he doesn't like, and re-meets Even

Isak had his second year down.  He went to parties most weekends with Jonas or Eva, even forming friendships with her friends.  Sure, (girl) Chris sometimes hit on him but she also proclaimed that he was old news a few weeks ago so he didn’t think much of it.  Sana was cool, a little intense and she mostly ignored him in favour of the girls, but cool nonetheless.  Vilde was overly eager and intense, but sweet in a way that it was hard to hate her for being such a chatterbox.

 

He managed to pull a girl at most of the parties and he didn’t hate it.  He’d kiss them in front of the guys and everyone thought he was the man, it was a great experience to be that guy.  The guy that can get any girl and make his friends jealous of his charm.  What he didn’t like was when the guys left, and they were alone.  He didn’t want them to go down on him, or try to do anything more than just kiss.  He knew he should want that but every time a girl tried, he got nervous and laughed awkwardly.  He would tell them that he didn’t want them to feel pressured which they’d find sweet and go.  Some would still persist, but he always got away.  He was starting to get worried about how long he could keep it up until word got out that he never actually got far with them.  

 

He was currently at a big party at Eva’s, crammed into a bathtub with Jonas, and two guys they’d be hanging with at parties lately: Magnus and Mahdi.  Magnus reminded him of Vilde, talked too much, and overly eager, but sweet.  Mahdi was chill, and he had a dealer, so they didn’t have to rely on Ingrid’s brother, Elias, or Chris.

 

Jonas and Mahdi were talking about the hot first years who’d crashed the party and Isak was trying to keep up.  He could fake it with second year girls, he knew them all to an extent so there was an established relationship.  He knew a bit about each of them, he had time to come up with what he found attractive.  First years, he’d have to put in more effort and establish himself, it seemed like too much work.  He was starting to get tired of all the lying, and he was wondering which was harder: telling the truth and taking a risk or keeping up with the lie.

 

“What’s happened to you guys, getting such low standards.”  He tossed out, teasing the boys.  Isak knew his role as the cool guy who can get any girl would have to have high standards.  Sometimes he worried that he was becoming like Chris, or the aspects of Chris he didn’t like.

 

“You talking about standards yet you should be a lot less picky considering how ugly you are.”  Mahdi shot back and Isak furrowed his brow, scoffing.  “Is there not one hot girl?”  The boys kept talking and Isak thought, there had to be one first year he could go for.  There was one, she was very pretty with short dark hair and wide brown eyes, he could go for her.  He filled the boys in, and thankfully they agreed with him.

 

“The one that looks like Natalie Portman, right?”  Jonas asked and Isak enthusiastically confirmed.  Natalie Portman, anyone regardless of sexuality had to admit she was beautiful.

 

“That’s my girl.”  Isak nodded, now thinking of a plan to actually get that girl.  If he saw her at a party, the boys would remember, he had to be ready.

 

“You don’t stand a chance, man.  Not in this lifetime or the next one.”  Jonas shook his head and Isak protested.  “You don’t-her last boyfriend, or the last guy she was fooling around with was a model, who was just about to turn 20.  He was tall, dark, and you’re none of those things.”

 

“Why should I care about that?”  Isak shot back, rolling his eyes.

 

“Because then you’ll know her standards.”  Isak continued to argue until Mahdi and Jonas began changed the topic to who would hide their stash.  Eventually, it was settled that Isak would take it.  He was the only one of the four who lived without parents, it’s not like Eskild or Linn would find it and get angry with him.  

 

They were interrupted by a girl who needed to pee so badly she had to do it in front of them, and…oh god, the girl Isak told everyone he was into.  Jonas and Magnus began nudging him, and urging him to make a move so he had no choice.  If he didn’t act, they’d roast him the rest of the night.  She was searching for pills in Eva’s drawers, and he tried a weak “hey” that got no response.  

 

“Good luck, Isak.”  Magnus whispered, laughing at him.  Isak decided then to try a different tactic, one he probably shouldn’t, but he knew it would at least get her to look at him.  He was going to be mean to her.

 

“Do you know who you look like?”  She looked over and nodded.  “The little boy from Stranger Things.”  The boys began laughing, no one fully understanding his plan but they were all so high, it didn’t matter.  “You know, the little boy who’s actually a girl.”

 

“That is so damn rude.”  The girl, and her friend looked pissed.  

 

“No?  She’s cute, if you’re turned on by 13 year old boys.”  He persisted as the boys kept laughing.  

 

“What?”  She looked genuinely upset now, so Isak decided to ease up.  He had her attention, he could go forward.

 

“I’m just kidding with you.  Seriously, I was just kidding.  I’m sorry.”  She was still looking at him, and Isak decided to officially make his move.  “My name’s Isak, what’s yours?”

 

“Emma.”

 

“Emma.  You’re damn beautiful.”

 

“We’re leaving.”  Her friend urged, walking out but Emma kept her eyes on Isak’s.

 

“Do you know if these work?”  She gestured to the pills in her hands, and Isak got himself out of the bathtub

 

“Zyrtec?  These are for allergies, they make you tired.  Do you want something that’ll actually work?”

 

“Do you have anything?”  

 

Isak went into his “cool guy” mode and nodded, pulling an anti-inflammatory out of his pocket.  He stuck it on his tongue and stared her down, waiting for her to take the bait…she did.  She eagerly kissed it out of his mouth, ignoring as her friend left.  Isak kept it going until all the boys were gone.  Once his audience left, he wanted her to go too but she kept going, kissing down his chest which led to his usual awkward laughing.  She laughed too, thinking he was just being cute, and went back to it.

 

“Yeah…”  He muttered as he moved away.  He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t have this first year he just met go down on him in Eva’s bathroom.  He couldn’t meet her eyes, but he could see she was hurt and confused.  Thankfully, he didn’t have to explain himself as her friend came bursting in to get her.  He stayed in the bathroom alone for a while, wishing he could just be like the others and enjoy the girls.  If that had been Jonas, he gladly would’ve let Emma do what she wanted but here Isak was, getting what they all desired, and he had no interest. 

 

Once he got downstairs, the cops had busted the place and he had to act fast.  He had a huge bag of weed on him and he was not going to risk going home with it when their were police around.  He discreetly stuffed it into a vase and made his way out.  He snuck outside, thankfully he knew Eva’s house well so he could get away without directly facing police.  That was, until he was corned by one, thwarting his plan to hop on Jonas’ bike.  The second she looked away, he was gone.

 

Monday came around and he was sitting with the boys as Magnus told them…well Isak doesn’t remember because there was Even.  He heard Vilde’s voice first, chattering on and then he heard a laugh that made him look up.  It was Even, sitting with legs up on a table, listening to her like he actually cared.  Isak kept staring, as if Even would disappear if he looked away because no way did Even go to his school now.  Even caught him and looked back, his legs nearly slipping off the table but putting his focus back on Vilde to play it cool.

 

Isak looked down, completely unsure of what he should do.  Should he try to talk to him?  Ignore him?  Wait and see if Even would seek him out?  He was snapped out of his thoughts in a text from his dad informing him he’d transferred his share of the rent to his account.  He tried to listen to Jonas’ story about the girl with no clitorous but it was no good.  One, because he didn’t care about vaginas and two, because he couldn’t shake Even.   

 

Thankfully, Vilde, and Sana interrupted them.

 

“Have you guys thought about joining the revue this year?”  Vilde asked.  All four boys hesitated, looking to each other to decide how to answer.

 

“I don’t really know.”  Jonas said on behalf of the group.  

 

“We are the leaders of the Kosegrouppa and we want you guys to join.”  

 

“The kose-group?  What is it the kose-group does then?”  Mahdi asked, trying not to laugh.

 

“We make sure that there is kos and a good atmosphere.  We spread love, make buns, we cook.”  It was clear that this was Vilde’s thing and Sana was along for the ride.  Isak did find it sweet how the girls stuck together and committed to what the others enjoyed.  “We have a group meeting next Friday, maybe you’d all like to join?”  The boys all gave noncommittal answers and she was not happy.  She began one of her rants about social standing and being anonymous and Isak was very grateful to see Eva appear behind Vilde.

 

“Eva, I forgot my sweater at your place.”  He told her, trying to cover up what he’d really left.

 

“Oh yeah?  I’ll look for it.”  She replied, making a move to leave.

 

“No, I have to come get it.  I know what it looks like.”  Everyone was looking at him like he was out of it except Sana.  Sana looked upset with him, like she knew what he’d really done but that was impossible.  No one saw him hide the stash, he was just being paranoid.

 

“You can but can’t you just describe it?”  Isak wished he’d just asked Eva to hang out at her place or something, that way this wouldn’t be happening to him.

 

“It’s black.”  He came up with, lamely. 

 

“Okay…”  She chuckled fondly, nodding.  “A black, mens sweater.  Got it.  I promise Isak, I’ll let you know if I find it.”  She walked off with her phone, Sana and Vilde following her with one last reminder about the group.  Sana gave Isak a tight-lipped smile and he looked back in confusion.  What could Sana have over him?

 

He found out the next day when she sat by him in biology.  

 

“I’ve got your drugs.”  She whispered and he was taken aback.  How could Sana have Mahdi’s stash?  He’d hidden it so well!  “The stuff you left at Eva’s place, I have it.”

 

“You have it?”  

 

“If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s when someone fucks their friends over.”  Okay, she was mad at him.

 

“What do you mean?”  He hadn’t done anything to Eva, he’d just hidden drugs there.

 

“Eva coud’ve gotten in a lot of trouble if they’d found it.”  He hadn’t thought of that.

 

“She could’ve, but they didn’t find it.”  He knew she was right but he didn’t feel like fighting her in biology.

 

“They didn’t find it, because I took it.”  She snapped, frustrated at him.  She knew he was Eva’s close friend again, how could he be so careless?

 

“Okay, I’m sorry for leaving it there and thank you for taking it.  I need it, it’s not even mine.”  

 

“I should get a reward for saving it from the police.”  She smirked.

 

“Do you think this is a fucking Narcos episode or something?  Can’t you just give it to me?”  Why was she making this so damn hard on him?

 

“I want ten percent of the drugs.”  


 

“Do you even smoke?”  Isak didn’t know much about Sana’s culture and religion but he was pretty sure she didn’t smoke because of her devoutness.  From what he knew, Sana went to parties to be with the girls but didn’t partake in drinking, smoking, or hooking up.  It made no different to him if she did or not, but why would she want his drugs?

 

“No, but it’s good to have some.”  He was trying to wrap his head around that logic when she dropped another condition on him.  ‘And I want you and your friends to join the kosegrouppa  The best revue group of them all!”

 

“Okay, whatever.  We can join the Kosegrouppa.  Now, just give it to me.”

 

“Do you think I’m stupid?”  She rolled her eyes and got all scary on him again.  “You’ll get it when I see you and your friends at the meeting.”  She was pleased with herself, and he hated it.  They were both taken out of their intent monologues when it was announced they were now biology partners.  Great, today was going wonderfully for Isak.

 

Isak begged the other boys to go with him to the Kosegrouppa meeting but of course, they ditched him.  He glanced over at Vilde, Sana, and Eva and Even was with them because the universe will not leave him alone.

 

“Hey, can you not look like you’re dying?  Vilde worked really hard to make this fun.”  Eva warned, sitting on the steps next to him, and he sighed.  “I know it’s not your thing, thank you for coming.”

 

“I’m just here because-“  He quickly remembered Eva doesn’t know why and came up with an excuse.  And, Emma was here, wonderful.  “Emma, the girl I have a thing for, is here.”

 

“Oh, she’s pretty.”  Eva was supportive but suspicious.  She wasn’t going to push her friend, but it made her sad that he was closing himself off.  She’d tried to get him to open up about Chris and Jonas, but he wouldn’t go for it.  All she could do was watch and make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.  “Good luck.  Oh, and I couldn’t find your sweater, sorry.”

 

“It’s chill, it was at Jonas’.”  Eva went up on stage to rejoin her girls and he stayed glued to his seat.  As she left, Even sat behind him but said nothing.  Maybe he didn’t remember him, it was only a half hour of their lives nearly four months ago.  

 

“Hey!”  He looked up and there was Emma.  He caught Eva’s eye over her shoulder and she was grinning excitedly at him.  He tried to return it and then tried to keep making small talk with Emma.  He didn’t want to be rude to her but he wasn’t interested and knowing Even was right behind him was making it worse.  He didn’t want Even to think he liked her.

 

Vilde did her intro about the group, and then told everyone to stand for the “love exercise”: he was done.  He didn’t know what that would involve but the name alone sounded awful.  He snuck off to the bathroom, deciding to hang there until the end.  He started playing a game on his phone until he ran out of lives and figured he should face the group.  He walked out and there was, of course, Even.  Isak said nothing, silently washing his hand as he admired him.  He was as beautiful as the last time they’d been this close, hair slicked back with a joint behind his ear and occasionally he saw the taller boy looking back.  Even then proceeded to do take all the paper towels out of the dispenser, even using one to wipe off his face.

 

“What the hell?”  Isak questioned, hands wet and heart pounding.

 

“Oh, sorry Isak, did you also need tissues?”  Isak just stared back at him incredulously but there was a twinkle of joy in his eyes; Even remembered his name.  Even grabbed the driest one and handed it to him.  He started walking off, taking the joint in his hand and smirking at the younger boy.  “Come outside.”  

 

Isak didn’t need to be told twice, he followed behind Even.  At the very least, he’d get high out of the deal.  He found Even outside, sitting on top of a bench, smiling up at Isak when he joined.  He gratefully took the joint from the older boy, taking a drag and trying not to cough.  He tried not to look at Even, who was trying to start-up a conversation.

 

“So, good summer?”  Isak chuckled, finally looking at Even who smiled cheerily at him.  The tension was seemingly broken as they two locked eyes.  Isak couldn’t deny that he still felt that closeness to Even despite knowing nothing about him besides his name and that he did something bad on Facebook once.  “Do you know the group leader lady?”

 

“Vilde?  With the love exercise?”  He chuckled.

 

“What was that?”  Even asked, laughing at how ridiculous it had been.  To be fair, all they’d done is go up to every person in the room to share something they liked about them.  For Even, the issue was he didn’t know many of them so he’d excused himself to the bathroom.

 

“I had to leave, I just couldn’t deal with that stuff.  What happened?”

 

“She made us walk around and feel each other up, in a dark room.”  Isak looked down in shock, that didn’t sound like Vilde.  “And if you touched a dick, you had to suck it.”  That **definitley**  didn’t sound like Vilde, or something Sana and Eva would let her do.  

 

“No.”  Isak began laughing, realizing Even was screwing with him.  Even knocked his shoulder into the younger boy’s, taking the joint for himself.  There was silence again.  Even wanted to say he was sorry for not getting Isak’s number but he didn’t want to be weird.  Isak wanted to say he had a huge crush on Even but he didn’t want to be weird or gay.  “What class are you in?”

 

“3STB.”

 

“So, you transferred in your final year?”  Even nodded, exhaling a large puff of smoke.

 

“This is where you are!”  They both looked up to see Emma.  Even was, annoyed to say the least.  He’d been trying to find a way to approach Isak since school had started and he finally had him alone, and this girl shows up.  He gave her a polite hello, hoping she was nothing but a friend to Isak.

 

“We’re in the process of grouping up and we’ll have to be in pairs.  I don’t really know a lot of people except Maria but she’s with Lea.  So, I was wondering if you wanted to pair up with me?”  Isak did not want that to happen, and Even was not going to let that happen.

 

“I thought we were in a group together?”  He knocked his shoulder into Isak’s again, hoping he wasn’t being too pushy.

 

“Yeah.”  Isak let out a small laugh, relieved.  As much as he was scared of what he felt for Even, he’d rather be nervous with him than uncomfortable around Emma.  “I kind of agreed to be in a group with Even.”  Even reached out to shake Emma’s hand, she did so but she looked upset. 

 

“I’m sure we could be three.”  She suggested.  Even couldn’t fault her for wanting Isak, he did too, but he just wanted her to go away.

 

“I think she said we had to be pairs but I don’t care.”  He couldn’t be obvious though, nor did he want to be mean to a girl he’d never met.

 

“Yeah it did seem like Vilde was clear on it having to be pairs.”  Oh no, Emma was pissed.  “But, Jesus Christ, we could just ask.”

 

“Yeah, okay, we’ll do that then.”  Emma was satisfied and she sat next to Isak, unintentionally pushing him closer to Even.  The three sat there, sharing the joint until it ran out.  All three excusing themselves home.

 

Isak spent his walk home thinking about the place he was in.  In a group with two people, both of whom he did not want to like but for very different reasons.  Emma: he wasn’t interested, and she gave off psycho vibes if he was honest.  Even: he was a boy and he did not want to like boys.  He did though, he could lie to everyone else but he had to be honest with himself and say he’d only ever felt anything for guys.  Jonas, Chris, and now Even, not Sara and Emma.  He had no idea how to deal with this going forward, for now he’d go to sleep and hope to be different in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I mostly stuck to canon with this chapter so I'm sorry if it felt like a rehash of watching 3x01. The other chapters will be different than the episodes they're based on since Isak and Even did already meet, Eva is more involved, and Chris will be back soon. I felt to start off this era of the story, it worked best to keep it like the first episode of season 3  
> 2\. I can't believe I wrote "because he didn't care about vaginas." I hope you all find it funny too, if you don't I'm sorry.  
> 3\. I can't wait to get to episode 5 here, I feel like I've brought this up before but I am psyched to get there so I'm gonna keep hyping it up.  
> 4\. Let me know what you think :)


	18. We Used to Be Better at This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even get close again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay! I moved and my apartment doesn't have wifi (still doesn't :( ), I went to Starbucks today just to catch up on stuff like this. The good thing is I wrote this chapter and two others so if I don't have Wifi by Saturday, I'll come back to Starbucks and post the next one.

Isak had been doing a lot of thinking about his situation.He’d spent the last year struggling with how much he feels, and if he wants to feel that much.When he falls for boys, that’s when he feels the most and when he gets hurt.It’s hard, and he wants to avoid the pain but the lying and the faking is becoming exhausting.He doesn’t get hurt with girls, he doesn’t feel a thing except guilt for lying to everyone. 

 

He’s so on guard for the smallest slight to his image that he finds himself always on alert.Eskild asked him if he thought a guy was handsome, and his stress level went off the charts for such a simple question.He was getting tired, but coming out to his friends terrified him.He wasn’t gay like Eskild, he just liked boys; the label is what scared him the most.He was pretty confident that Jonas, Eva, and the others weren’t homophobic but he didn’t want to be treated differently.He didn’t want to become the girl’s “favourite gay” the way Vilde referred to Eskild as.He didn’t want the guys to start thinking they couldn’t talk the same way around him.He didn’t want anything to change.

 

Well…he did want one change.We wanted Even in his life.He’d nearly been caught by Sana lurking him on Facebook, the only place he could find Even online.He’d never met someone his age with no online presence at all, it only made him want to know the older boy more.There was one sure way to do so: Kosegrouppa.He didn’t want to be in a revue group but he wanted to be close to Even, even if Emma was latched on to it, he’d still be in the older’s boy life.So, he went right to the woman in charge: Vilde.

 

“Vilde?”He called from behind her in the quad. 

 

“Hi!”Vilde was always so cheerful and open, it was overwhelming for someone like Isak who was often grumpy and closed.Vilde was either incapable of faking who she was, or didn’t care what anyone thought.He envied that.

 

“I was just thinking, are there going to be any more Kosegrouppa meetings?”

 

“How incredibly nice that you’re engaging!”She was delighted.Ever since she’d met Isak in first year, she’d wanted to get to know him better.He was so quiet, hiding behind Jonas or Eva, but she wanted to know him.“We won’t be having any more group meetings this week but next week, there’s a revue party.We’ll be having a group pregame, perhaps you could host!”

 

“Why?”He didn’t want to host a pregame.He wanted to attend one, but not be in charge.

 

“My mom’s hosting a Wine Tasting Party, Eva’s house got trashed last time, Sana’s parents are Muslim but you can host!”

 

“Maybe..”He wanted the pregame to happen and it seemed this was the only way.

 

“What’s up?”He turned to see Jonas, Mahdi, and Magnus and his face fell knowing Vilde would tell them exactly what was up.

 

“Isak will be hosting a group pregame before the revue party next Friday!Maybe you guys could join us!”

 

“You’re hosting?”Jonas asked, the boys all laughing at the idea.

 

“Why are you all laughing?Do you think the revue is stupid?”And she was off on one of her big speeches on the revue, social status, and Isak was starting to feel bad for her.This meant a lot to Vilde and it must suck to constantly have people laugh at what matters to you.It was one of the reasons he spoke so little about what was important to him.He stopped feeling bad for her when he spotted Even walking across the quad.He looked like something out of a dream.Walking slowly, and confidently like he owned this school.Isak didn’t know how long he’d been staring but Vilde’s voice in the background turned into Emma’s.  


“Hi!Did you get my messages?”

 

“No, sorry, I didn’t.”He saw she’d messaged him but he did not feel like opening them. 

 

“We’re hosting a pregame Friday, and we were wondering if you guys wanted to join.”All the boys turned on him, excited and eager for his response. 

 

“Uh Friday?I don’t know, I think-“  


“Isak has brain damage, we’ll be there.”Mahdi cut in, and Emma smiled excitedly at Isak.

 

“Awesome, I’ll text you.”She and her friends walked off looking satisfied. 

 

“What the fuck is up with you?Are you freaking gay or what?”Isak knew Mahdi was just messing with him, the way all guys did, but comments like that were why he lied. 

 

“I’m getting psycho vibes from her.”He told them, and it was true, he did think she was already a bit clingy with him.Vilde clearly agreed as she went on another rant, this time about how the first year girls were too confident.It boiled down to who were the second year girls going to have sex with, if the second and third year boys were being pursued by first years girls.

 

“I’ll gladly volunteer if you want to fuck.”Magnus offered and Isak was relived that he was no longer the biggest idiot of the day. 

 

“Don’t be rude!”Vilde scolded and walked off, fed up with the boys.

 

“You’re such an idiot, man.”

 

It was early morning on Friday, and Isak was wide awake.However, this wasn’t like the times where he desperately wanted to sleep but he could only lay awake and think.This was his choice as he was watching the Facebook video of Even again.He decided to watch the version of Romeo and Juliet that the older boy mentioned.If he wanted to get close to Even, he’d have to see if they had anything in common. 

 

Two hours later, and he was crying.He never watched romance films but something about the way this had been done touched something in him.He wanted that, not the ending, the love and the way they’d put their love above all else.That was why things had ended with Chris, he wasn’t getting that.Chris might have cared for him but he didn’t want him more than anyone, he wasn’t Chris’ first choice.Feeling lonely, and without anyone to turn to, he decided to download Grindr.It’s how Eskild got guys, and this could give him an insight to what it would be like to flirt with guys as opposed to girls. 

 

He’d been wrong though.He hadn’t realized how sex and hook up focused Grindr was.He got a lot of messages right away but all were about his sexual preferences and what he’d like to do to others or have done to him.He quickly deleted the app and vowed to never go there again.

 

The afternoon came, and he knew it was time to face the music and get ready for the pre-game with Emma and her friends.The boys were excited, Magnus even informing them he was finally going to get laid, but he was given the task of fixing them beers.That was easy enough if he could get a hold of Eskild, sending him a text as he hoped on the bus home.Of course, he was working meaning Isak was out of luck.

 

“Hey!”Isak looked up and he nearly toppled over because it was Even.Even, who always looked gorgeous and excited to be in Isak’s presence. 

 

“Hey.”He could barely look at Even, so flustered and unsure of himself.There was no way Even could ever be interested in him.

 

“On your way home?”

 

“Yeah.You too?” 

 

“Yeah.”Even paused, hating how hesitant he and Isak were around each other.When they’d met months ago, they’d been able to speak easily.Why was it so weird now?“Awesome conversation, though.We used to be better at this.”Isak chuckled, grateful that Even was honest.The honesty made him feel more at ease.

 

“You’re 18, right?”He could kill two birds with one stone now.Spend time with Even, and get the beer.“Could you possibly buy some beer?”Even was all too happy to be used but he was smart.If he bought Isak that beer right away, he’d be gone in seconds.So, he told the younger boy that he’d left his ID at home and they could both go get it.Thankfully, his parents were out so it could be just him and Isak for a while.

 

Isak looked around Even’s room, getting a good insight into his personality.Two guitars, a Nas poster, and drawings all over the walls.He read them, laughing at a few, and enjoying the sense of humour Even had.

 

“Did you draw these?”Even nodded, watching Isak read his work.“They’re good, really funny.”

 

“Do you think so?”Isak hummed in confirmation and Even hid his smile.He’d gotten compliments on his work before but knowing Isak liked them, made him feel warm.He wanted Isak to like what he liked, he wanted Isak to like him.He kept searching, but not for his ID, for the one thing he knew they both enjoyed.“Here it is.”

 

“Did you find it?”Isak replied, still looking at Even’s work.He was a bit disappointed, he’d rather hang out in Even’s house than go party with Emma.

 

“No, but…”Even waited for Isak to look up and see he had two joints for them.Isak grinned, happy to partake.

 

The next few hours were some of the most fun of Isak’s life.He and Even sat in the window, smoking, and talking.The high made it easier to relax around the older boy.They talked about school, music, and a few things in between.The conversation would flow easily, and if there was silence, it was comfortable rather than awkward.They laughed, they teased each other, they got to know each other, and a few times caught each other staring. 

 

Hunger overtook them, and he found himself sitting on Even’s counter as he made cheese toasties for them.Even took out beers for them, and Isak was sure this boy was perfect.Clever, always seemed to have weed on him, handsome, funny, into good music and films, kind, and he was over 18 so he’d never want for alcohol again. 

 

“What spices would you like?Let’s start with Caribbean Jerk BBQ.”

 

“Caribbean Jerk sounds perfect!Go ahead!”They were both far too high to be trusted in the kitchen.

 

“Chili?” 

 

“Always chili.”

 

“Rosemary?”

 

“A lot, a lot of rosemary.I’ll just load it up.”Each spice that Even suggested, Isak confirmed.As Even loaded them up, he checked his phone reminded of his commitments to the boys and Emma. 

 

“It’s going to taste like balls, but there’s no turning back now.”Even joked but the words rang deep in Isak’s mind.

 

“There’s no turning back now.” He lied to Jonas, and he lied to Emma.Was it the right thing to do?No, but it meant he stayed with Even and he didn’t think there was anything wrong with that.He tucked his phone away to give the older boy his full focus.

 

“So, it’s weird how we met before the summer and now you go to Nissen.”Isak commented as the toasties were cooking.

 

“Yeah, I transferred for you.”Even said it casually like it was something Isak would already know.For a moment, Isak almost believed him but the older boy didn’t make it long without laughing.

 

“Shut up.”Isak laughed along with him, hoping he wasn’t blushing as deeply as he felt.“Why did you transfer?”

 

“Just wanted a fresh start, change of pace.”He shrugged.There was more to the story, but he couldn’t share that with Isak yet.It was too deep, too painful, and too much to spring on someone you’re still getting to know.

 

“Why Nissen, out of all the schools?You must be miserable so far from your nerdy media world.”

 

“I told you Isak, I wanted to be around you.Even if you’re a theatre freak.” 

 

“I am not!”

 

“I met you at a revue group.”Even pointed out with a smirk.

 

“That would make you just as much of a theatre nerd as me.”Isak retorted, pointing a finger at him.

 

“I was there to meet you.”Even said it in the same simple tone as the “I transferred for you” statement that Isak assumed it was a joke again.He laughed and groaned, but never once considered that this time Even had been telling the truth. 

 

The tone stayed playful and sweet as they waited for the food and then took it out.They sat on Even’s floor with their plates, and dug in. 

 

“There’s something not quite right with it.”Even mused, swallowing his first bite.

 

“It’s absolutely terrible.”Isak replied, cringing as he debated spitting his bite out.

 

“It’s so bad, it’s kind of good.”Even added, laughing.

 

“No, it was so bad, it got even worse.” 

 

“Excuse me.You were the one who wanted us to put on all of those spices.”Even pointed out.

 

“It’s really important to have a lot of cardamom.”  


“That’s the trick?”  


“Cardamom!”He playfully cheered and took pleasure in Even’s laugh.He loved Even’s laugh and smile, even more if he was the reason for it.He had the perfect way to keep that going.“Have you heard the rumors about my rapping?”

 

“Actually, I have.”No one had told Even about Isak’s rapping but he’d done enough lurking to see old videos of him.

 

“E-box, give me the beat!”Even thought Isak was the cutest human being alive as he got hyped up to do his rap that he couldn’t take it.He started cracking up and Isak clapped his hands together.‘Come on, get it together!”They were both laughing now, and Isak felt so happy to be in their bubble, he never wanted it to end.Of course, that's when the doorbell rang.

 

“What time is it?”Even asked, completely forgetting he’d invited people over.He’d been so caught up with Isak, he forgot time existed.“I invited some friends for a pre-game but you’re welcome to stay.I have a lot of beer.”

 

“Yeah.”He didn’t want there to be other people between him and Even, but at least this way he’d still be in his presence.Even got up to greet his friends and Isak eventually stood himself, psyching himself up to meet the older boy’s friends.He was introduced to Eskil, Elise, and Sonja…Even’s girlfriend.Isak felt his heart sink into his gut as the news washed over him.Even had a girlfriend, a pretty older girlfriend who he kissed intensely in front of everyone.Of course, he wasn’t interested in Isak, he was just friendly and chill with him as he waited for his cool girlfriend.Then, because the night had to get worse, Jonas texted him saying he knew he was lying.And then Emma texted him calling him an asshole.

 

“I actually have to go.”Isak muttered and Even stepped away from Sonja over to him.

 

“Everything okay?”He asked and it was so gentle, Isak wanted to slap himself for getting his hopes up.

 

“Yeah, just my mom, she needs some help.”He lied but Even didn’t know him well enough to know he didn’t help his mom out. 

 

“Well, I’ll see you around, yeah?”Even was looking at him fondly because he did want to see him again.He kissed Sonja out of guilt because he knew it was messed up to spend the afternoon with a boy you like when you have a girlfriend.It wasn’t cool that he’d spent the last few hours thinking about how he could kiss Isak when his girlfriend was on her way to visit him.

 

“Yeah.Bye Even.”Isak mumbled, exiting quickly and shutting the door behind him.He leaned against it for a moment to catch his breath.As he did, he overheard something that kept him from giving up on Even.

 

“What’s going on with you and him?That’s that kid you meant over the summer, right?”It was Sonja, and she was not happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Each chapter will get more and more away from canon. I mean big things will stay the same but because of Chris and Evak meeting before 3x01, there will be changes.  
> 2\. BTW loved the first clip of season four. Evak moving in together <333, Vilde and Magnus being cute (though my heart is with Eva/Vilde), seeing a truly vulnerable Sana, seeing EVERYONE looking so good. I can not wait for this season to go down.  
> 3\. I may, depending on how season 4 goes, continue this story to go with season 4 :)  
> 4\. Let me know your thoughts, again sorry for the delay. Believe me, I need my wifi back.


	19. Lie, Lie, Lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I GOT WIFI AGAIN! I'll post the next chapter tomorrow or Monday (since tomorrow is Easter for some people so maybe not an active day for reading fic). Thank you for bearing with me and being nice :)

It was Saturday and Isak was feeling like an idiot and an asshole.  Emma was pissed at him and sent him multiple texts to let him know.  Jonas, Magnus, and Mahdi were pissed at him for lying and ruining their chance to go to the pregame.  He hadn’t spoken to Even, but he really did not want to.  He had let himself believe he had a shot with the older boy, which wasn’t Even’s fault but he still couldn’t help but be upset with him.  It sounded childish, but how dare he have a girlfriend when Isak likes him?

 

He told Jonas and Mahdi he’d meet up with them to explain in person what went done. 

 

“Hey traitor.”  Mahdi said as he sat down next to Isak.  Isak rolled his eyes but Mahdi kept going.    “That’s pretty shitty of you, betraying us.  Like, what’s up with that?”

 

“Yeah, I’m sorry but, uh…it was just really stressful.”  

 

“Stress, what do you mean stress?”  Mahdi replied.  Jonas started to tense, the only times Isak really talked about stress and let it get to him was over his mom.  If he was lying and isolating himself, it was serious.

 

“I’ll fix us a new pregame, okay?”  Isak didn’t want to tell them anything, he just wanted to drop it.  He’d never ditch them for Even again, it clearly wasn’t going to happen there.

 

“Yeah, but what kind of stress?”  Jonas pushed, worried and frustrated that Isak was so closed lately.  They’d been through so much together, he hated when Isak didn’t let him in.

 

“Just, it was some stuff with my mom.”  Isak hated playing the “crazy mom” card especially when it wasn’t true but he knew it was the one thing to shut people up.

 

“With your mom?  What’s up with her?” Mahdi didn’t know Isak that well yet but he did want to.  If Isak was having an issue at home, he wanted to be there for him.

 

“She’s stressed out.”  Isak didn’t need to get into this now.

 

“My mom’s been stressed out since I came into this world up until this very day.”  Mahdi was mostly teasing but Isak was so secretive, it was hard to get a read on him.  Jonas was always telling him what a cool guy Isak was but he was shut off and Mahdi wished he could see the side Jonas spoke of.

 

“How is she?”  Jonas asked tentatively, hoping Mahdi would pick up on his tone that this was very serious.

 

“She’s okay.”  Isak couldn’t look at either of them.  He kept telling his friends, including his best friend, lie after lie and it was beginning to eat him up inside.  Jonas met Mahdi’s eyes, and both decided not push further.  This was obviously something serious and deep for Isak, he didn’t need to talk about.  Mahdi told Isak to fix a new pregame, and the situation was dropped.  They were both still worried though, something was going on with Isak and he wasn’t going to let anyone in on it anytime soon.

 

It was early Monday morning and Isak couldn’t sleep again.  He had a text from his mother about being baptized that made him turn his phone off.  He took out his laptop to mess around on there, giving up on sleep.  Emma had posted a new photo on Facebook and he stared at it, wanting to like it.  Objectively, he knew she was a pretty girl the way he knew Eva and her friends were, but he felt nothing when it got down to it.  He wanted to feel the way he felt when he saw Even but it never came.  He began doing research about this, clicking on a thread entitled “can gay men get turned on by women?”  There had to be a way to stop feeling this way, to become someone new and learn to like Emma the way he liked Even.  It turned out there was: alcohol.  

 

Later at school, Vilde approached him about the pregame they’d discuss before.  He was not going, he was never doing a Kossgrouppa thing again.  He’d agreed to be partners with Even just to get close to him, then Emma got involved, and now he was the biggest fool of all.  Vilde did not back down though, so, he was hosting the damn pregame.  He sighed, and noticed Emma down the hall.  He debated his next move, ultimately choosing to approach her.  If he had to be apart of Kosegrouppa, he had to choose Emma over Even.  He wouldn’t get his hopes up over Even, there was nothing there for him.

 

“I need some advice.”  He started but she refused to look at him, focus completely on her locker.  “There’s this really cute girl in first year and I’ve managed to piss her off.”  He knew exactly how to play this to get instant forgiveness.  It scared him how quickly he could fall into this character he’d created for himself.  “She has every reason to be, ‘cause I fucked up a promise I’d made and that wasn’t nice.  So, what I was wondering was: do you think I should go shoot myself or maybe she’ll forgive me?”  Emma was softening and he knew all he had to do was give her a charming smile and he’d have her again.  “It’s okay if she does in like 20 years, but as long as she does at some point.”

 

“Idiot.”  She said but there was no meanness in her voice.  She was flattered, bashful, and sweet, Isak felt terrible.  Here was this perfectly nice and pretty girl, and he was using her to prove a point to himself.  He had to like her, it was only fair to her that he like her.  He was going to use the pregame to get there, he’d drink and then everything would be fine.

 

Later in the week, the boys dragged him to go watch the audition for the dancers of the revue.  As Jonas, Magnus, and Mahdi watched with interest, Isak just stared trying to get there himself. As he watched this group of graceful, beautiful girls move around, he felt nothing.  He just starred, hoping none of his friends would notice how little he cared.  Alcohol really was the thing he needed.

 

They finished their routine and Magnus clapped excitedly.  The dance captain gave the girls the information and then turned to the boys.

 

“Shows over boys.”  He walked out, ignoring that Magnus was still applauding.

 

“Does that guy really need to be that gay?”  Isak wasn’t sure why he’d said that.  Overcompensation?  Self-loathing?  His role as the cool asshole was veering into just an asshole?  A combination of the three?  He just knew it was shitty the second it left his mouth.

 

“What?”  Jonas replied.

 

“He’s like ultra gay.”  It was like word vomit now, he couldn’t stop.  It made him feel better about himself though, he wasn’t like that guy so he wasn’t gay.

 

“What’s up with your dissing people for being gay?”  Jonas had no idea why Isak was even saying this.  Isak lived with a gay guy, and they seemed to get along great.  Even if that wasn’t the case, who cared that that guy was gay?

 

“I’m not dissing him but it was really obvious.”  Maybe Isak was jealous of him.  He worked so hard to make sure no one knew he liked guys, and here was this guy not caring what people thought.  Like Eskild, he was proud of who he was and Isak lived in shame.

 

“Yeah, but you’re just pointing out that he’s gay.”  Jonas struggled to find something to say.  Did Isak want him to diss that guy too?  There was no reason to in his eyes.  He didn’t want to fight with Isak, but this was not an attractive side.  “Really good observation, Isak.”  

 

Isak and Jonas began snipping at each other while Magnus and Mahdi listened in annoyance.  

 

“Mom and dad are fighting again.”  Magnus whispered jokingly and Mahdi rolled his eyes but he did huff out a laugh.  

 

They were all dragged out of the moment by Even, tossing Isak a snapback.

 

“You forgot that on Friday.”  Isak stared at Even, so did the other boys.  Friday?  When Isak was supposedly with his mom?  Why would he lie about hanging out with guy.  “It is yours, right?”

 

“I think that’s mine…”

 

“Forgot where?”  Isak was panicking, they couldn’t know.  How could he explain that he lied about missing the pregame because he’d been with a guy?  He looked up at Even, almost begging him to lie.  Even caught the look and got the message instantly.  He’d never have approached Isak with his friends if he thought he’d get like this.

 

“In the cafeteria.”  He said casually, shrugging his shoulders and leaving.  He knew he’d upset Isak on Friday and he didn’t want to hurt him further.  He liked this boy enough to keep things a secret.

 

“Who’s that guy?”

 

“Just some nerd from Vilde’s revue group.”  Lie, lie, lie.  Isak didn’t know who he was becoming and what was worse, he was scared he couldn’t stop it.  Magnus broke the tension, telling the boys about some S&M dream he had about Vilde.  Suddenly, Isak’s ignorance and Even were forgotten about.  That was, until all the boys headed home and Jonas stopped Isak.

 

“Isak, you know if something’s going on, you can tell me.”  Jonas was so earnest yet firm in his reminder.  “There’s nothing you can’t tell me.”

 

“Nothing’s going on man, but thanks.”  Isak nodded and headed off quickly to avoid more questions.  Jonas watched, dejected and hurt by Isak’s constant refusal to let him in.  They’d gotten so close over the last year, how could he shut down on him like this?  

 

Isak couldn’t tell Jonas, he was too scared.  If he couldn’t say it out loud to himself or to Chris, the guy he used to hook up with, he couldn’t tell anyone.  He saw the way Jonas reacted to his comments about the guy with the dancing chicks, so he wasn’t worried about him lashing out.  Jonas would probably be kind, very kind, but Isak didn’t want to be kind to this situation.  He didn’t want it to exist, he wanted to be straight and like Emma.

 

Friday at school before the party, and he gets a text from Chris.

 

_ See you tonight, proud of you for hosting a pregame instead of bumming beer off of everyone else _

 

_You’re not invited anymore, tell Eva she can make out with someone else_

 

_Like you?_

 

_ Now you’re uninvited to any party we ever have at the Kollectivet again _

 

_ But Eskild loves me, all gay guys do…right? ;) _

 

_Blocking your number now_

 

The pregame was well under way, everyone all coloured up and ready to party.  Isak stuck by Emma as much as he could, avoiding Chris, and hoping Even wouldn’t show up.  He was actually having a good time with Emma.  The more he drank, the more he relaxed, and it wasn’t as uncomfortable.  Sure, she didn’t like the same music as him like Even did but that was a small thing.  He could put up with Justin Bieber.  Then, he heard him: Even.  Of course he came with Sonja, and of course he looked effortlessly perfect.  Isak was pretty sure he hated him.  

 

As if Emma could tell he was thinking of someone else, she had him touching the underwire on her bra.  Suddenly he’s feeling her up while Even’s eyes bore into his, it can’t go down like this.  Even can’t have the power.  He chugged down the rest of his beer and started kissing her.  He gave it everything he had, the way he used to with Sara when they were in public.  Just as they got into it, Even plopped down next to him and Isak definitley hated him.

 

“I think you guys are bonding a little too much over here.”  He teased them and Emma who was both drunk and oblivious pulled him into a hug.  He put a hand on Isak’s shoulder, complimenting his apartment, trying to get his attention but Isak couldn’t look at him.

 

“I mean, it’s a shared apartment.”  Emma began rambling about how great everything was and Isak suddenly isn’t sure which person on the coach he wants gone anymore.  She then focused on how great Eskild was and proclaimed, “I love gay people, they’re hilarious.”

 

“Don’t you think that’s a bit of a superficial generalization?”  Isak looked up at Even with shock, respect, and curiosity.  “It’s like saying all muslims are terrorists.”  Emma and Even began debating this but Isak only heard Even, saying the opposite of what Isak heard in his head all day.  That gay people are different, that not all gay people are the same, and he can still be who he is while liking guys.  He can still be Isak.  He probably should’ve backed Emma up, but either she didn’t notice or she didn’t care because she’s on her feet getting him to dance.

 

What happened next was one of the most confusing moments of Isak’s life.  He’s dancing with Emma, trying to enjoy it while getting looks from two people: Chris and Even.   Eva was dancing with Vilde, and Sana as Chris watched Isak watch Even who was watching Isak.  Isak might have been kissing Emma, but his focus stayed on Even kissing Sonja while Even stared back.  Thankfully, Emma and Sonja were oblivious but Chris, Chris saw the pained look on Isak’s face when he finally stopped looking at Even, and he had to find out what was going on.

 

Once Emma and Isak seemed to be done with their moment, he approached them.

 

“Hey, Isak, I need your help with something in the kitchen.”  Isak sighed in annoyance, didn’t Chris get that he’s trying to like this girl?  “He’ll be right back.” Chris said to Emma, not giving Isak a choice as he tugged him into the kitchen.

 

“What?”  Isak snapped, rolling his eyes.

 

“Who’s the guy?”  He smirked, crossing his arms.  

 

“What guy?”

“The guy you were watching make out with a girl while you made out with a girl.  That was wild, goldy locks.”  The older boy laughed, but Isak looked down at the ground.  “What’s going on there?”

 

“He has a girlfriend, I like…Emma, so nothing.”  He didn’t want Chris involved in this.  He could be friendly with Chris, he could be cool with Chris hooking up with Eva, but he could not let Chris in on his love life.

 

“You don’t seem to like Emma.”  Chris crossed his arms and shook his head.

 

“Well, I do, so fuck off.  You’re always telling me what I like, what I am but that’s not for you to decide.”  Isak was keeping his voice down so they wouldn’t attract attention but he was angry.

 

“Isak, you can’t hide from your feelings forever.”  Chris had no interest in a fight, he just wanted to get through to Isak.  He felt for him, he only pushed to break down the walls the younger boy insisted on having up.

 

“I’m not hiding from anything.  I’m doing what I want, now mind your own business.”

 

“Okay but…fuck, you make me talk so cheesy sometimes.   I’m here for you, okay?  And not just me; Eva, Jonas, Eskild, we all got you.”  Chris was gentle now, the kind of gentleness that Isak had fallen for.  He wasn’t going to fall for Chris again, that ship had sailed, but the tenderness sparked more in him than kissing Emma had.  Isak hated himself for that, but he also couldn’t deny that there was no comparison between kissing Emma and kissing Chris.

 

The lights were back on and everyone was getting into groups for the four cabs outside.  Emma was off bonding with Sonja while Even stared down Isak as he cleaned up.  Isak looked up once, heart beating fast at the intensity and lust in Even’s gaze.  He knew one thing, he could not go to that party.  The pregame with Emma, Even, and Chris had taken everything out of him and he just needed to be alone.  He told Emma he’d be taking his bike and he’d meet with them there but later he’d tell her he was too tired.

 

He began emptying out cans, enjoying the silence and the his buzz from beer.  He could forget about everything, or so he thought because Even came walking in.

 

“Didn’t you take a cab with the others?”  He just wanted peace in his kitchen not older boys he is trying to forget to bother him.  

 

“I have a bike.”  Even replied, emptying out bottles and cans too.  At least he was helpful.  “Good times with Emma?”  Even knew exactly what he was doing the whole night.  He didn’t want to be with Sonja anymore, he wanted Isak and had since he met him months ago.  It was wrong but he had to know if Isak was interested before ending things with Sonja.  She’d been his girlfriend for too long, and he had too much of a history to end things over a crush he wasn’t sure about.  If he could rile Isak up, and gage his interest, he’d know what to do next.

 

“She’s keen.”  Isak replied, trying not to look at Even too much.  Looking at Even made him nervous, excited, and eager, all things he couldn’t be.  

 

“You know that Sonja and i have been dating since were like, 15 or something.”  Even began and Isak wanted to tell him to shut up.  He did not need to hear about how great Even’s relationship with his girlfriend was.  

 

“Okay…”  He settled on, hoping Even would take the hint.  However, he kept going, telling Isak how they were drifting apart but he couldn’t end it.  What Isak didn’t get was Even was trying to tell him what he was feeling without properly telling him.  

 

“If I dump Sonja, she’ll think I’m doing it because of her aluminum leg.”  Isak looked up in shock.    “You didn’t know?  She’s amputated her entire foot.”

 

“What?!”  Now Isak felt terrible.  He’d wanted to hook up with a guy who’s girlfriend had a fake leg.  “How did that happen?”

 

“She stepped on a land mine at Tjøme when she was nine years old, blew off the entire left foot.”

 

“Shit…”  

 

“She’s doing better, she’s gotten a lot of help from physiotherapists in developing her motor skills.  You know, aluminum technology has come a long way.  You can barely tell she’s limping at all.”  Isak took a moment but he got it.

 

“You’re joking?”  Even nodded, letting out the laugh he’d been keeping in.  He wanted to make Isak smile.  He was tired of making the younger boy nervous and uncomfortable, he wanted to have fun with him.  He loved his smile.  “How can you joke about something like that?!”

 

“Did you think there were land mines at Tjøme?”  Even moved closer to Isak, ready to make his next move.  

 

“You can’t joke about things like that.”

 

“It could’ve been worse.”

 

“No!  That’s a really serious thing to joke about.”

 

“I could’ve joked about her having a dick.  That would’ve been going too far.”  Isak blushed because he remembered what Eskild told him about guys who bring up dicks like this.  This was the second time Even had brought up dicks for no reason.  He was melting again under Even, and feeling light and comfortable, it was the happiest he’d been all night.

 

“I don’t think aluminum technology was-

 

“That’s what gave me away.”  Isak paused and became sad again.  Aluminum leg or not, Sonja was Even’s girlfriend.  Even did not like Isak, he liked Sonja and that’s how it had to be.

 

“She’s sweet.”  Isak muttered, looking down.  “Sonja.”  Even had had enough, he needed to make a move now.  He could see that Isak was hurting, that Isak had convinced himself he had no shot.  He had to make a move.  He moved in slowly, wanting Isak to have the freedom and time to push him away if he didn’t want this.  He didn’t, he let Even get closer until…their lips touched.  It was brief, not because of either of them but because of a thump at the door, but still it happened.  Even had kissed Isak.

 

That one brief kiss had set a fire inside him that making out with Emma couldn’t touch.  Now he knew, Even wanted him too.  Still, he had to investigate that noise and ran out of the room, Even following behind him.

 

It was Noora.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I made it a kiss because they had a prior meeting and both pined for 3 more months than in canon so it couldn't be an almost kiss here. That said, I still wanted to have my girl Noora come in and ruin it because some things gotta happen ;)
> 
> Even is also going to do something significant next chapter because it was a real full on kiss. 
> 
> Also, I'm keeping Emma sympathetic but once we reach episode 5, that's when I'm hopping off that train because naaaaaah.
> 
> Finally, welcome back to the narrative Chris. Tell William to be honest with Noora in canon please
> 
> How did everyone like episode 1? I'm so so in love with Sana and my heart breaks for how isolated she feels. That said, I'm not into how everyone is ripping into the girl squad (especially Noora who had NO idea what the girls planned). They're not acting great right now but Sana also hasn't let them in on how she feels. As her friends, they should be aware and notice BUT people, even good people, can be selfish. And it's all about POV, we might not be as sympathetic to Sana if this was from Vilde or Noora's POV. Imagine season 3 but from Sonja's POV: her man starts acting shady and cheats on her. Suddenly, Evak don't look so good now because we don't know their side and what they're going through as much. I'm all about Sana and on her side but the way people are tearing into the girl squad is sad and unnecessary.
> 
> Also, no way Sana and Yousef won't be a thing, they already have so many parallels with the other main couples of the past 3 seasons and Yousef is hella into her. I can't wait for more.


	20. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even finally take the next step.

Noora had left William in London and now she was back home but Isak couldn’t even bring himself to care because Even had kissed him.  It might have been short but it happened.  He had been so sure he had no shot with the older boy and this had sent him into a tailspin of confusion, joy, and doubt.  He’d reached out to see if they could meet but Even said he was with Sonja…what the fuck?

 

Technically speaking, Even had cheated on Sonja with him.  Was he going to act like it never happened?  Would he want Isak to be his dirty secret because he’d never do that again.  After everything that had gone down with Chris, he couldn’t have a secret relationship again.  He’d rather admit he likes boys than hide something real.

 

On top of that, his father was guilt tripping him again.

 

_Isak, please come to see Mamma for her birthday.  She misses you, and it might cheer her up._

 

_I’m busy, just sign my name on the card._

 

_She says you never answer her messages_

 

_Look at the messages she sends me and then you’ll know why.  I told you, I’ll talk to her when I’m ready._

 

His mom wasn’t his mom.  His family wasn’t a family.  He was not going to feel bad for that.  He had a better “family” with Eskild, and Linn…oh and Noora now too.

 

On Monday, every locker had invites to a huge Halloween party and Isak couldn’t be bothered.  Especially when his locker refused to open, and Even is walking up to him.

 

“Hey.”  His voice was deep and confident as he looked at Isak like he was the only person that mattered.  

 

“Hi.”  Did his voice have to come out so high-pitched and scared?

 

“Are you going to the Halloween party?”

 

“No, maybe, I don’t know, are you?”  He wished he could be smooth and cool like Even but he had so many questions.  Maybe he was making too big a deal out of this one kiss, maybe to Even it was nothing.

 

“Join, then.”  Even moved closer, the way he had in the kitchen.

 

“Okay.”  He was weak and gone for Even and he hated it.  Even had so much power here and for all Isak knew, he was playing him.

 

“We’ll pregame together, just you and me.”

 

“Yeah.”  Isak gulped.  

 

“Great.”  Even smiled and hit his fist against Isak’s locker, opening it instantly.  Isak never knew hitting a locker could be so attractive.  

 

He did mean something to Even, he wanted to pregame alone with Isak.  No Sonja, no Emma, no friends, just the two of them.  He would get his answers then.  

 

Jonas had been upset with him for leaving him out of the pregame but he was going to make that right too.  Saturday was Magnus’ birthday so he’d be with Even on Friday, and his boys Saturday.  He could have both of his worlds for now and maybe collide them.

 

Later in the week, he was doing work with Sana.  Or, Sana was doing work, Isak was reading religious rants from his mother.  Sana snapped at him, and for once he was relieved to have her angry with him because it made him think.  Sana was very smart, and pretty cool when she wasn’t biting his head off.  How could she believe in religion?  Religion to him was so absurd, he only knew it through his mother’s eyes and it seemed to drive her insane.  Natural science you could prove, you couldn’t prove God or any of the other stuff she said.  

 

Isak then made a terrible choice, he told Sana how he felt, and she’d ripped into him.  He had been scared, but also impressed.  Sana knew how to argue her case and her words about evolution and homosexuality sent a freezing cold chill down his spine.  It wasn’t natural…he wasn’t natural.  Every time he took a step forward, something knocked him down.

 

Then, to add insult to injury, Emma came bouncing up to him.

 

“Hey Isak, do you want to pregame together before the Halloween party?”  She was so excited and Isak imagined that’s what he looked like when Even talked to him.  “If you’re going, that is.”  


“Oh, I uh-I’m kind pregaming with someone else.”  He stammered, ignoring the curious looks from Sana.

 

“Oh, who?”  

 

“Uh…”  He paused.  He couldn’t say the boys because it would get back to them just like last time.  He couldn’t say Eva or the girls because Sana would shut that down right away.  “Even.”

 

“Oh, can I join?  I’m sure he’ll bring Sonja.”  

 

“Sure.”  He squeaked, inwardly slapping himself.  

 

“Great!  I’ll text you about costumes?”  He could only nod and avoid Sana’s knowing and teasing gaze.  At least she wasn’t angry with him anymore, he had bigger problems now like this disaster of a pregame.

 

_Did you invite Emma to our pregame?_

 

_She kind of invited herself but I figured you’re bringing Sonja._

 

_I broke up with Sonja._

 

Isak’s heart began beating double time as he realized that Even really did want it to be just the two of them.  He had to get Emma out of the picture, but nicely because he was starting to feel bad about leading her on.  First he texts Even,

 

_I’ll get rid of her._

 

Then Emma,

 

_ Hey, so apparently Even and Sonja broke up and he kind of wanted it to just be a guys night.  I’ll see you at the party though. _

 

_:( Okay.  That’s so sad, do you have Sonja’s number?  Maybe if you pre with Even and I pre with her, we can get them back together!  She’s really cool._

 

_Maybe yeah_

 

_:)_

 

He didn’t care how oblivious she was, he was going to pregame alone with Even.  Even, who had kissed him and then broken up with his girlfriend over it.  It wasn’t like Chris, Even wanted just him or he wouldn’t have dumped Sonja.

 

_Did you tell her?  
_

 

_ Yeah, said it was just a guys night. _

 

_;)_

 

They were alone in the Kollectivet, Even in some ridiculous God costume and Isak in no costume at all because he didn’t really care and had been too nervous to come up with something.

 

“So, why are you-that?”  Isak gestured to Even’s costume and held back a laugh.

 

“Because Sonja and I had planned to be God and an angel and I didn’t want to buy something new.”  Even explained, cringing.  “The better question is, why are you just in normal clothes?  It’s Halloween.”

 

“I don’t really do costumes.”

 

“Too cool for Halloween?”  Even teased and Isak rolled his eyes.

 

“I’m too cool for everything.”  Isak shot back, tilting his head and smiling wide when Even laughed.  

 

“Let me guess, you’re too cool for this party?”  Isak nodded.  “We should do something else.”

 

“Like?”  

 

“Want to hop on my bike and see where the night takes us?”  Isak nodded again, quickly.  He would follow Even anywhere if he kept smiling at him like that.  Like Isak was the only person he wanted to spend time with.  

 

He sat on the back of Even’s bike, fitting easier on it than he ever did Jonas’.  They drove into the night, talking loudly and laughing.  Their conversation flowed easily, and the comfort they felt together was clear.  Isak didn’t feel on guard with Even, he felt safe, as if Even wouldn’t judge him or look down on him.  Even felt like Isak was a new hope for him.  He didn’t know his past, he didn’t need to, he just needed to know that they could have fun together.  Even stopped when he got to a familiar house, a friend from Bakka’s, a friend with a pool in the basement.  It was perfect, he could kiss Isak again under the water.  That would be their real first kiss, the kiss that mattered.

 

“I feel like going for a swim, don’t you?”  He said and Isak looked back in confusion.

 

“A swim?”  

 

“Yeah.”  Even got off the bike, walking quickly to calm his nerves.  Isak followed, still confused but also amused.

 

“Who lives here?”

 

“My aunt.”  Even replied, knowing how to sneak into the basement from his old days.

 

“Is she okay with us being here?”

 

“Yeah, don’t worry.”  Isak kept asking questions but eventually Even got him into the basement.  He just wanted Isak to fall into this romantic moment but he was being so quizzical.  “Why are you being so sceptical?”

 

“I’m not, it’s just a little weird to go swimming in somebody’s basement in-“  

 

“Are you afraid of swimming or what?”  Even teased, challenging Isak.

 

“Afraid of swimming?”  

 

“Or afraid you’ll fuck up that hairdo?”

 

“Does it look like I care about my hair?”  Isak put his hand on his heart, pretending he was sick of the questions but he loved the banter.  He loved the way he and Even could mess with each other because the more they did it, the more Even looked endeared by him.  He wanted to keep that look on his face.

 

“Well, not now but usually-“  Isak had enough of the teasing and playfully but with enough force shoved Even into the pool.  Even laughed as he grabbed Isak with him, both falling in with a shout.  Isak came up instantly but Even shot up moments later, puffing his chest out at Isak.

 

“Did you think I’d died?”  He questioned with a chuckle that Isak responded with.

 

“Yeah, I was so scared.  You suck at holding your breath.”

 

“I suck?  Fuck you, you try it then.”  

 

“You’r challenging me?  You shouldn’t, I’m the fucking champion!”

 

“Of course.”  Isak was somehow the master and champion of everything.  He was defensive in a way that Even found completely adorable.  Isak proved, or rather didn’t prove, his point by going down for less than ten seconds.  “Wow, you never cease to impress.”

 

‘I got water in my lungs!”  It was true but he also hadn’t held his breath in a while.

 

“Let’s try together.”  Even suggested, ready to make his move.  “On three.”  They went down on three, Even staring Isak down.  He first reached out pretending he was going to choke him but Isak pushed his hand away.  They kept floating and challenging until Even leaned in and kissed Isak again.  Isak shot up afterward, not even registering the kiss because he was so angry he lost the competition.  

 

“Yes!  I won!”  Even cheered triumphantly but mostly because he kissed Isak again.  

 

“No!  That’s cheating!”  Isak insisted.  

 

“You think there are any rules here?”  That shook Isak a bit more than he wanted to show.  There were no rules with Even, no pretence.  He just wanted him and Even wanted him back.

 

“That’s cheating-you can’t.  I won’t accept losing because of something like that.”  Isak wasn’t as oblivious as he was playing right now.  He wanted to get Even under the water and do the same to him.  Luckily, that’s what happened and they went down again.

 

This time, Isak leaned in almost instantly.  Even let him, wanting Isak to be the instigator this time, to show he wanted him the same way and he got it.  They both came up, still kissing and it was even better than either had imagined.   Even pulled Isak closer by his waist, wanting him closer and closer.  Isak let his inhibitions and fears fall as he kissed eagerly, unable to pretend this wasn’t exactly what he wanted.  

 

Their moment was interrupted though by a little girl.  Isak then learned that Even had lied about whose house this was.  They got out of the house as quickly as possible, running to Even’s bike and trying to get home.  Isak didn’t even register how cold it was as Even sped back to his place.  He and Even had really, really kissed and it had been the most alive he’d felt since-well, since he and Chris were a thing.  He didn’t want to compare Even to Chris though, they couldn’t be more different.  Chris was edgy, teasing, and always testing him but Even was warm, light, and he made Isak feel at ease despite the butterflies in his stomach.

 

Both made quick work of changing at Isak’s, due to how cold it was and how wet they were.  the Isak offered Even some clothes to wear and a towel, to dry off with to which Even replied,

 

“Nah, I don’t care about my hair like you, remember?”  Isak rolled his eyes and threw the towel in his face.  Even laughed, his whole face lighting up and the younger boy couldn’t help but just watch him.  He radiated so much joy, Isak wanted to keep this light in his life. 

 

Once they were both dressed and dry, their gazes turned to Isak’s bed.  Isak had never had a boy in this bed, not even Jonas sleeping over.  He’d never shared his bed with anyone here and he was happy the first person was Even.  Not some girl he was pretending to like to prove a point but the boy he very much did like.  He was doing this because he wanted it, not because he thought he should.

 

“I can sleep on the couch or floor if you-“  Even offered, assuming Isak’s silence was nerves.  Isak cut Even off with a kiss, tired of tip toeing around their attraction.  He wanted Even close, in his bed.  “Or I can stay here.”  


 

“Yeah, stay.”  They both layed down in the bed, Isak slowly lying on Even’s chest.  Even smiled down at Isak, brushing some of his hair back and kissing his forehead.  Isak smiled softly, thinking about how Even could make him feel like his heart was going to beat out of his chest one second, and secure the next.  Maybe, maybe this was the boy he’d come out for.

 

He was in such a place of bliss, he didn’t see Emma’s texts.

 

_Hey :) When are you and Even getting here?_

 

_Isak?_

 

_You could at least respond!_

 

_I spoke to Sonja, she told me everything.  ASSHOLE!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. It didn't seem right to me for Even to not dump Sonja in this fic to be with Isak  
> 2\. The sympathy for Emma is fading  
> 3\. Next chapter is LIT, I am so pumped about it


	21. Cuddles and Crying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak has an amazing Saturday and a bad every other day but Chris and Eva have his back

Isak and Even spent all of Saturday together; cuddled up in hoodies, smoking weed, and kissing, lots of kissing.  It was so gentle and intimate that Isak forgot why he thought this was wrong.  The way he felt wrapped up in Even was the best he’d ever felt and how could something be wrong with that?  

 

“Have you ever been with a boy before?”  Isak asked tentatively.

 

“Not really.”  Even paused and thought about the question.  “It depends what you mean by been with.  I’ve kissed boys but the only relationship I’ve ever had is Sonja.  Have you?”  


 

“Yeah…”  Isak bit his lip, debating how to explain his history with Chris.  “This guy Chris who was in third year last year.  We were like friends with benefits, I guess, I don’t know.  We never had sex.”

 

“Okay.”  Even’s hand tensed for a moment on Isak’s back, wishing he wasn’t jealous.  Isak had a right to a past but he’d sort of hoped he was the first boy to be with him like this.

 

Isak on the other hand was having a flashback to one of the times him and Chris got a little closer.

 

_They were on Chris’ bed, the older boy on top kissing down Isak’s neck.  He was letting out little gasps as Chris worked his way down, one hand trailing higher on his leg.  As it moved to the bottom on his jeans, Chris covered Isak’s mouth with his own._

 

_ “Chris-“  Isak started, prepared to say he didn’t want this even though he did.  God, he wanted it so much. _

 

_“Shhh, I got you, okay?”  Chris looked into his eyes as his hand slipped lower and Isak could only nod._

 

“It wasn’t like this though.”  Isak finally whispered and Even looked down at him in confusion.  “Like…I don’t know, soft and gentle.  Is that weird to say?”

 

“No.”  Even smiled fondly, kissing Isak’s nose.  “What do you mean though?”

 

“Chris wasn’t a cuddler.  I mean, we did cuddle but it was more kissing and then hanging out.  Things ended because he couldn’t commit to me and he slept with Eva.  At least he was honest.”  Isak explained, not wanting to act like Chris mistreated him but wanting Even to know he liked what they were doing.  “It wasn’t like this.  I like this.”

 

“I like it too.”  Even whispered, kissing Isak softly and pulling him closer.  He didn’t want to do that to Isak, jerk him around and give him false hope.  He was with him all the way.

 

“Did you break up with Sonja to be with me?”  Isak asked as they pulled away for a moment.

 

“Yes and no.”  Even began.  “Yes, because I want to be with you and I wasn’t going to make you my side boy.  But, I might have ended things eventually.  She was controlling at times and it’s safe to stay with someone you’ve been with for four years but it wasn’t the same.  Meeting you was like a sign to end it.  A signal from the universe that it was time.”

 

Isak could only smile as his insides turned to jelly under Even’s sweet words.  Even smiled down at him, brushing some of his hair back and kissing his forehead, nose, and cheek.  

 

“You know, there’s probably a parallel universe where I’m with Chris and you’re with Sonja doing this.”  Isak mused and Even huffed, shaking his head.  “I like this one better though.”

 

“Me too.”

 

Isak woke up Sunday morning to an empty bed.  He turned over, looking around for any sign of Even but was met with only a drawing.  It was from Even with two panels and Isak couldn’t help but smile as he took it in, putting it on his nightstand so he didn’t lose or wrinkle it.  Isak took out his phone to call Even, wanting to see where he was but got no answer.

 

_Nice drawing, answer your phone_

 

_With my parents today, sorry :(  See you Monday?_

 

Isak is happy nonetheless.  He had Even in his bed for a whole day, cuddled up and kissing him.  He had Even telling him he wanted to be with him, not Sonja.  He had Even asking if they could stay in his room forever.  He had Even nuzzling his nose, and leaving him special drawings.  He could wait until Monday for more of Even.

 

As for Emma’s texts, well he tried to do damage control.

 

_Hi Emma, I don’t know what Sonja told you but I’d rather we talk about it._

 

_I don’t believe anything you say, you’re a liar and an asshole._

 

_ Please don’t tell people what she told you _

 

She never replied but Monday came and he was met with his friends and it hit him: Magnus’ birthday.  He genuinely forgot and feels guilty and left out as his friends discuss the night.  His day gets worse as Even never comes to school and never texts him to explain why.  

 

He doesn’t hear any gossip around the school about him, and he avoids Emma successfully.  He even asked Vilde if she’d heard anything around school about him, careful with his words.

 

“Have you heard any gossip about me and Emma?” 

 

“No, not a thing.”  Vilde shook her head and he let out a relieved exhale.  “Why?  What happened?  If I do hear something, I need to know the truth so I can defend you Isak.”

 

“I just told her I didn’t want to be with her, and it was a lot of stress.  She kind of got psycho.”  He felt guilty about lying but he couldn’t have Emma telling people he was gay and with Even.  He wasn’t ready and he had a right to do it on his terms.

 

“Oh Isak, this is why you and your boys need to stop letting these brazen first years take charge.”  Vilde shook her head, and pursed her lips.  “They’re not emotionally ready to be with second year boys.  Look at Noora and William and how that’s working out.  You need to be careful with who you choose to be intimate with.”

 

“Yeah, you’re right, thanks Vilde.”  He feigned gratitude for her advice and she smiled sweetly.

 

“Of course, Isak.  Anything for a friend, and don’t worry, I’ll defend you if I hear anything.  I won’t let the first year girls have all the power.”  She walked off with a bounce in her step and Isak felt genuine gratitude for her.

 

Tuesday was nearly over and no word from Even but he did get a call from Chris.

 

“How’s your new man?”  Chris greeted him.

 

“I-he’s good, okay?”  Isak replied, giving up on pretending with Chris.

 

“I knew it!  I knew you’d steal him from his girl.”  Chris chuckled and Isak huffed, offended.  “It’s what you do.  Eva and Jonas, me and Iben, and now Even and what’s her name.”   


 

“Her name is-Even broke up with her first.” 

 

“Aw look at you, liking someone single.”  Chris teased, hoping that was true.  He knew from his own actions that sometimes people say they dumped their partner to be with someone but they didn’t.  

 

“Shut up.  Is that all?  You just wanted to find out that I moved on.”   Isak rolled his eyes, laying back on his bed.

 

“Hey, ever think I’m genuinely checking in because I want you to be happy?”  

 

“Are you?”

 

“Yeah.  One day you’ll realize I have good intentions for you.”  Chris’ voice was soft, sweet, and genuine.  He knew he couldn’t be what Isak needed and if Isak could find that person, he wanted that for him.

 

“Thanks Chris.”  Isak whispered, smiling.

 

“Anytime babe.”  The nickname didn’t affect him the way it used to because he didn’t like Chris anymore.  He only wanted Even.  Still, it touched him how much Chris really did seem to care.  Maybe his luck was turning around.

 

He finally spoke to Even on Wednesday when Even brought him into the locker room so they could be alone.  His heart was pounding, anxious about why Even had stayed away for so long.  Was Even too good to be true?

 

“I’m sorry I’ve been hard to reach.  My parents found out I broke up with Sonja and it was…it was drama.”  Even explained, taking Isak’s hands in his.

 

“Drama?”  Isak questioned but his eyes stayed on their entertained hands.  Even liked him.

 

“Sonja told them because she thinks I’m making a mistake and they love Sonja so they believed her.”  Even sighed, not wanting Isak to know why Sonja and his parents assumed his big decisions were all erratic.  If he had it his way, Isak would never know about his mental illness and they’d stay like this: sweet and falling in love.  

 

“Do they still believe her?”  Isak’s voice was quiet and nervous.  He didn’t want Even’s parents to hate him and blame him for ending a longterm relationship.

 

“I convinced them that it was what I really wanted.”  Even reassured him, kissing him deeply but keeping it short.  Isak wasn’t out to anyone and Even didn’t want to put him in an uncomfortable position.  Isak leaned into the affection, so starved of it for so long.  “Have you mentioned anything to your parents?”

 

“My dad probably wouldn’t mind.”  Isak said after a long silence.  He had his own things he didn’t want to tell Even about too, his messed up family being the first.

 

“Mom would?”  Even asked, not wanting to push.

 

“My mom’s insane.”  Isak said, forcing out a little laugh to hide how serious it was.  What he didn’t know was that one word made Even’s heart fall into his stomach and he had to cover up how much it hurt.

 

“In what way?”  He asked, willing himself to stay calm.  

 

“It’s a completely surreal situation, she thinks the world is about to end and Donald Trump is my uncle.”  Even couldn’t help but cock an eyebrow and smirk at that comment.  “My uncle is not Donald Trump.”

 

“Okay, good.”  Even breathed a sigh of relief playfully but he still wanted to know more about the situation.  Isak had every right to his feelings about his mom, even if they might trigger Even.

 

“It’s none of her concern, we haven’t spoken since I moved out.”

 

“You don’t keep in touch anymore?”

 

“I decided my life would be better without mentally ill people around me.”  Isak thought nothing of the comment because it was how he felt.  His mother had made his life very hard and maybe it wasn’t her fault but that didn’t make it easier on him to grow up like that.  It didn’t make it easy for him to have to take care of his own mother who should be taking care of him first.

 

Even, on the other hand, took the comment to heart.  He was offended, and hurt, but he also understood.  He knew he made his parents life hard and he’d made Sonja’s life difficult too.  Sure, she could be controlling but he had put her through some dark and scary things.  His parents constantly worried about him too, and he didn’t want to put Isak through that.  Isak deserved better than him, he deserved someone normal who didn’t have “episodes.”

 

“Are your parents okay that you’re dating me?  Like instead of Sonja?”  Isak asked, looking up at Even with an innocence that the older boy wished would stay there forever.

 

“They’re happy that I’m happy and they would love you.”  Even took Isak’s face in his hands, staring at him to memorize his beautiful face, and kissed him again.  It was slow and loving, but it was also a goodbye kiss on his end.  He wanted to protect Isak and the best way to do that was to stay away.  The bell rang and he left the younger boy in the locker room.  Isak smiled to himself, so happy and feeling at ease with his emotions.  He liked Even, Even liked him, and they were going to be a real couple.

 

OD was kicking Isak’s butt throughout the week and when he got home Thursday, he fell onto his bed.  He wasn’t too upset though, still riding high from the developments of his relationship with Even.  He sent him a quick text inviting him over.  He didn’t care if Eskild, Noora, or Linn thought it was odd, he wanted to see Even.  

 

Eskild came in moments later and Isak decided to be brave and tell him the truth.  It had started wonderfully, Eskild had been happy for him and grateful that Isak felt comfortable enough to be honest.  However, just like with Sana, Isak had said the wrong thing and got a big lesson.  He had never meant to insult men like Eskild, only wanted to say he wasn’t like that but he’d put his foot into his big mouth and now he was left with a sour feeling and regret.  Eskild had been right, he and the people like him, were far braver than he was.  

 

It was then that he got a text from Even, a text that only added to his pain.  Even didn’t want to see him anymore, he needed time from how fast they were moving.  He didn’t understand how everything could fall apart so damn quickly.

 

Friday came and a party with the boys went along with it.  They were pre gaming and while Jonas, Magnus, and Mahdi were having the time of their lives, Isak was miserable.  All he could do was sit and drink his beer, thinking of Even and hating himself for getting so excited and eager for a boy who shut him down only days later.  He wanted to hate Even but he should’ve known better, he should’ve known because this was always how it went for him.  He fell for a boy who loved a girl and he turned out to be the disposable one.

 

“It’s at Emma’s?”  He heard Magnus say to his friend over the phone and he inwardly sighed.  The boys would want to use him to get in but there was no chance.  Emma hated him and he couldn’t say he blamed her.

 

“You can get us in, Isak!”  Magnus said joyfully as Mahdi and Jonas got excited too.

 

“No, she hates me now.”  He told them regretfully.

 

“Why?”  Jonas asked curiously.  As far as they knew, he and Emma hadn’t had any major events.  They didn’t know about the pre game at his place or how he ditched her to spend the weekend with Even.

 

“I’ve seen your skills, try and talk to her.”  Mahdi encouraged.  The boys kept going on and on, not believing Isak that he had no shot.  Eventually, he gave in and they were off to Emma’s.  Upon arrival, two guys he’d never met before refused to let them in, even Vilde vouching for them didn’t work.  Isak was grateful, maybe they could go somewhere else and he wouldn’t have to face Emma.  That was, until he saw Even looking beautiful and having the time of his life like he didn’t rip out Isak’s heart days ago.  He had to get in.

 

He convinced the two assholes to let them in, promising to come back with Emma to let his friends in.  As he walked through to get to Even, he went past Eva and Chris locked in one of their usual party hooks.  

 

“Isak!”  Eva had opened her eyes slightly at the moment he was walking by and greeted him happily.  “Where’s the boys?”  


 

“Yeah, Isak, where’s your crew?”  Chris added but he was struck by how tired, and sad the younger boy looked.  “You okay?”

 

“Yeah, just looking for Emma.”  He looked around to prove his point, they didn’t need to know Even had dumped him.

 

“Why?  Where’s your-“

 

“I gotta go.”  Isak walked quickly, passing Sana and trying not to look at anyone.  

 

“Let’s follow him.”  Chris muttered to Eva who didn’t quite understand but she knew if Chris was putting something above getting laid, it was important.  

 

Isak finally saw Even but before he could get to him, he was greeted by Emma who was less than thrilled to see him.

 

“Listen, it was shitty of me to bail on Halloween and ignore you the past week.  I’m sorry.”  He managed, meaning it.  He was wrong to lead her on, he knew how shitty that felt and he shouldn’t have done it to her.  He shouldn’t have used her to prove a point to himself.  “But what Sonja told you isn’t true, it’s not like that.  I get if you think I’m an asshole but-“

 

“I do think you’re an asshole.”  Emma’s tone was angry, he’d never heard her like this and he was a little nervous.  “I think you’re an asshole because you let me chase after you even though you’re gay.  It’s 2016, come out of the closet, Isak.”  She practically spat before walking off, past Eva and Chris who both looked furious.

 

“I’m gonna fucking-“

 

“Leave it, Chris.  I’ll take care of it.  What are you going to do?  Punch a first year girl?”  Eva rolled her eyes but planned a venomous speech of her own for Emma.  Isak didn’t hear them though, his ears ringing and his throat dry.  She’d just said that in front of a party of people with no regret, his world was falling apart.  He finally found the strength to look up and there was Even…with Sonja.  Sonja, who was kissing Even while Even let himself be kissed.

 

“Isak.”  He heard Chris behind him but he shoved him away and fought through a sea of people to get free.  “Eva, go after him, and get him to your place.  I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”  Eva didn’t ask questions, she went after Isak as quickly as she could.  She found him with the boys and couldn’t believe her eyes.  He was pushing Mahdi and Jonas was getting him away.

 

“Hey, what the fucks up with you?”  Jonas snapped, but he wasn’t angry.  It reminded Eva of when they’d spoken after she cheated.  He wanted to understand why Isak was acting out and it hurt her to see that expression again. 

 

Isak couldn’t answer, he could only stare at his friends in terror.  He’d just been outed in a group of people, seen the boy he likes kiss his ex, and he’d taken it all out on Mahdi.  He couldn’t face any of them, he had to get out.  Eva began walking quickly to catch up but Vilde stopped her.

 

“Eva, what’s going on?”  Jonas whipped around to look at her too and she paused.

 

“I can’t say but I promise, I’ll take care of him.”  She got away before anyone could stop her and finally found Isak crouched on the ground and softly crying.  “Hey, hey, Isak.  Come on, it’s okay.”  She rubbed his back and he flinched away.

 

“Eva, please, just go.”  He cried. 

 

“No way.  No fucking way am I letting you walk home alone like this.”  She relented, standing up and holding out her hand.  “I’m not leaving you alone Isak.  You’ve let yourself be alone for too long.”  He finally looked up at her, eyed red and wet, face flushed, and mouth slightly open in shock.  He slowly took her hand and got to his feet, and she pulled him into a tight hug.  “You’re not alone, Isak.”  She whispered and he fell into her hold.  

 

Back inside, Chris made his way to Even and Sonja.  They weren’t kissing anymore but they were close, Sonja pressed against Even with a hand on his cheek.

 

“Hey, you Even?”  Chris asked as if this was a casual encounter.

 

“Yeah, why?”  Even turned away from Sonja, not realizing that this was Chris, THE Chris.

 

“I’m Chris, a friend of Isak’s.  Can we talk somewhere?”  Sonja tensed, knowing exactly why Chris wanted to see Even and she felt the need to stop it.

 

“Even and I were-“  


“I’ll bring your boyfriend back, okay?”  He was not going to let this girl prevent him from telling Even off.  

 

“What’s your problem?”  Even didn’t want a lecture from the last guy who hurt Isak and he didn’t need Sonja getting involved.  He stepped away from her to get some space and Chris followed.

 

“You.”  Chris knew Even was taller than him and could probably give him a fair fight but he didn’t care.  “Isak is a sweet kid who’s been jerked around enough, you’ve got to be a pretty huge asshole to-“

 

“Like you?”  Even shot back.  “He told me about you two, you did the same thing.”

 

“No way, buddy.  I never promised Isak I’d be with just him.  I didn’t tell Isak I dumped my girl to be with him and only him.  I only stopped seeing him because I knew he deserved better than that.”  Chris knew he’d hurt Isak badly, but he never promised him a damn thing.  It didn’t make his actions okay, but Even couldn’t compare them.

 

“I was trying to protect him.”

 

“Protect him?”  Chris sighed, maybe he and Even weren’t so different.  It was then that Chris had a very important realization about Isak.  One he knew he couldn’t keep from Even.  “Take it from me, Even.  Isak has had enough people trying to protect him from the truth and the truth is what he actually needs.  It’s what he’s always needed.”  Even looked back at Chris with a sad gaze and Chris caught another emotion in his eyes: fear.  He decided to leave Even alone to tend to Isak at Eva’s.  However, he couldn’t help but get one dig in at the hostess as he made his way to the exit.

 

“You’re Emma, right?”  She nodded with a small smile on her face, knowing who he was and his legacy at Nissen.  “Nice party, but I just wanted to talk to you about what you said to my boy, Isak.  See, that wasn’t cool, especially because you got it all wrong.   The reason he doesn’t want you isn’t because of any label you want to put on him.  The reason he doesn’t like you is because you’re a child who can’t take a hint.”  

 

Emma paled and Chris probably should’ve felt guilty for picking on a girl three years younger than him but he was too pissed to care.  Isak deserved better than all of this, and now, he wanted to be the friend Isak deserved.  When he got to Eva’s, he found her making tea and Isak in her bed, nearly passed out from exhaustion.  

 

“What are you doing here?”  He sat up as Chris entered, Eva right next to him with their tea.

 

“Fuck off and let Eva and I cuddle with you.”  He rolled his eyes but there was only tenderness in his expression as Eva and him got on either side of Isak, tea set on the nightstand.

 

“You guys, I’m not a baby.”  Isak muttered, shoving them away.

 

“We know.  Chris and I just like cuddling.”  Eva shrugged, sweetly kissing Isak’s cheek.  “Do it for us.”  She persuaded.  Isak rolled his eyes and laid back, letting Eva’s head rest on his shoulder and Chris’ arm wrap around him and Eva.

 

“Jonas hates me.”  Isak whispered after a while.  “They all hate me.”  


 

“Isak, I know Jonas damn well.  He could never hate you, he loves you.”  Eva whispered fiercely, wanting Isak to realize how loved he was.  “He’s worried about you.  They all are.  You have to start letting people in, Isak.  You have to start being you.”

 

“Chris, Eva?”  He whispered, sounding like a scared and broken child.  Both of them looked at him, waiting for his words patiently.  “I like Even, the way I liked Jonas and you.”  He gestured to Chris who nodded, expression staying warm and understanding.  “I never liked Emma or Sara.”

 

“Thank you for telling us.”  Eva replied, nearly tearing up at how proud she was of her friend.  It was a big step for him to admit that, especially with Chris so close, but he did it.  All Isak could do was nod as he let his friends hold him.  He was drained but he struggled to sleep.  He’d fall in and out many times during the night, each time thinking of something he’d been through in the last few days.  Eskild’s hurt face, Even’s text, Even kissing Sonja, Emma saying he’s gay, or Eva, Vilde, Mahdi, Magnus, and Jonas’ faces as she shoved Mahdi.  This had been one of the worst nights of his life, he had to start turning things around.  For Jonas, for Mahdi, for Magnus, for Eva, for Chris, for Eskild, and most of all, for himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Not to be needy but please leave comments because this is the chapter I've been dying to write since I started. I planned this from day 1 and I got happier with it every time I planned/wrote it  
> 2\. How's everyone liking season 4? I love it so far, they're laying down so much that's going to unfold later and I am pumped  
> 3\. Next chapter we will stray much further from canon as Even gets honest because of Chris' advice  
> 4\. I chose not to write out the Eskild scene for the reasons i didn't write out the Sana scene last chapter because i wanted the focus to be Isak's feelings rather than the words.


	22. Everything is Harder on Your Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak begins picking up the pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the nice comments on the last chapter, it meant a lot to me!

Isak woke up with a pounding headache and he wished he was hungover from alcohol.  This kind of hangover was all from his emotions.  He heard Eva and Chris downstairs and smelt the familiar smell of Eva’s breakfast.  He sighed, checking his phone to see messages from everyone: Jonas, Magnus, Mahdi, Vilde, Eskild, and his mother.  They ranged from, “where are you?” to “are you okay?” to “have you gone psycho???” (thanks Vilde).  He didn’t respond to anyone, just shoved it aside and went downstairs.

 

“Good morning golden boy.”  Chris greeted with a cheeky but fond smile.  “Your mother and I made you pancakes.”

 

“I made pancakes and never call me that again.”  Eva retorted, rolling her eyes.  She turned her attention to Isak and her smile was warm.  “Hungry?”

 

“A little.”  He wasn’t but he didn’t want to be rude.  He sat down and accepted Eva’s plate of pancakes with a small smile.  

 

“Jonas called me.”  Eva said hesitantly, and Isak’s gaze shot up.  “He’s really worried, if he’s calling me.”

 

“No one called me but no one you know likes me.”  Chris added to lighten the mood but both Eva and Isak rolled their eyes.  “Well, Vilde does but-“

 

“I should go home.”  Isak muttered, standing quickly.

 

“Are you sure?  You can stay here if you like, I’m around until 6, then Noora is coming over.  I think she wants some space from sharing Eskild’s bed.” 

 

“Yeah, I’m sure.”  The mention of Eskild made him uneasy.  He had to make things right there.

 

“I should go too.  I’ll drive you.”  Chris offered and Isak knew there was no sense in arguing.  Both gave Eva a hug goodbye but she lingered longer on Isak, squeezing him and kissing his cheek.  He smiled gratefully at her, and they shared a silent glance that held so much genuine compassion and love, he had to look away.  Eva was giving him more than he felt he deserved.

 

The car ride with Chris was quiet, Isak had so much on his mind and so many people he wanted to make things right with that he couldn’t even speak.

 

“What are you gonna do next?”  Chris asked, as if he could read Isak’s mind.

 

“Talk to Eskild.”  Isak decided.  “I was-I said some fucked up stuff to him about being gay and I feel like shit.”

 

“You were mean to Eskild?  Damn, you are going through some stuff.”  Chris laughed, trying to lighten the mood.  Always trying to lighten the mood for Isak.  “He’ll forgive you.  So will Jonas, so will everyone, and maybe you’ll forgive yourself.”

 

“Maybe.”  Isak muttered.  He wanted to like himself, feel secure and comfortable with who he was.  “What should I do about Even?”  

 

“Tell him to suck your dick.”  Chris joked, and Isak rolled his eyes resting his head on the car window.  “Talk to him, tell him he jerked you around and make him regret it.”

 

“That’s not me.”  

 

“You have no problem being grumpy and snapping at me or anyone else.  You can stand up to him.”  Chris knew after speaking to Even that he wasn’t a bad guy and didn’t want to hurt Isak but he didn’t care.  He cared about Isak standing his ground and fighting for himself.  He didn’t want to watch the younger boy be a willing victim to the world, he wanted him to take charge.

 

“I guess.”  Isak shrugged and sighed when Chris pulled up outside the apartment.

 

“Call me, okay?”  Chris leaned over and squeezed Isak’s shoulder and the younger boy responded with a tight smile before getting out of the car.  When he got inside, he heard Eskild talking to Noora and let out another sigh to prepare himself.  He walked in and both kept chatting until he cleared his throat.

 

“I have to-call Eva.”  Noora lied, leaving quickly to avoid the tension.

 

“I-uh, I’m sorry.”  Isak mumbled, looking at the floor but his trembling voice made Eskild looked at him with sympathy.  “I didn’t mean to put down gay people, I know I did but I didn’t mean to, especially not you, I was wrong.”

 

“Thank you Isak.”  Eskild took a step closer, not liking the physical or emotional gap between them.  

 

“You don’t have to forgive me, I get it if you-“

 

“Hey, no need for that.  I do forgive you, and I don’t want you to feel bad anymore.”  Eskild knew why Isak said what he said, and that the younger boy wasn’t some homophobe.  He was deeply self-loathing about who he was and Eskild had to feel for him.

 

“Eskild.”  Isak finally looked up at his roommate and he thought he was about to cry.  “I like Even and I don’t know what to do.”

 

“Oh baby Jesus, it’s okay.”  Eskild gently reached out and brushed some of the younger boy’s hair back.  “You’re okay.  It’s scary and new but you’re the same Isak you’ve always been.  The same grumpy kid who doesn’t pay his rent, can’t cook, doesn’t wash his sheets, and is a total sweetheart deep down.”  Isak couldn’t speak, too overwhelmed and emotional to give a solid reply.  He let Eskild hug him and rub his back slowly, allowing himself to feel warm and loved.

 

“He doesn’t like me.  He likes Sonja, his girlfriend.  It’s Chris and Eva all over again, he doesn’t want me.”  Isak muttered as they pulled away and Eskild sighed.

 

“Chris liked you, Isak.”  

 

“Not enough.”

 

“I saw him the night he came to get you at the bar.”  Eskild began.  “It wasn't that he picked you up, that made him a decent human.  The way he looked at you and took care of you, he really liked you and I think that’s why he slept with Eva, as messed up as that sounds.  He didn’t want to get serious and he felt seriously for you, so he ruined it.”

 

“Is that what Even is doing?”

 

“Maybe, maybe not but that doesn’t matter because you are very loved and I want you to realize that.”  Eskild reassured him.  “You know who really loves you, Jonas.  He called Noora to try and get a hold of you because he’s worried about you.”

 

“I pushed Mahdi.”  

 

“I don’t know who that is, Isak, but just do what you did with me.  Say you’re sorry and be so damn innocent looking that no one can stay mad.”  

 

Isak couldn’t sleep throughout the week despite the relief he felt from the kindness of Eva, Chris, and Eskild.  There’s two people’s feelings running through his mind: Jonas and Even.  Jonas had been his friends for years, his best friend, and he had to make it right.  He had to be honest with his best friend or he’d never feel right.  As for Even, he wanted the truth.  He wanted from Even what everyone wanted from him: honesty.

 

He avoided his friends as much as he could, wanting to choose his next move carefully.  The more he stayed away, the less he slept, and the more he snapped at people.  He snapped at Noora for speaking too loudly on the phone at night, blaming her for him not being able to sleep but it wasn’t her fault.  His brain wouldn’t shut off and the emotions he’d been keeping in were spilling out at the wrong people.  

 

On Wednesday, he went to the cafeteria for some lunch.  He hadn’t been eating and he’s going to force himself to scarf something down.  He heard a familiar deep voice, and his head whipped up but it wasn’t Even.  He breathed a sigh of relief, bought his sandwich, and turned around, and THERE was Even.  He hated the universe.

 

“Hi.”  

 

“Hi.”

 

They stared at each other, so much tension and unspoken feelings.  Isak wanted to shoot off at the mouth and tell Even everything he was feeling.  Even wanted to apologize and tell Isak all of his feelings but what he came up with was,

 

“No cardamom?”  

 

“Cardamom.”  Isak imitated his voice from weeks ago, letting out a huff of a laugh.  Even smiled, smiled so sweetly and fondly at Isak and he couldn’t take it.  He had to get away from him.

 

“I-uh-“  Even started, ready to explain.

 

“I gotta go.”  Isak brushed past him but Even was not going to let that happen.  He walked quickly after him.

 

“Isak, please, I really need to talk to you.  I’m sorry.”  He tried not to call after him too loudly, not wanting to make a scene and get more people gossiping about them.

 

“Why did you do do it?”  Isak turned and spoke softly, because his voice would break and he’d start crying if he was any louder.

 

“I didn’t want to hurt you-

 

“You did hurt me.”  Isak was taking Chris’ advice and standing firm.

 

“I know.”  Even nodded, fidgeting some and briefly looking away to compose himself.  He was ready to tell Isak the truth.  “I’m bipolar and when you told me about your mom, I knew I’d only make your life harder if I was in it.  I went back to Sonja because it’s safe and she knows everything about me but I ended it again.  I want to be with you, only you, I just don’t want to hurt you.”

 

Isak said nothing, he just tried to process everything Even had told him.  Even had a mental illness, Even wasn’t with Sonja, Even wanted him, Even, Even, Even.  He didn’t trust himself to respond, he’d only put his foot in his mouth and make things worse.

 

“I have to go.”  Isak muttered but he knew better than to leave it at that.  “Thank you for telling me the truth, I just need to think.” 

 

“Take your time.”  Even replied, knowing he couldn’t ask more of Isak.  He had lied and hurt him, they were in this place because of him and Isak deserved time to think.  

Isak went right home after that, not caring about the 10% and needing to be alone.  At first he thought of his own feelings and how he had meant it when he said he didn’t want mentally ill people in his life.  However, Even wasn’t anything like his mother.  Even didn’t send him scary rants, Even didn’t lock all the doors because he believed people were after him, Even was normal to him.  Then again, his mom used to seem normal to him too, she hadn’t always been that way.  Could he take this risk with Even?  

 

Then, he thought of Even’s feelings.  His words about the mentally ill must have really hurt him, he didn’t want to hurt Even.  If he had never said that, he and Even would probably be together still.  He thought of Sonja, Even had maintained a relationship with her for four years, how bad could he be if that was the case?  

 

He needed to take to someone, and while he could turn to Eskild, he knew who he really wanted to talk to: Jonas.  Jonas knew him better than anyone and he’d know exactly what Isak should do and how he should take care of this.

 

After another sleepless night, he went to the nurse’s office.  It had been Eva’s idea, she had been on the phone when he’d snapped at Noora and he explained he couldn’t sleep.  Eva told him the school doctor could help, she was a little nutty but she had helped Vilde and the girls last year.  He trusted Eva more than most people and he was going to try here.

 

“I’m having trouble sleeping lately.”  He began, looking at the ground trying to figure out how to explain his history with sleep.  He normally struggled when he was stressed but it passed after a few days.  This, this was not passing, this had been on and off all year.  “It’s starting to affect school and stuff.”

 

“That’s shitty.”  Doctor Skule replied and he paused because, really?

 

“So, I was thinking if I could get some pills, or something because yeah…even though, my problem isn’t the worst-“

 

“Sleep deprivation is very serious.”  Isak wanted to argue because his mother, and Even, those were real problems.  His needed help but he didn’t think he mattered as much as they did.  The doctor began ranting about car accidents and walking around and how he could end up paralyzed.  He was starting to lose trust in Eva.  “Isak, for how long have you had trouble sleeping?”

 

“It’s been a while really but worse over the last couple of weeks like last night I slept for maybe one hour.”  

 

“Okay, we’ll refer you to BUP then.”

 

‘What does that mean?”  He asked cautiously.  All he wanted was a pill to make it all go away because he knew that was something everyone did for sleep.  

 

“It means that you’ll get to talk to someone who can help sort out some of the thoughts in your head.”

 

“No, I’m not doing any of that.”  No, no, fuck no.  He had a hard enough time talking to his loved ones.  He did not need to have it out with a stranger.  He kept asserting to her that ‘no, I’m not going to do that’ but she kept typing.  “I’m completely serious, I’m not doing something like that.”

 

“Isak, do you like other people?”  She asked him curiously.  She’d seen this before with teenagers, refusal to open up despite how much pain they’re in.  She knew people didn’t always take her seriously but she did care and she wanted Isak to be able to open up without medication.  Medication was not always the answer.

 

“Sure, yeah.”  Then came another rant that went off the rails but Isak got her point.  Everything is harder on your own and she was right.  He knew she was right, he knew that he had felt better when he opened up to Chris and Eva.  He would never forget how Jonas had been there when his dad left and when he moved on, he wouldn’t have made it through without him.  The time had come, to tell Jonas the truth.

 

Friday, he invited him for kebab and, thankfully, he agreed instantly.  They were chatting like normal but Isak had a hard time keeping up, so many thoughts and insecurities running through his head.  Somehow, this was bigger than telling Jonas about his parents because that wasn’t him.  That was a problem he had with another person, this was a problem he had with himself.  A confession about him and feelings he was trying to accept.

 

“You know that thing about me being a little weird lately?”  Jonas nodded but said nothing, he was ready to listen.  “It’s because of the person I like.”

 

“Emma?”

 

“No, not Emma.”  He couldn’t say it, he couldn’t.  “Take a guess.”

 

“A guess?”  Jonas wanted ready for Isak to open up, not play a game.  “I can’t guess.”

 

“Try.”  Isak pressed, afraid to say it.

 

“Vilde?”  Jonas knew Isak.  He knew it wasn’t Vilde and he also knew that the mere suggestion would horrify his best friend and put him at ease.  

 

“Vilde?!  Who do you think I am?  Vilde?!”  

 

“I don’t fucking know, tell me then.”

 

“I’ll give you a hint.  It’s not a girl.”  Jonas kept eating his kebab and thought about it.  He wasn’t surprised, he was relieved if anything.  He knew something had been up with him and Chris and this was Isak finally being honest.

 

“Is it me?”  He knew it wasn’t him now, but if he thought about the past, it was possible.  He also knew the suggestion would also put Isak at ease.

 

“No!  You?!”  Isak laughed, even though it had been true at one point.  Now, that was a distant memory and while he did love Jonas, it was because he was the best friend he’d ever had.  The best friend who wasn’t running from him over him liking a boy, who was guessing, and being relaxed with him.  Nothing had changed, Jonas was still Jonas and Isak was still Isak.  They were laughing, they were good.

 

“Is it Chris?”  Isak paused, he’d never thought Jonas caught on to that and again, the guess was behind the times.

 

“Not anymore but…yeah.”  Jonas nodded, they would get to that later.

 

“It is that guy from Vilde’s revue group?”  He finally got to and Isak nodded.  “What’s his name?”

 

“Even.”

 

“Good looking guy though.  Better than Chris.”  Isak laughed and rolled his eyes.  “What’s the thing between the two of you?”

 

“I’m not actually sure, I don’t understand shit because he’s a real back and forth kind of guy.  He had a girlfriend and…he’s bipolar.”  Jonas took all of it in and they both heard a phone vibrate.  It was Jonas’ and he briefly took a call while Isak felt something on his phone, paper.  It was a drawing from Even, another two panel cartoon.  The first was Isak eating a cheese toastie alone, the second was them eating together with cardamom.  

 

“What’s that?”  Jonas asked as he hung up his phone.

 

“A drawing from Even.”  Jonas raised his eyebrows and smiled some, maybe this guy did like Isak.  Jonas loved Isak regardless, and he wanted him to be with someone who appreciated him, not played him.  

 

“He definitley broke up with his girlfriend, right?”  Jonas asked and Isak nodded, looking at the drawing with a smile.  “You should talk to him…actually, you should talk to Magnus.”

 

“Magnus?”  Isak’s eyes snapped up.

 

“Just, trust me, you should talk about this with Magnus.”  Isak shook his head.  “Him and Mahdi are worried about you, and I know Mags will have an insight on this.”

 

“Magnus?!”  His voice was higher this time because Magnus’ insights were hardly sensitive in his experience.

 

“Isak, trust me bro.”  Jonas asserted and Isak sighed in defeat.  He didn’t trust anyone more than Jonas, so, he was talking to Magnus.  “Now, please tell me about you and Penetrator Chris because…Penetrator Chris?!”  He questioned in the same voice that Isak had said ‘Magnus and Vilde?!’ and Isak chuckled, ready to let his friend in on his big secret from first year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Eva and Chris oddly becoming like Isak's mom and dad just happened and I couldn't stop it  
> 2\. "I don't know who that is, Isak." is my favorite line of this chapter  
> 3\. Eskild lowkey ships Chris and Isak while Jonas is team Evak  
> 4\. I figured Even would be quicker to let Isak in here and give Isak time to think of it. He wants Isak to be protected before anything else which can be a great thing but also (as we're seeing in season 4 a bit rn) cause Isak to feel shut out. He learned the lesson here from Chris but they're not out of the woods yet.


	23. Not Crazy, Just Bipolar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak starts to take chances

Isak was in biology having a typical debate with Sana but he was enjoying it.  He liked being challenged by Sana in his subject because it gave him a chance to get even better at it.  He was also happy to talk about something other than himself.

 

That was, until his phone buzzed and he caught Sana glancing at it.  She instantly looked away, embarrassed for reading his personal business, only doing so because the message was from Vilde.  The message made her think though about her past conversation with Isak about homosexuality.  If what Vilde was asking was true, she’d gone too far in trying to debate with Isak and she had to make it right.

 

_I hope you don’t find this rude, but is it true you’re gay?_

 

Once class was out, he replied.

 

_Where did you hear that?  
_

 

_It was someone saying that you and that Even guy from third year had a thing?  
_

 

_Who said it?_

 

_Someone in first year who’d heard it from Emma who knows his girlfriend.  Sorry if it’s not true but it’s really cool if you are.  I love gays!  I can tell people it’s not, like you told me.  
_

 

He didn't reply anymore.  It was out, and he wasn’t going to stop it; he was going to take control of it.  First, he approached Eva.

 

“Tell Vilde not to say anything, at all.”  Eva looked at him in confusion.  “Tell her, I’m going to handle it.”

 

“Isak, I have no idea what you mean.”  

 

“It’s time for me to start being honest, Eva.”  She smiled, hoping he meant what she thought he meant.  That he was going to come out and be proud.  She knew it wasn’t that easy but she wanted that so badly for him.

 

“Good for you.”  She squeezed his shoulder and walked off, a proud smile on her face.  He sent a text to Jonas saying that tomorrow, he wanted to get all the boys together to tell them the truth. 

 

When the time came, Magnus and Mahdi were listening to music in a mostly empty classroom and Isak took a deep breath before sitting down.  He found strength knowing that Jonas was right next to him, and would have his back no matter how this went down.

 

“Isak said he’ll be hosting a pregame on Friday.’  Jonas started to break the ice for his best friend.

 

“I am with you, man.  I’m in!”  Magnus just wanted to party and as long as Isak was chill, he was too.  Mahdi, he said nothing, still concerned over how he and Isak had left things.

 

“I’m not going to get violent again.”  Isak told him gently, picking up on the tension.  Mahdi smiled instantly, that was all he needed.   He didn’t want to fight Isak, he just wanted them to be friends.

 

“Oh!  Did you hear the rumour that you guy’s fought at Emma’s party because Isak is gay?”

 

“What?  No.”  Mahdi replied, rolling his eyes over the stupidity of the rumour

 

“Yup, it’s hilarious.  Haven’t your heard?”

 

They kept going back and forth while Jonas and Isak spoke through glances.  Jonas’ said ‘it’s time, I’ve got you but so do they.’ and Isak’s said ‘I’m terrified, but it’s time.’  He took relief that Mahdi was upset over people thinking he was a homophobe.  

 

Once they were done with their banter, Magnus and Mahdi noticed how serious Jonas and Isak were.  

 

“Uh guys, do you remember when we were watching those girls dance?”

 

“Bro, every time I close my eyes I see those girls.  Fuck, they were hot.”

 

“Yeah, but do you remember that a guy came up to us?”

 

“That gay guy?”  Magnus replied simply.  

 

“Why do you think he’s gay?”  How did they know that about Even?  Did the rumours already get to them?

 

“You’re the one who said he was gay.”  Isak caught on: the guy he’d taken his issues out on.

 

“No, no!  Not him, I’m talking about the other guy who came over.”  He clarified.  “The guy who said I’d forgotten my hat in the cafeteria.”

 

“Yeah, I think I remember him.”  Mahdi confirmed.  “What about him?’

 

“We’ve had a thing.”  Isak got out and looked at Magnus and Mahdi, desperate for a read on it.  

 

“A thing?”  Magnus questioned, smiling some.  “Are you gay?”

 

“I’m not gay.”  He fought back instantly, and then shook his head.  He had to be honest.  “Maybe I’m a little gay, but it’s not as though I’m keep on you guys.  It’s not as though I’m keen on all guys all the time.”

 

“But…you hook up with a chick every weekend?”  Magnus was mostly trying to wrap his head around this.  He had no issue with gay guys, but how could Isak be gay?

 

“Maybe he’s pansexual.”  Mahdi replied easily.  This led to a small debate on pansexuality and bisexuality that Isak couldn’t follow.  He was trying to process every thing.  His three best friends didn’t hate him, they had a lot of questions, but they weren’t leaving him.

 

“Pansexual, bisexual, gay or not.  He said he’ll host Friday.”  Jonas cut in, settling this.

 

“Sweet.”

 

“Maybe we’ll get some chicks for once, seeing as you suddenly became a fag.”  Magnus joked and Mahdi looked at him in annoyance while Jonas and Isak smirked.  Jonas knew Isak could defend himself, and he was already amused at how he would do so.

 

“Doesn’t mean you’ve got any more game, though.”

 

After class, Isak pulled Magnus aside to talk to him like Jonas suggested.

 

“Can we talk?”  Isak questioned and Magnus’ eyes bugged out in fear.

 

“I’m sorry about the fag thing.  Was that not okay?  I just-I mean people say that word but like if you don’t want me to I won’t-“

 

“Mags, shut up.”  Isak sighed, gathering his words.  “Even is bipolar, and Jonas told me I should tell you that.  Do you know why?”

 

“He is?  No way, cool.  Well not, cool, just like interesting.  My mom is bipolar.”  Magnus rambled and Isak was taken aback.

 

“Your mom is crazy?” 

 

“She’s not crazy, she’s bipolar.”  Magnus wasn’t phased by Isak’s words.  He’d heard far worse and he knew the truth about his mother.  “Do you like not like him anymore cause he’s bipolar?”

 

“No, I just-I don’t think I can handle that.”  Isak admitted, looking down.  “Something’s wrong with my mom, I don’t know what but being with her was really hard.  I’m not sure if I want to date someone who’s mentally ill.”

 

“I mean, if you can’t handle it, then don’t because that’s not fair to Even or yourself.”  Magnus replied and Isak nodded, he’d never heard Magnus sound so mature and intelligent.  “But, you should talk to Even first and try to understand it.  Not every bipolar person is the same, and if you really like him, you should give it a fair shot.  He’s not braindead, he’s not crazy, he’s just bipolar.”  Magnus gave Isak a meaningful look and there was an intensity that he never would’ve predicted.  

 

Something hit Isak hard: not all mentally ill people are the same.  The same way he and Eskild both liked boys but they were different people. 

 

_“That’s kind of a superficial generalization to make.”_

 

He heard Even’s voice now echoing that.  Not all gay people were the same, and not all mentally ill people were either.  Even wasn’t his mom, he was Even.  The same Even he wanted to talk to immediately.

 

_Thanks for the drawing, how did you manage to get it into my locker?  Can we talk?_

 

Even didn’t reply though but Isak tried not to let it affect him too much.  It upset him though, but, as if he had an alarm in his head, Chris called him.

 

“How’s my son doing?”  Isak almost hung up on him.

 

“Don’t call me that, you’ve touched my dick.”  

 

“Wow.”  Chris cracked up.  “Damn, you’re fun now that you’ve admitted you like boys.”

 

“I’m fine by the way.  I made up with Eskild, told Jonas and the guys the truth-“

 

“Jonas?  Did you tell Jonas about me?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And?  Does he want to kick my ass all over again?”

 

“He said I could’ve done better.”  Jonas had also said he was grateful that Chris had been there for Isak and he actually didn’t hate him so much now.  However, Isak didn’t want to tell Chris that, it was too fun teasing him.

 

“Speaking of, how’s Even?”

 

“I don’t-I don’t know.”  Isak huffed.  “Things are weird but he said he wants to be with me and I do want to be with him.”

 

“Then be with him.”  Chris sighed, as if it was the most simple thing in the universe.

 

“What?”

 

“Track him down, talk to him, and be with him.”  Chris knew Isak needed a push to take action at times or he’d sit on the sidelines forever.  Isak felt a rush of gratitude for Chris and the way he pushed him to take risks.  

 

“Hey Chris, thanks for being there for me.”  Because it was about time he said it out loud.

 

“Aw golden boy, you like me.”

 

“I am your son.”

 

“Don’t say that, I’ve touched your dick.”

 

Isak got another two panel drawing from Even in his locker.  It was Isak’s unanswered text to Even next to what Even would’ve replied with.  It also said that he missed Isak.  Isak smiled to himself and put the drawing in his bag to take home and put with all the others.  Still though, he was sick of Even sending drawings and no real conversation between them.  Chris was right, they needed to talk but he had the pregame with the boys and he would not bail this time.  

 

The boys and him were drinking in the Kollectivet kitchen, but Isak wasn’t all there.  While they talked girls, rappers, and beer, Isak thought of Even.  What was he doing?  Was he also thinking about Isak?

 

“What’s up man?”  Jonas questioned, noticing Isak’s mood.  

 

“Nothing, I guess.”  Isak shrugged, wishing he could be distracted and drunk. 

 

“Nothing?”  Jonas wasn’t buying it and he wasn’t having any more lies.  “Anything new with that guy Even, or what?”

 

“Well, I got a new drawing and-“

 

“And he talked to yours truly, I set him straight.”  Magnus interrupted with a grin, leaning back in his chair.

 

“You, why you?”  Mahdi asked, furrowing his brow.

 

“Because I’m sensitive.”  Mahdi rolled his eyes and looked to Isak in confusion.

 

“Anyway, what’s his deal with the drawings?” Jonas cut in, getting to the point.

 

“I don’t know, I guess it’s better than nothing.”

 

“I have a question, I’m sorry if this is rude but when gay guys have sex, who is the man and who is the woman?”  Jonas and Mahdi rolled their eyes, feeling second-hand embarrassment towards Magnus, but Isak smirked.

 

“Funny you should ask, because I was going to ask you the same thing for when you have sex, who is the man and who is the woman, but then I remembered you don’t have sex.”  Isak shot back, proud of himself while Jonas and Mahdi cracked up.

 

“Okay, okay, seriously.  I feel like you’re letting him play you, kinda.”  Jonas said, getting back to the point.  


“Play me?”  

 

“That like, he gets you going and nothing happens.”

 

“Yeah but I can’t control what he does.”  Isak shrugged, he can’t change Even.

 

“Yes you can.  Completely straight up, send him a text, and say ‘hey dude, stop what you’re doing!’”  

 

“Hey dude, stop what you’re doing?”  Isak mocked, rolling his eyes.  “That’s not me.”

 

“Okay but be like ‘stop sending me drawings, talk to me for real’.  Straight up.”  Jonas knew Isak forgave easily because he didn’t have the highest opinion of himself.  He didn’t believe he deserved good things and he couldn’t let Isak keep living like that.  Like Chris, Jonas wanted Isak to take charge and not be a victim of circumstance.  

 

“And if he’s interested, he’s going to get stressed out.  We’ve all been there.”  The boys began talking about their own experiences but Isak pulled out his phone to text Even.  It took some thought but what came out was,

 

_Thanks for the drawings but if you’re not interested in something more, you can just let it be.  Call me when you’re ready for a real conversation._

 

“I did, I sent the text.”  The boys all looked to him with pride and disbelief.  They celebrated, clinking their beer cans together and Isak felt pride in himself.  He had stood up for himself, and it felt amazing.  His phone buzzed.

 

_What are you doing now?  Can we talk?_

 

“Is it him?”  Magnus asked and Isak read the text out loud.

 

“What should I reply?”

 

“Call him.”

 

“No, don’t call him.”  Jonas cut in, shaking his head.  “Write, uh, chilling at home.”

 

“Chilling at home, just call.”

 

“No!”  Jonas asserted, Isak was never going to get a man like this.  “You want him to call, but like, you have to write it as though you don’t want that.  Just write, chilling at home, and done.”

 

“Chilling at home, smiley?”  

 

“No, chilling at home.  Done, no feelings, straight up.”  Isak sent it and Jonas looked proud again.  “He’s going to call.”  He looked so confident and Isak hoped he was right.  Suddenly, all the boys were watching Isak’s phone like they all had a thing with Even too.  

 

“Check if there’s a bubble, if he’s writing something.”  Magnus suggested.

 

“No bubble.”  Isak shook his head and put his phone down.  “He’s not going to answer, that’s just the way he is.”  He was pretending it was okay but he hated it.  He hated how on and off Even could be.

 

“Maybe he’s at a place where he’s unable to talk.”  Mahdi offered gently.

 

“Maybe.”  Isak didn’t believe it.  The topic of conversation changed to the quality of the beer and Isak was relieved.  Just because he couldn’t get his mind off Even didn’t mean the boys should suffer too.  He kept looking at his phone, willing for Even to contact him.  The doorbell rang and he sighed, it was definitely Eskild forgetting his keys.

 

“What’s up?  Did you invite someone?”  Mahdi asked.

 

“No, you’re the only friends I got.”  Isak replied and the boys laughed.  He checked out the window and saw Even standing there.  His heart began beating double time and it was like time had stopped.  Even didn’t call because he came over.  Even cared.  “It’s Even.”

 

The boys began celebrating and looking to each other and Isak with delight.  Their plan had worked and Isak had a boy who actually did want him back.

 

“Seriously?  He’s here?”  

 

“I’m not fucking around, it’s Even.”  Isak was truly grateful for his friends and their perfect plan but now he needed them gone.

 

“Let’s meet Even you guys!”  Magnus said and Mahdi and Jonas agreed happily but Isak was not going to let that happen.  He needed Even alone.  He spent the next few minutes kicking his only friends out no mater what they said.  Meet Even?  You guys are crazy.  Pregame?  Go outside.  Where are my shoes?  Don’t care, get out.

 

Once they were out, Isak took a few deep breaths and headed towards the door.  He opened it to find Even looking suave and gorgeous.  He felt so small and nervous but he reminded himself that Even came to him, he had the power here.  He thought of Jonas and Chris and their words of encouragement, he could do this.

 

“Hey.”  He said and Even smiled at him, reducing Isak to a weak and hopeless teenage boy.

 

“Hey.”  Even replied, raising his eyebrows.  Neither spoke for a few moments and just as Even was about to say they should talk, Isak’s lips were on his.  Isak knew they should talk but he was a bit tipsy and craving Even.  They could talk after this, after hungry kisses and ripping each other’s shirts off.  Even’s lips were making their way down Isak’s chest and now, oh god, he was on his knees.

 

Isak didn’t last long; he was 17 and had been separated from the guy he likes for nearly three weeks.

 

“I-um, I can do you too.”  He wanted to slap himself for how inexperienced he sounded.  Even didn’t seem to mind as he shook his head and placed a hand on Isak’s face.

 

“No, it’s-maybe we should talk.”  He suggested, taking a few deep breaths.  

 

“In the morning.”  Isak shook his head and pulled Even close again.  He kissed him slowly and deeply, the rush gone but the need still there.  They laid down on his bed and kissed, but not like they had last time.  There was a desire to make up for lost time in both of them.  It would’ve been smart to talk then and there but neither was interested in smart, just each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Even and Isak ARE going to take next chapter, they're going to be more open here. That said, shit is still gonna do down between them like in canon but the after will be different.  
> 2\. The boys pregaming when Even shows up is one of my favorite Skam scenes of all time so I hope i did it justice  
> 3\. I'm also very happy with the love that has developed between Chris and Isak here. They're not in love but their bond is deep and real  
> 4\. Let me know what you think :)


	24. The Man of My Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heaven turns to hell

Isak awoke the next morning to an empty bed, no drawing, and no messages from Even.  Just one from his dad about a Christmas concert that he could not care less about.  He felt sick, how could this happen again?  He let Even in once more and he’d been abandoned.  He sighed, getting out of bed and throwing on a shirt.  Just as he was thinking of a scathing text to send the older boy, he heard him in the kitchen with Noora and Eskild.  He walked slowly, not wanting to get his hopes up, but the closer he got, the more relieved he was.  Even was there, making breakfast and talking to Noora and Eskild.  

 

He stayed, he cared.

 

“Hi!  Good morning!”  Even exclaimed when he saw Isak, kissing him quickly and sweetly.  Isak could barely react, standing there dumbly while Noora and Eskild gave him encouraging and happy looks over Even’s shoulder.

 

“Should we go change for yoga?”  Noora made up, knowing Isak would want space and privacy.  She wasn’t close to him like Eva or Eskild, but she knew he was a pretty private person and coming out was not easy for him.  If he wanted alone time, she’d give it to him.

 

“You take yoga?”  Even asked them curiously.

 

“No we don’t-“  Eskild started but Noora shut him up, trying to subtly tilt her head to Isak.  “Oh that kind of yoga.  Yes, I’d forgotten, we’re doing yoga now.  We’re doing bathing-yoga.”

 

“Bathing-yoga?”  Even asked, clearly intrigued by their lying.  Noora glanced up at Even with a smile, and then looked to Isak.  She was impressed he’d landed such a handsome guy.  She wished him better luck in romance than she was having.  

 

“Yes, so we have to leave.”  Noora eventually got Eskild out and Isak was relived yet nervous to be alone with Even.  He was pleased he was still there, but they had a lot to discuss.

 

“I didn’t know what you liked so I made everything.  What movie?”  Even asked, but Isak did not get the reference.  Instead of explaining, he offered the younger boy some of their eggs, blowing on them so they wouldn’t be too hot.  He knew he’d hurt Isak before and he wanted to show him that he was serious about this.

 

“When I woke up, I thought you’d left.”  Isak admitted.  It would be too easy to not talk and get lost in Even’s beautiful face and the single curl falling over his forehead but he couldn’t do that.  He couldn’t let all the questions he had go.

 

“Hey.”  Even murmured, moving closer to Isak and taking his hands.  “I was just here cooking, and chatting with your friends.”  He understood, he did, Isak didn’t fully trust him yet but he would prove himself.  He went back to cooking and Isak prepared his next question.

 

“You and Sonja are really over?”

 

“Fuck Sonja.  Yes, we are over.”  Even tried not to sound angry as he didn’t want Isak to think it had anything to do with him but he was sick of Sonja questions.  His parents had been bugging him about Isak and Sonja for days and he was this close to making a shirt that read “I only like Isak” on it to settle the debate.

 

“Yeah, well, the last time you said it was over, you were hooking up with her days later.”  Isak wasn’t going to hide his feelings anymore.  He had to let Even know everything he was feeling or it wouldn’t work.  Like Jonas said, straight up.  “It’s not easy for me not to give a fuck about her, Even.”

 

“No, but, the thing you’ve got to understand with Sonja is that it’s all about control.”  He began, wanting Isak to know the truth too.  He didn’t want another relationship like that, he was sick of being monitored and controlled.  “Sometimes I feel as though she knows me better than I do myself, because everything she says is true and that’s what I’m so tired of.  She can’t feel what I feel, or think, for that matter.”  He looked to Isak to see how he was reacting.

 

“Only you can feel what you feel.”  Isak knew that all too well from experience.  Even moved closer to Isak, relieved at his words and wanting him more than ever.

 

“And I’ve never felt anything, quite like this, ever.”  He declared, holding the younger boy’s hands again and keeping their faces close together. 

 

“Neither have I.”  Isak whispered, overwhelmed by Even and trying not to let it show too much.  They kissed, not as urgently as the previous night but the passion was still there.  There was just one more thing to discuss.  Isak went in for another kiss, but Even moved, knowing they had to settle this last part, even if it was his least favourite topic.

 

“I’m still bipolar, Isak, and-“

 

“You’re not my mom.”  Isak cut him off, still holding Even’s hands.  “I was thinking about what you said about how not all gay people are the same and I figured, not all people who are mentally ill are either.  I hope that’s okay to say, I’m trying to-“

 

“It’s okay to say.”  Even smiled, nudging his nose against Isak’s.  “I’m doing better lately though, I don’t want you to be scared of me or what I might do.”

 

“I’m not.”  Isak promised and they spent a beat looking at each other and having a mental conversation.  One that said “I’m in, I’m all in.”  They shared another kiss, this time it was slow and sweet like they were cherishing one another.  Even pulled away again though, when a familiar song came on the radio.

 

“This song, though!”  He said excitedly and Isak stared at him in confusion.  He wanted kisses, not crappy pop music.  “Gabrielle?”  The older boy turned up the radio and started bopping his head to the beat, as Isak continued to look confused.

 

“Jesus Christ, this is a hashtag, what the fuck?”  Isak muttered wanting to sound annoyed but he couldn’t help but smile too.

 

“What is?”  Even questioned.

 

“When you’ve found the man of your dreams, and it turns out he likes Gabrielle.”  Isak quoted, not fully realizing what he was saying.

 

“I’m the man of your dreams?”  Even asked in amusement, looking around playfully to make sure no other men were there.  “Is that me you’re talking about?”

 

“That’s how the hashtag goes.”  Isak whined, embarrassed for making such a huge declaration.  However, it was true.  Even was turning out to be all he’d never allowed himself to want.  He wanted it now though, he would allow himself to be happy.

 

“No, excuse me.  You said I’m the man of your dreams!”  Even persisted, kissing Isak quickly as the song reached it’s pre-chorus.  “Say it again.”  Even wasn’t as secure as Isak thought he was, he just as badly needed to hear that Isak wanted him back.  Even if it was masked as silliness now, hearing Isak say he was the man of his dreams made his heart swell.  He needed to hear that again, to hear Isak wanted him back just as much.

 

“Hm?”  Isak felt drunk, drunk on Even’s lips and hands.

 

“Say it again.“  Even whispered, his lips so close yet so far from Isak’s.

 

“You’re the man of my dreams.”  Isak whispered, tilting his head for another kiss.  There was a confidence to his words now because he didn’t need to hold back.  He wanted Even and Even wanted him, straight up.  Just as they got into their kissing again, Even pulled away to playfully nuzzle Isak’s nose and try to get him to dance.  “It’s shit.”  The younger boy insisted, refusing to give in to this, he just wanted to keep kissing.  He enjoyed what a dork Even was though, previously convinced he was cool and out of Isak’s league.  He wanted silly Even just as much as suave Even; he wanted every Even.

 

Those thoughts went out the window as Even took his face and began stroking it gently, slowly.  Isak’s nerves suddenly on fire from the teasing and how Even was just close enough but not all there.  Even kept ghosting his lips around Isak’s, ultimately beginning to sing to him as Isak kept his head titled up, waiting for the older boy to just kiss him already.  As the chorus began again, he’d had enough and finally pulled Even into another kiss and eventually, he stopped singing and the song was forgotten about.

 

They spent the rest of the weekend wrapped in each other completely.  They got to know each other more emotionally and physically, Isak feeling the lust and passion he’d denied himself since Chris.  Hell, even with Chris, he had never felt this need that he did.  He had put Chris on too high of a pedestal to feel like he deserved this but Even and him had more equal footing now.  They had a natural connection that Isak couldn’t explain just yet.

 

“Do you still have feelings for him?”  Even murmured Sunday evening, staying over yet again.  “Chris, I mean.”  Isak had just finished sharing more about that relationship so it was understandable that Even would ask.

 

“No.”  Isak shook his head.  “He’s one of my best friends now, though.  He’s always encouraged me to be, honest, you know?  With myself, and others.”

 

“That’s good.”  Even had to admit, it made him a bit jealous to know Isak was so close to his ex but he kept reminding himself that he was the one in Isak’s bed now.  “He told me to be honest with you.”

 

“Yeah, he’s all about that.”  Isak chuckled.  “I’m glad you listened, I’m glad you’re here with me.”  He added, not wanting to talk about Chris anymore.

 

“I’m glad too.  I’m the man of your dreams after all.”  Even replied with a teasing smirk and laughed when Isak hit him with a pillow.

 

By Tuesday, Isak was screwed school-wise.  He had spent so much time with Even that he’d forgotten his biology homework.  As he raced to get it done before class, his phone went off and he instantly checked, hoping it was Even.  He didn’t mind the distraction if it was, but, it was his father.

 

_Isak!  That’s it!  I have tried getting a hold of you for days.  I know you’re mad at me, and you think I’m a coward for leaving mom but I could not help her.  I’m trying to help her now, one day you’ll understand.  It’s difficult but I’m doing my best._

 

Isak rolled his eyes, but went through his texts and saw that he had been ignoring his father.  He didn’t do that as much now that his dad helped with rent money and what not but he also only really spoke to him for that.  He was just ignoring everything that wasn’t Even lately.  He was reminded of when Eva and Jonas were first dating and he didn’t hear from either of them for a week.  

 

_Fine.  I’ll come with you to that Christmas concert.  I’m bringing my new boyfriend, his name is Even.  That’s a boy’s name._

 

He didn’t think he’d need to ask Even first.  Even and him were the real deal now, didn’t boyfriends meet each other’s families?  When he got his dad’s reply, it hit him, he had just come out to his father.

 

_ I don’t understand if you’re joking right now?  If you’ve gotten a boyfriend then that’s very nice Isak, and I would love to meet him but you know how mommy is, she gets very easily stressed. _

 

Isak wanted to write back, “now she has an illness that everyone is covering up for.”  Instead, he just wrote back,

 

_Whatever_

 

He would be at that concert with Even, and he didn’t care what anyone thought.  He had great friends and roommates who didn’t give a damn that he had a boyfriend and liked him just the same.  He wouldn’t hide this and they couldn’t ruin it for him.

 

“Hi.”  Sana greeted him, sitting down and Isak greeted her back but instantly went back to working.  He had to get this done.  “Forgot to do the assignment?”

 

“Yeah.”  He admitted, barely looking up.

 

“Did you see the link I sent you?”  Sana had done some research on homosexuality and religion as well as evolution.  She was not homophobic and she didn’t want Isak to think she was.  Sure, he bugged her, but they were friends in her eyes and she’d never want to hurt him like that.  She knew firsthand how painful it was to be generalized for who you are, and the idea of doing that to another person made her stomach churn with regret.

 

“No, what was it?”

 

“Just some research done on the theory of evolution and homosexuality.”  Isak finally looked at her but only for a moment, scared she’d say the same thing she said last time.  Sana was religious like his mom, he knew how religious people felt about him.  “I was thinking about the discussion we had a while back and it’s not often that I am wrong, but it turns out I was wrong.”  Isak stopped working and looked at her with less fear.  “Homosexuality has played a natural part in evolution.  They have done a lot of interesting new research.  So, I was wrong.”

 

“What about Islam?  Anything new and exciting there or still the same?”  Sana knew what Isak was doing, he was looking to judge her religion again but she wasn’t going to take the bait.  She wasn’t like that, and instead of arguing, she’d be softer.

 

“Islam says the same as always.  That all people in this world have the same worth and no person should be spoken about behind their back, violated, judged, or mocked.”  She knew there were Muslim people in the world that did bad things, just like there were Christians who did bad things, but they did not represent the overall value she and many more believed to be true.  “So, if you hear anyone use religion as an argument for their hatred, don’t listen.  Hate doesn’t derive from religion, it derives from fear.”  They were cut off by their teacher but Isak gave her a small smile, grateful for her words and for how far she’d gone to admit she was wrong.  It wasn’t often that people did research to say sorry.

 

Isak spent the next two days the way he had the previous three, with Even.  They had tried spending Wednesday apart but it just led to Isak getting weak and telling him to come back.  On Thursday, the boys tried to get him to come out for pizza but he had to study.  He was even going to firm and not invite Even back over.

 

“You can study for the test at home.”  Magnus insisted but Isak shook his head.  In a bed that smells like Even with roommates who keep asking him about Even, he could not.  Even slowly approached the group, unsure if Isak would want him there.  He knew he’d come out to his friends but he also knew coming out was not simple for him.

 

“Guys, this is Even.  Even, this is the-“  The boys began introducing themselves and Isak just let himself call down.  These were three of his best friends, they’d wanted to meet Even, and it was bound to happen sooner or later.

 

“What’s up?”  Even asked the group.

 

“We were gonna get some food but he’s got one more class, so…”  Mahdi explained and Isak looked up at Even who mouthed “sucks” and smirked at him.  Isak flushed, looking down but grinning the whole time.

 

“Oh yeah, you’re Even!”  Magnus announced, suddenly realizing who it was.  Jonas, and Mahdi laughed as the realization dawned while Isak looked at him incredulously.  What other Even’s did they know?  “I had completely forgotten, he’s the guy you threw us out for?”

 

“Yeah you threw us out because of this hottie.”  Mahdi teased and Even tried not to get too excited knowing Isak kicked his friends out for him.

 

“I didn’t throw you out!”  Isak insisted, wanting to look cool.  “They were going to a party.”  


“With you!” Magnus reminded him.  “It was very sudden, like ‘guys get out!  Even’s here!’”  Even couldn’t hold back anymore, looking right at Isak with a sly grin, Isak looked down at his shoes.  

 

“I think it was for the best that you weren’t there.”  Even finally added, hoping Isak wouldn’t mind.  Thankfully, all four guys laughed and Isak even seemed more at ease.

 

“Okay, done, we’re getting pizza.”  Even shook Mahdi and Jonas’ hands one more time while Magnus pulled him into a huge bear hug.  As they headed off, Isak’s phone went off with an unknown number.  It was Sonja.  Before he could even find out why, Even took the phone.

 

“Don’t fucking call Isak.”  He hung up and gave Isak his phone back.

 

“Why did you do that?”  It wasn’t like Isak was excited to talk to Even’s ex but it was strange that Even would do that.

 

“Don’t talk to her.”  Even was not going to let Sonja ruin this.  He was not going to let her take control and take Isak away from him.

 

“What does she want?”

 

“She wants to control you.”  

 

“Control me?  How can she control me?”

 

“Because she doesn’t like people who live freely and are real.”  Isak didn’t seem satisfied with the answer, in fact he seemed more suspicious.  Even couldn’t let this happen, this was all Sonja’s fault.  He and Isak were fine, they were better than fine, and Sonja was just jealous.  He took Isak’s face and kissed him quickly, walking away just as fast but throwing out, “You’re so fucking hot, Isak!”  


 

Isak could barely register what had just happened but he chose to ignore it.  Even and him were good, no need to rock the boat over his ex.  Later on, Even promised him a surprise on Friday if he did well on his test so he was very excited.  He had another weekend to spend with Even, and he knew what he wanted: sex.  They’d done pretty much everything else and he wanted to know what it would feel like.  He got his things together to grab coffee before meeting him when Eva approached him.

 

“How’s the boyfriend?”  She asked as she leaned next to his locker.  To her credit, she asked softly to not attract attention.

 

“Good.  I’m going to meet him at Kaffebrenneriet."

 

“Ooh, a coffee date?”  She teased, nudging her shoulder into his.  “He’s seriously so handsome Isak.  You better watch out for me, I might steal him.”

 

“Very funny.”  He rolled his eyes and shut his locker.  “You have Chris.”

 

“Ugh, don’t remind me.”  She groaned.  ‘Everyone thinks he’s my boyfriend now.  I have such a hard time hooking up with anyone else.”  


 

“Maybe he should be your boyfriend.”  

 

“Hello?  He’s Penetrator Chris.”  She waved her hands at him like he was dazed.

 

“No, Eva, he’s Chris.”  Isak corrected, knowing that she knew how good of a guy he could be.  “He likes you, he wouldn’t still be hooking up with you at high school parties if he didn’t.”

 

“Well then we could double date with you and Even.”  She giggled, imagining the awkwardness of that foursome.  

 

“You’re so funny, Eva.”  He feigned laughter and waved goodbye to her as he went to meet Even.

 

As Isak waited for Even, he took out his phone and began texting his mother.  He hadn’t sent her any correspondence in months but his talk with Sana opened his mind.  He wanted to go to the Christmas concert with Even but it wouldn’t be right to just bring him with no warning.  So, he would come out to her and hope it goes well.

 

_ Hi mom.  I’ve started dating a boy.  I know you believe in God and that the bible says it’s a sin, but you don’t have to be afraid because it also says that God created man in his image and that everyone is of equal worth.  I’m sorry it makes you sad.  Hugs, Isak. _

 

He hit send and turned his phone over, unable to look at the screen.  He wanted to be close to his mother again but first, he needed her to accept him.  There was a lot to be repaired between them and maybe, they could start here.  His phone went off and he instantly checked, but it wasn’t his mom, it was Sonja.

 

_Hi Isak, this is Even’s Sonja.  Can you call me when you are not with Even.  It’s important._

 

Just as he was finished reading, there was a knock at the window and it was Even.  He blew some air on the window, drew a heart and put an “I” in it and Isak didn’t care about Sonja’s text anymore.  She wasn’t Even’s, he was and he was going to enjoy it.

 

“Are you keen on going back to my place?”  Isak asked a bit awkwardly after he had declined kissing Even in public.  He wasn’t there yet but Even kept smiling at him.

 

“No I’m not keen on that.”  

 

“Okay?  What are you keen on doing?”  He asked with a small laugh.  Even had spent the week saying how he loved being at Isak’s, and now he didn’t want to?

 

“I’m keen on checking into a fucking suite.”  

 

That declaration led to the most emotional nine hours of Isak’s life.  

 

It started off wonderfully as Even checked them in and they made the mutual decision to have sex.  It had been intense but incredible and Isak had never felt so wanted or beautiful.  He’d never felt so much in his life and he just wanted more.  More of Even, more of these feelings, and more of their blissful bubble.  As Even kissed down his body and whispered sweet nothings into his ear, Isak felt loved.

 

Afterwards, they stayed cuddled up to each other, like they literally could not stop touching or kissing.  Eventually, Even ordered food and champagne for them as Isak stayed in bed, watching him with the realization that he was falling in love.

 

This was when things started to get strange.  Even began going on and on about their wedding and future.  At first, Isak found it sweet and even exciting that Even wanted to marry him but the more Even rambled, the less Isak could shake the feeling that something was wrong.  He couldn’t pinpoint when or what it was, but something was off in his boyfriend.  Was this what Sonja had been warning him about?

 

Eventually, Even did stop talking and they went back to their bed.  Isak’s concerns melted away as Even touched him so lovingly like the younger boy was the most precious thing he’d ever held.  

 

“How many Isaks and Evens do you think are lying like this right now?”  Even whispered, playing with Isak’s hair.

 

“Infinite.”  

 

“In infinite time?”

 

“Yes.”  They smiled at each other and Isak was about to fall asleep.  He was pretty damn sure he was in love and the person he loved, loved him back.  It gave him a sense of inner peace to know that.

 

“You know the only way to have something for infinite time is by losing it.”  Isak paused, the words cutting through him like the sharpest blade.  

 

“Don't say stuff like that.”  He whispered, nearly crying at the concept.  The words terrified him, he didn’t want to lose Even.  He wanted Even forever.

 

“I’m only joking.”  Even leaned over to run his finger over Isak’s trembling lips, not wanting him to cry.  He never wanted to hurt Isak again, he couldn’t lose him.  He had to make this work, Isak couldn’t realize what was wrong with him.  Isak deserved better than to deal with one of Even’s episodes so he’d hide it from him, he could do that.

 

Even cuddled Isak into a peaceful sleep but he can’t sleep.  He had nothing but energy and ideas and things he wants to be doing.  He wanted to be kissing Isak, making love to Isak, going for a walk in the park with Isak, drawing, going for a run, actually practice playing one of the guitars he has in his room, draw, his universe felt infinite.  Watching Isak sleep was nice but his brain couldn’t shut up enough to enjoy it.  There was too much he could do.

 

“Don’t you ever sleep?”  He heard Isak mumble as he paced their room.  Even smiled and kissed Isak’s cheek, laying himself down next to him.

 

“Not when you’re lying here looking so fucking hot?”  Isak blushed and that satisfied him for a bit.  However, Even’s pacing, the lights going on and off, and the emptiness of the bed grew upsetting again.

 

“Baby, come lie with me.”  He urged, trying to sound just whiny enough to be cute.  

 

“Yeah, I’ll just go out and buy some McDonald’s first.”  Maybe food would help.  Yeah, he’d get him and Isak some more burgers and he’d be all good. 

 

Isak raised his head and the situation got serious.  Even had just left their hotel room, without any clothes on.  He threw himself out of bed, got dressed, and grabbed the older boy’s clothes.  Something was wrong.  He raced down stairs, the concierge from before looking distressed and directing him outside.  Isak pulled out his phone and first, he called Sonja.  This was what she had been warning him about, he needed her help.

 

She agreed to meet him, and he called another person: Chris.

 

“Even’s gone out naked looking for McDonald’s.  Can you please come?  It’ll be easier to find him if I have a car.”  

 

“Okay, I’ll meet you soon.”  Chris agreed, already walking out of his house.  

 

Isak kept frantically searching, knowing it would make it harder to link up with Chris or Sonja but his main concern was Even.  Everything had been so perfect, so blissful between them the last week, this was rocking his world.  He had been naive to think he could have some perfect relationship with anyone, he wasn’t wired that way and his life didn’t work that way.  He supposed one week of happiness was all he deserved.

 

He caught up with Chris first, the older boy pulling over instantly.  

 

“Any luck finding him?”  Isak shook his head and looked down, near tears.  “Hey, golden boy, we’ll find him.  It’ll be okay.”

 

“Everything was so good and now it’s fucked.”  


“Isak, we will find Even and you two will go back to being annoyingly into each other.”  Chris squeezed Isak’s hand and gestured for him to get into the car but that’s when Sonja showed up.

 

“The police have him.”  She said as she put away her phone, side eyeing Chris briefly.  Isak let out a huge breath of relief, some tension leaving his body.  “So, he’s safe at least.”  


 

“What just happened?”  Isak asked.

 

“He’s manic, that’s what’s happening.”  It was wrong of her to lash out at Isak, deep down she knew that, but she was so angry at the situation.  Her boyfriend of four years dumped her for some kid he just met and now said kid was asking her to pick up the pieces after one of his manic episodes.  This kid that gave Even weed, the kid that Even was convinced was perfect and made for him.  He didn’t love him, he was just having another episode.  “Do you think he’s in love with you?  He’s not, it’s a sick idea he’s got right now.  Last year he memorized the Quran in Arabic because at the time he thought that would be a good idea.”

 

“Okay, hey, leave him alone.”  Chris cut in as she was about to go further, taking in Isak’s face.  The younger boy looked heartbroken, like he might cry and throw up at any second.  “I get it, you’re upset your boyfriend dumped you for him but don’t go shitting on their relationship.”

 

“Who are you?”  Sonja snapped, remembering him from the party weeks ago.

 

“I’m someone who knows Isak really well, well enough to know that Even does like him and that they’ve got a good thing even if Even’s got issues.”  Chris retorted and Isak could only stand there, every emotion crashing in on him at once.  “You’re bitter and angry, we get it but leave him alone.  This isn’t his fault and I’m not going to let you convince him that it is.”  He took Isak’s hand, using how numb he’d become to guide him into the car to drive him away.  He knew Isak’s low self-esteem really well and Sonja’s words aligned perfectly with all the deep insecurities he had.

 

“Chris.”  Isak whispered.  Chris looked up and saw Isak had begun crying.   He decided driving could wait, pulling Isak into a tight hug and rubbing his back slowly. 

 

“It’s going to be okay.  I’m gonna take you home, and you’re going to sleep, and you can figure it out in the morning.”  He murmured softly, trying to take some pressure from the blonde.  Isak’s breathing eventually evened out and he let Chris drive him home.  He texted Eskild on the way so he wouldn’t be alone when he got there.  He was touched that Eskild’s reply was immediate, and at least he had some comfort tonight.  Nurse Skule was right, everything is harder on your own and he’s not anymore.  Chris walked him to the door and Eskild was right there to take him to his room.  

 

“Thanks Chris.”  Eskild smiled softly at him.  He saw the same guy from the gay bar nearly 6 months ago.  The guy who was too charming for his own good but truly cared for Isak.  He was grateful that Isak still had him.

 

“Of course.”  He shook his head, not wanting thanks.  It was never a question that he’d show up for Isak.  “Isak, do you want me to-“  


 

“No, I just want to sleep.”  Isak muttered and silently went to his room to lay on the bed.  He heard Eskild and Chris whispering outside and prayed he’d eventually sleep but he didn’t.  He just laid there, sometimes crying, and sometimes not but sleep never came.  How could it when he kept hearing Sonja’s voice in his head?

 

_ Do you think he’s in love with you?  He’s not.  It’s just a sick idea he’s got right now. _

 

Even didn’t love him, he was just some manic episode, and now he was alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. This chapter was extra hard to write after what we learned about Even on Friday. I mean I'd sort of suspected that was the backstory but it was still hard to hear.  
> 2\. I'm always so grateful Isak has Eskild at the end of 3x08 and it was nice to throw Chris in the mix there too.   
> 3\. I hope I did well writing Even's thoughts here, if I misrepresented bipolar disorder, please tell me as I'd never want to offend or spread a harmful stereotype.  
> 4\. I'm considering keeping this going ino season four but I need to figure out how to work Chris in. If you have ideas, let me know :)  
> 5\. Let me know any other thoughts beyond #3 and #4.


	25. A Fucking Sweetheart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even find their way back to each other

Isak finally got out of bed around noon, throwing on fresh clothes, needing the scent of last night off of him.  He smelled like Even and while that brought comfort at first, he couldn’t handle it any longer, especially since Even’s clothes were folded at the edge of his bed.  He took out his computer and began doing more research on bipolar disorder, wanting to understand everything better.  It was all so confusing though as he learned not every bipolar person requires the same treatment, or reacts the same way.  Even’s bipolar disorder was something he could only understand from Even.

 

“Hey.”  Isak looked up and there was Chris in his doorway.  He took the younger boy in and sighed.  “Did you sleep at all?”  


 

“No.”  He muttered in reply, looking at Chris briefly before going back to his laptop.

 

“Isak.”  The older boy sat next to Even’s clothes and frowned at them.  He wanted to push them to the floor, not because he was jealous or dislike Even but because Isak was wallowing.  Wallowing would change nothing in his eyes.  “Have you heard from  him?”  

 

“I haven't looked at my phone."  He shrugged.  He had placed it on his nightstand when he’d gotten home, it was probably dead by now and that was fine with him.

 

“Come on.  If you don’t talk to him, he’ll be stuck with that Synnøve chick.”  

 

“Sonja, her name is Sonja.  She had him for four years, we couldn't last two weeks.”  Isak muttered bitterly.  “I was just some manic episode.”

 

“Woah, I missed when you broke up.”  Chris retorted, laying back so he was side by side with Isak.  “You started dating a guy who has bipolar disorder and he had an episode, but you were not the episode.  I don’t know much about it but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t your fault, no way.  It’s only over now if you want it to be.”

 

“I don’t know.”  Isak shrugged again, he had a hard time believing Even and him were real anymore.

 

“Yeah, you do.”  Chris nudged his elbow into Isak’s.  

 

“I’m not-it’s not that I don’t want to be with him, I do.  I really do.  I just don’t want to make him worse.”  His voice broke when he was done speaking and he blinked back a few tears, tired of crying.

 

“You couldn’t.”  Chris murmured and took Isak’s hand, squeezing it gently.  “You’re a fucking sweetheart, Isak.  He’s lucky to have you.”

 

He did turn check his phone later on and there were multiple texts from Even.  They were lyrics from “Cherry Wine” by Nas and Amy Winehouse.  Isak didn’t reply, unsure of what to say.  Feeling masochistic, he put the song on and began reading comments and facts about it.  One quote struck him in particular,

 

_ It’s a song about soulmates _

 

He still didn’t reply to Even though, unable to shake the feeling that this was his fault.  Sonja knew how to handle this, he didn’t.  If Sonja had gone with him to the hotel, he wouldn’t have run naked into the street.  Then, as if he wasn’t emotional enough, he got another text but from his mother.  He had forgotten about his coming out to her.

 

_To Isak, my son.  From the first second I saw you on July 21st 1999 at 21:21, I have loved you and I will always love you for all eternity._

 

Isak let a few happy tears escape and he clutched his phone to his heart, letting out a shaky breath.  His mother loved him, his mother accepted him, and now maybe they could be okay. Maybe he could have a real mom.

 

Isak spent the next few day getting pep talks from his flatmates.  Eskild telling him that it will get better even if he doesn’t feel like it will (he really didn’t), Linn telling him he’ll eventually move on and hate Even (he would never), Noora making him tea and telling him, with a soft and teasing smile, that he was an idiot if he didn’t try and make it work (he knew she was right).

 

He skipped school Monday, another day of wallowing in his own sadness entirely needed.  Eskild ordered him a pizza and let him watch whatever he wanted on TV, much to Noora’s annoyance when they watched yet another Iron Man movie. Tuesday though, he braved it, worried he would see Even there but also hoping he would.  Eva greeted him with a warm hug at his locker.

 

“I hope it’s okay that Chris told me.”  She whispered as she pulled away from his hold.

 

“He’s your boyfriend after all.”  Isak muttered, and sighed knowing they both meant well.  “It’s okay, Eva.  Thanks for the hug.”

 

“Have you spoken to Even?”  Isak shook his head and Eva pursed her lips, wanting to give him the right advice.  “Do you want to?”

 

“Yes.”  

 

“The words will come, Isak.  Just give it time and until then, my house always has wine.”  He gave her a sad smile and let her walk him to his next class.  As much as he liked to pretend her hovering was annoying, he’d have broken down without her starting his day.

 

By lunch time, he had to face the boys and tell them what had happened.  He’d successfully avoided them the last few days but now there was no getting away now.  It was time to come clean.  He knew they’d be there for him, that was the problem.  He loved his friends for their recent support but now he just wanted to think.

 

“Hey.”  He sat down, and Mahdi’s eyes went wide at his plate.

 

“Are you kidding?  They have waffles in the cafeteria.”  Isak nodded and Mahdi ran off in search of his own waffles.

 

“What’s up with you not being at school?”  Jonas questioned.

 

“I’m a little down.”  He admitted, looking down at his waffles.

 

“What’s up?”  Jonas replied, looking worried.  He thought his best friend was on cloud nine with the new boyfriend.

 

“Even lost it.”  He sighed, relieving it was more painful each time.  “He took me to a hotel and it was going great until he went into the street naked in the middle of the night.”

 

“Who did?”  Magnus asked as he joined them.

 

“Even.”

 

“Oh, that’s hilarious.”  Magnus chuckled, looking to Jonas for backup but got a shaking head instead.

 

“It’s not funny.”  Isak felt his blood boiling.  It had been one of the worst nights of his life and Magnus, who had a bipolar mother, had the audacity to laugh.

 

“It’s comical, though.  You know what my mom did once?  She was so pissed at the NSB and she found out who the regional director was and sent in a letter of resignation in his name.”  He retold, Jonas laughed, Isak didn’t.  Magnus decided to shift his focus.  “Where’s Even now, though?”  


“At home, I guess.”  

 

“No I mean like, in his head.  Is he stoked or is he depressed?”  


 

“I haven’t talked to him.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because everything’s been bullshit on his part?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“He’s been manic.”

 

“You’ve been with him for quite some time, he hasn’t been manic the whole time.  Like when my mom is manic, I can’t get in contact with her.  You’ve had lots of contact with Even.”  Magnus was not going to let Isak believe that.  Whether he wanted to be with Even or not, he didn’t want him thinking bipolar disorder worked like that.

 

“Yeah, but Sonja said he’s been manic the entire time.“  


“Who’s Sonja?”

 

“His ex.”  Once again, Magnus laughed and Isak was sure he hated him.

 

“So you trust his ex saying he doesn’t have feelings for you?”  Magnus had never sounded more sarcastic in his life and Isak felt pretty stupid.  “Wow, that’s smart Isak, best thing I’ve heard all day.  Have you tried asking Even how he feels?  Remember what I told you last time, he’s not brain dead just bipolar.”

 

“You’re pretty cool Mags.” Jonas finally spoke and they began speaking while Isak sat and processed.  Maybe, just maybe, he and Even could work.

 

He tried, he really did.  He called Even and texted him but he got no reply.  Magnus said that meant he was probably depressed and Isak should just be patient but still reach out.  He didn’t know how to go forward though.  Should he keep texting Even?  Keep calling?  Go to his house?  He decided to put pause on it and place his focus on the concert with his parents.

 

He had already told his father that Even wasn’t coming.  He said it was because it was over but he hoped that wasn’t true.  He didn’t want it to be over, he wanted to try.  He wasn’t his father, he wouldn’t just give up on Even for something out of his control.  He wanted all of Even.

 

He got dressed for the church with shaking hands.  His mother and his father, in a church, while he grappled with what was going on with him and Even.  Right now though, he had to put that aside and focus on his mom.  She had made a huge step in accepting him, he wanted to show her that love back.  As he left, Eskild gave him a hug and a kiss upon his cheek.

 

“I’ll be fine Guru.”  He reassured his roommate.

 

“You always are, Isak, but call me if you need it.”  Isak smiled gratefully.  “If I don’t answer, call Noora.  If Noora, doesn’t answer that’s it because Linn won’t help you.”

 

“Got it.”  He chuckled and felt more at ease as he left the apartment.  Once he arrived at the church, he slowly walked towards his parents.  The bright crosses and religious imagery made him nervous, like he didn’t belong there because of them.  He let Sana’s words wash over him, religion wasn’t hateful, people were but religion didn’t have to be.  

 

“Isak.”  His mother smiled warmly and hugged him close.  He let himself be embraced and found himself smiling fondly, he had missed her.  “I’m so glad you came.”  


“Me too.”  He replied.  Next, his dad brought him in for another hug and again, he smiled.  Maybe he could have a relationship with his parents.  He could have mentally ill people in his life, because they were still people, and in this case, he had one who loved him since he was born.  He couldn’t ignore that.

 

“I can’t believe we’re here, where Isak was baptized.”  Isak blushed as his mother said that and she caught him.  “I’m sorry, listen to me going on like-“

 

“It’s okay Mamma, I don’t mind.”  She looked relieved and touched, reaching over to squeeze his hand.  

 

“Maybe after this, we could all go for some dinner.”  His father suggested.

 

“Sounds good to me.”  Isak replied.  His parents began discussing the program and his phone went off.  He took a moment to check and he fought to downplay an emotional reaction because it was Even.

 

_Dear Isak.  I am now sitting at the place where we met each other for the first time and I’m thinking about you.  Soon it’ll be 21:21.  I want to tell you a thousand things.  Sorry for scaring you, sorry for hurting you, sorry for not calling you back.  I was afraid of losing you.  I’d forgotten that it’s not possible to lose someone, that all people are alone anyway.  In a different place in the universe, we are together for all eternity, remember that.  Love you, Even._

 

Isak read the text, and a smile formed on his face.  He would respond after the concert and everything would be okay because he loved Even and Even loved him back.  Everything would be okay.  

 

He sat with his parents in their pew and listened as the first performer started to sing.  He spotted the bright, large cross behind him and he was struck with images: Even in his Jesus shirt, Romeo and Juliet, the video of him at Bakka discussing epic love stories and death, his note reading “sleep is the cousin to death”, and him in their hotel telling him the only way to have something forever is to lose it.  He went back to read Even’s text and he began to grow worried.  Was Even going to take his own life?  He had read depression can lead to suicide but would Even go that far?  Was this text a goodbye?  

 

He had to go.  He turned to his mother and whispered,

 

“I’m sorry, I have an emergency with…with my boyfriend and I have to go.”  She looked disappointed but she nodded.

 

“It’s okay baby, go on.  I’ll see you soon.”  She knew how Isak had taken care of her, and by the look in his eyes now, this Even needed the same care.  There was no stopping him.

 

Isak kissed her cheek and got out of the church as quickly as he could.  He began running towards Nissen, headed for the bench where he and Even had sat together and smoked.  He began remembering their entire relationship until now: meeting in the bathroom, smoking weed and making bad cheese toasties, the neon party, their first kiss, the weekend they spent locked up in Isak’s room, the locker room where he’d hurt him with his ignorance, their reunion, and the hotel before it all went wrong.  He had to try and save Even, let him know he’s not alone.  

 

He reached the bench and no Even.  He was too late, Even wasn’t here anymore and who knew where he was.  He turned his head to the doors and, by some miracle, there was Even walking out.  He stopped in his tracks at the sight of Isak and for a moment they stared at each other.  Isak, relieved that he wasn’t too late and he could still save Even.  Even, shocked that Isak cared enough to come to him.  

 

They walked to each other slowly, both afraid that if they went too fast, the other would disappear.  Their faces were close now, Isak leaning in to kiss both of Even’s cheeks, Even rubbing his lightly against Isak’s.  He couldn’t believe the younger boy was showing him affection and love after all he’d put him through.  He didn’t deserve Isak, and soon he’d tell him but for now, he’d allow himself a few more moments of his touch and kiss.

 

Then, as if Isak knew what Even was thinking, he took his face in his hands and looked him right in the eyes.  

 

“You are not alone.”  He whispered, reminded of when Eva told him the same thing.  He needed Even to believe that, to believe that in this universe, they could be together.  In this universe, Even had someone who wouldn’t run from him.

 

Even let the words wash over him, wishing he could believe them.  He wished his depression would be silent and he’d believe that this beautiful boy wouldn’t leave him.  He had to tell Isak that he’d just hurt him and it was best that he stayed away and found someone better, someone who wasn’t fucked up.  He loved Isak, and he had to set him free.  

 

As he was about to speak, Isak kissed him.  He kissed him softly and gently, pouring his love into the kiss so it would have the same weight as his words.  He wasn’t naive, he knew this wouldn’t be an easy relationship, but it was the relationship he wanted.  When they kiss ended, he pulled Even into a tight embrace, never wanting to let him go.  Even had saved him from his fears about being with a boy again, it was his turn to save him back.  

 

“Come back to my place.”  He whispered into the older boy’s ear.  “Please.”

 

“Okay.”  Even nodded but they kept holding each other.  It felt like home.  Eventually, they began walking back, Isak holding Even’s hand and guiding him.  Even didn’t say or do much of anything, just let Isak be his protector for the night.  Tomorrow, tomorrow he would set the younger boy free but for now, he’d fall into this.  He’d let Isak love him for one more night.

 

They headed into the Kollectivet, both relived that everyone was either in their rooms or out.  Both left their shoes outside of Isak’s room and shed their coats.  Even sent a quick text to his parents letting him know where he was and then he shut his phone off.  Isak led Even to his bed, pulling the blankets over both of them and kissing his cheek.

 

“Sleep, baby.”  He murmured and Even nodded, feeling weak and drained.  He had no words or emotions left so he would do just that, sleep.  Isak, however, would spend the night falling in and out of sleep as he was so focused on Even.  He’d watch him to make sure he was sleeping peacefully, eventually giving him all the blankets and keeping him tucked in.  He didn’t know what would come next, but for now Even was safe and that was all he cared about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I wanted to try and do a real scene with Isak and his parents because I think they dropped the ball in season 3 by not doing that. I also wanted him to say goodbye to his parents before he left because I've watched O Helga Natt enough times that I'm a little off put that he just bails  
> 2\. Next chapter may be the last, but I also might keep this going for season 4. I just need to figure out how to work Chris in  
> 3\. Thoughts? Feelings? Recipes?


	26. Life is Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak reflects on the people who have changed his life and decides to live for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. In fact, after much back and forth about continuing this story to include season fur, I've decided to end it here. I'm very busy lately, and I just do not have the time to commit to this story any longer, and I love it too much to half ass it or abandon it. Thank you to everyone who read this and gave me comments/kudos, it meant the world.

Isak had watched over Even all night but he didn’t mind, there was nothing he would’ve rather done.  When morning came, he sent a text over to Sonja wanting word to get to Even’s parents that he was safe.  He knew Sonja hated him but hopefully, she’d put Even’s safety first.  Soon after the text was sent, she began calling him.  He got out of bed, to not disturb Even, and took the call in the hallway.

 

“I don’t have the number to his parents so-“

 

“No, but they know that he’s with you, he sent them a text.”  Sonja confirmed, and then after a small pause, “I just called to say that I’m sorry for last time.”

 

“Oh.”  Isak was stunned.  She had been so adamant a week ago that he was to blame for this, and he still thought so.  How could she have changed her mind so quickly?

 

“No, but I didn’t mean to get angry with you.  It wasn’t your fault, at all.”  It had been easy to blame Isak but it had nothing to do with him.  Even had a mental illness, nothing to do with Isak.  She had been agitated that Even had dumped her and moved on so quickly but that had nothing to do with Isak.  He was an easy target for her anger, but it wasn’t fair to him.

 

“Yeah but you were worried so, I understand.”

 

“And it’s not your fault that Even is depressed.  He’s bipolar and…well, it’s not your fault.”  Truthfully, she felt for Isak.  She’d known Even before his diagnosis and the first time she saw him have an episode, she’d been terrified.  Once she put herself in Isak’s shoes, she gained a lot of empathy and a wish to help him.  He probably wouldn’t want it, but she wanted to try and offer support. “Okay?”

 

“Okay.”  He confirmed, wanting to believe her.  “Should I get him to his parents or something?”

 

“I actually think it’s good for him to be with you.”  Sonja knew Even, as annoying as Even found that fact, she did.  She knew he had strong feelings for Isak, and being with him would be what he’d want most.  She just hoped he would allow himself to have this with Isak and not convince himself he didn’t deserve it.  She was hurt by their breakup, but she wanted good things for Even.

 

“Okay, is there anything I can do?”  

 

“No, not really.  You just need to be there for him and when everything seems hopeless, take it one day at a time.  And if one day becomes too much, just take it one hour at a time.  And if one hour becomes too much, take it a minute at a time.”  Sonja knew that was the best advice she could ever give Isak, and she hoped he’d take it.

 

Isak got back into bed and resumed watching Even, torn between wanting to talk to him and wanting him to rest.  Once Even did wake up, he struggled to even look at Isak.  He was so good, so wonderful, and he shouldn’t be stuck taking care of him.  Even wanted better for Isak.

 

“Hi.”  Isak greeted.

 

“Hi.”  Even responded quietly, not wanting to be heard, and stared up at the ceiling.

 

“Hungry?”  Isak asked gently, trying to be natural.

 

“What time is it?”  Even finally looked over at the younger boy, wanting one last look at him before he left.

 

“Around ten thirty or something.”

 

“I should leave.”  Isak felt his heart crack at how weak Even looked and sounded.  It seemed like it was a struggle for him to even be awake, and Isak didn’t want him going anywhere.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I don’t want you to lie here and feel like you have to look after me.”

 

“I don’t feel like I’m looking after you and why is that wrong?”

 

“There’s nothing wrong with it.  I just can’t stand you lying here all sad.”  He had ruined Sonja’s life, he knew that, and he wouldn’t ruin Isak’s.  He would end this now before he put the younger boy through any more pain.  That’s all he brought people: hurt.

 

“i’m not sad.”  This wasn’t about him and his feelings, it was about Even.

 

“I just know that this isn’t going to work out.”

 

“Why do you say that?”

 

“Because it’s true.  I’m just going to hurt you and then you’ll hate me.  You’ve gone through enough with Chris and Eva and Jonas, you don’t need my problems.”

 

“No.  You don’t know shit about how this is going to end.  I mean, we might get a nuclear bomb dropped on our heads tomorrow and discussing this will just be a huge waste of time.  I suggest that you just screw talking about the future and then the two of us will just take this thing completely chill.  Let’s play a game.  It’s called Isak and Even: Minute for Minute.  The only thing we need to worry about is the next minute.  You up for it?”

 

“Okay.  What should we do in this minute?”

 

“This minute, we’ll kiss.”  Even gave Isak a small smile, and Isak would remember it always.  That one brief smile singled that they would be alright.

 

“That’s chill.”  


 

“That’s chill.”

 

Even spent the weekend in Isak’s room sleeping.  Eskild, Noora, and Linn all understood and gave them their space.  Even wasn’t in a talking mood and spent most of their time sleeping.  Isak would try to get him to eat but normally it was to no avail.  Monday was fast approaching and, because they’re all saints, his roommates agreed to watch over Even while he was in school.  

 

“Hi Isak!”  He was first greeted by Vilde.  She seemed bright and excited, it was actually nice to see her.  He loved messing with her as much as anyone but he still remembered the first time he met her, the same night he met Chris.  She was crying, lonely, and desperate for a friend.  He couldn’t help but parallel his journey with hers, it was a good feeling to know they were both a lot happier with people who supported them.  “Have you seen the message I posted on the Kosegrouppa page?”

 

“The Kosegrouppa?”  He chuckled, he completely forgot about that.  He only kept going for Even and once he had Even, he saw no need.  “No, I haven’t seen it.”

 

“Why are you laughing?”  

 

“I had just forgotten the Kosegrouppa even exists.”  The moment the words left his mouth, he regretted them.  He knew Vilde well enough to know, that would not make her happy.

 

“You’re still in it?”  She questioned.  “This is when the revue starts.  You can’t just be a part of the partying and not do any of the work.”

 

“No, of course I’m still in the Kosegrouppa, Vilde.”  Lately, he’d been handling a lot differently.  He’d try that with Vilde.  “Who do you think I am?”

 

“Okay because all of the groups have this Christmas get-together.”  It worked, she was happy again.  “So, I was wondering if we could possibly have it at yours?”  

 

“Yeah.”  He was done hiding, he wanted to have the people he cared about at his place for Christmas.  He had a lot to be thankful for, and it was time to start celebrating it.

 

“Yeah?  Is it okay with your roomies?”

 

“I’m sure it is, yeah.”  He replied, nodding.  He thought back to the neon party and how this exchange with Vilde went then.  It felt like another lifetime.

 

“I’ll send out the invites then!”  She said cheerily.  

 

“Go ahead.”  He encouraged.  Once she was gone, he grabbed his biology book and glanced down the hall.  There was Emma.  He had made things right with Sonja, he supposed it was time to work it out with her.

 

“Hey.”  She looked up and, thankfully, didn’t seem angry.  If anything, she seemed nervous.  “There’s this asshole in second year who will be hosting this Christmas get-together with the Kosegrouppa on Friday.  So, he was wondering if you wanted to come?  Because, he thinks that would be really nice.”  He had been hurt by Emma, but he knew that he hurt her as well.  He led her on, and it wasn’t cool.

 

“I have switched to the PR-group, so…”  She said and he told her he understood.  “But you should tell the asshole that I’m very glad he asked.  You should also tell him that he’s not that much of an asshole and if he ever comes to one of my parties again, it’ll be a safer place for him.”  

 

“I’ll tell the asshole, yeah.”  They shared a smile and she was off.  He probably would never seek Emma out again, but to know they could both move on and be mature was enough.

 

The next few days, everyone took care of Even.  Most of the time, it went well and he got great updates from his roommates.  However, the previous day, Noora let him know that Even was unresponsive.  He came home and found Even huddled in darkness, breathing but not reacting.  His gut reaction was to compare him to his mother, and get upset but then he remembered “minute for minute.”  He just took it slowly, let Even sleep, and did the best he could in each moment.  He had learned a lot from his mother, from Magnus, from Sonja, and now from Even himself.  This was life, and he would face it openly and honestly.  

 

Wednesday, he came home to a much happier situation.  Even was out of bed and playing FIFA with Linn, who was much happier than normal herself.  Even was showing to bring Linn out of her own normal funk as well.  Theirs was a dynamic he hoped to see progress.

 

“Hey!”  He greeted them, his heart fluttering when Even gave him a bright smile.  

 

“Nice, you’re home.  I’m fucking exhausted.”  Linn groaned.

 

“Sore loser?”  Even teased her and Isak couldn’t keep his eyes off of his boyfriend.  He was teasing, he was charming, and he seemed happy.  “Cool hanging with you, Linn.”  Once she was gone, Isak went over to Even, greeting him again and pressing a sweet kiss to his lips.  They laid down, taking each other in and Isak could see hesitancy in Even’s eyes.

 

“Everything okay?”

 

“Did you ask your roommates to look after me?”

 

“No!”  He couldn’t tell if Even was upset but he hoped he wasn’t.  He didn’t want Even to feel like an infant, but he didn’t feel right leaving him alone without people checking in.

 

“Holy fuck!  You’re such a bad liar.”  Even chuckled, eyes twinkling.  He felt much lighter, comforted by Isak’s presence.  

 

“I’m a bad liar?”  Isak laughed, deciding to play this up.  “I’m the fucking master liar, there’s no one who’s a better liar than me!  I mean, you have no idea what I’ve gotten away with.”

 

“Well, tell me.”  Even requested fondly.  He knew better than to think Isak could “fix” him but he was doing a damn good job of making him feel safe and loved.  That was all he could want from this boy.  “What have you gotten away with?”

 

“No, I mean you don’t want to know.”  Even let out a loud laugh and it warmed Isak’s heart.  Even being happy meant the world to him, all he wanted was to see his boyfriend smiling. 

 

“I like seeing you laugh.”  He murmured, running his thumb along Even’s bottom lip.  Their moment was interrupted as Vilde called him.  “Ugh, Vilde.  Nagging me so much about the Kosegrouppa.”

 

“I had completely forgotten about it.”  

 

“Yeah, don’t tell her that cause she’ll get pissed.  She’s terrified people just joined for the parties or something.”

 

“Well, I was there to meet you.”  

 

“Seriously?”  

 

That changed everything.  

 

“Yeah, did you think I was there for have fun?”  Even joked, trying to lighten the mood some but it was nearly impossible when Isak was looking at him like that.  It was a shock to him though, how could Isak not see that Even had wanted him from day one?

 

“Had you seen me before the first meeting?”

 

“Yeah, I saw you on the first day of school.”  The tone of Even’s voice and the loving look in his eyes was overwhelming but Isak couldn’t look away.  Even had been seeking him out this whole time?  Isak was always his plan, he was always on the older boy’s mind.  He had been Even’s first choice.  This was what he’d always wanted.

 

“Woah.”  He breathed, still processing this news.  His heart was so full of Even and he didn’t want it any other way.  Eventually, he did answer Vilde and gave her advice on how to get a Christmas tree, snapping at her some because she had ruined the mood he had going with Even, damnit.

 

“Christmas tree?”  Even questioned after he hung up.

 

“Yeah, I haven’t told you but I’ll be hosting a Christmas get-together here on Friday for Kosegrouppa.”  

 

“Here?  Friday?”  Even tensed.  He wasn’t sure if he was ready to face a big group so soon.  He was doing better but he was also safe in Isak’s room with just him and his roommates.  

 

“Do you wanna come?”  Isak asked gently.  He wouldn’t push, but he did want Even there.  The idea of hosting a party and having his boyfriend there excited him.  He was ready for people to know he and Even were a couple.

 

“I actually spoke with my mom today and she really wanted me to stop by at home to eat and stuff.  I was thinking maybe I’ll just stay there for a while.”

 

“Just take it one day at a time.”  Isak could tell Even was lying, or at least making an excuse and that was okay.  If Even needed to be away from the group, he could understand that.  Sonja was right, all he could do was take things one moment at a time and in this moment, he would support Even’s choice.

 

Even smiled softly at Isak, touched by his words.  Isak had been so good to him the past few days, and he had no idea what he’d done to deserve this boy.  He turned on his side to kiss him slowly and gently, a kiss that said ‘thank you for being you and being with me.’  When it was over, he stroked the younger boy’s face gently.   They smiled at one another and gazed into each other’s eyes, they were falling in love.  This was the type of love Isak had yearned for and he was going to embrace it; minute for minute.

 

As the week went on, Isak convinced the boys to come to the party and he convinced Even to venture out with him to find a Christmas tree.

 

“I thought Vilde was doing this.”  

 

“Apparently she’s too busy getting everything else together, I don’t know.”  Isak lied.  Truthfully, he used this a ruse to see if Even would go out.  They had once earlier for some kebab but this was more of an outing.  Of course, had Even said no, he would’ve respected that and told Vilde to do it but he was grateful he’d said yes.

 

“Wow, you really are a terrible liar.”  Even teased, seeing right through Isak.  He slowly took his hand, lacing their fingers together.  Isak looked up at his boyfriend, back at their hands, and back at Even.  “Okay?”

 

“Okay.”  He murmured and took a deep breath.  It was still new, but holding Even’s hand in public felt right.  As they looked around for just the right tree, Isak decided it was time for another step in his coming out: Instagram.  “Wait.”

 

“What?”  Isak took out his phone and opened the camera, and Even smiled.  They had taken a lot of photos a few weeks ago, and he hoped they’d build up through their relationship.  He liked having the physical memories of their love.  Isak smiled at the camera and Even leaned in to kiss his cheek, one hand under his boyfriend’s chin.  

 

“I like it.”  Isak whispered as he took it in and opened Instagram.  He hit upload, captioning it with ‘No Filter’.  “Okay?”  

 

“Okay.” 

 

They were much more than okay.

 

The party was under way and Isak was over the moon.  All of his closest friends in one place, and Even was on his way back from his parent’s.  He knew for a fact that he had never been this happy, and he wasn’t going to be afraid of it, he was going to embrace it.  

 

Everyone else seemed happy too.  The girls were sitting together making papier-mâché penises, Eskild and Linn were having some drinks and playfully bantering, and Isak was with the boys trying to help Magnus hook up with Vilde.

 

“But you gotta, like you can’t make a big deal out of it because then the prey will flee.”  Jonas explained.

 

“Not bad advice, Jonas.”  Chris chuckled, entering to grab another beer.  “But isn’t this like the blind leading the blind?  When was the last time either of you got laid?”  He joked, gesturing to Magnus and Mahdi.

 

“Chris.”  Isak warned.

 

“Kidding.”  He sing-songed.  “Jonas’ reputation as a ladies’ man is still going strong from last year.”

 

“Ah, last year, when you actually went to our school and it made sense for you to be at our parties.”  Jonas retorted with an eye roll.

 

“Hey, I’m with Eva.”  Chris looked at Jonas with playful yet challenging eyes.

 

“Can we focus on me, I’m freaking out here?”  Magnus alerted, gesturing to his heart.

 

“Are you in love?”  Mahdi asked with a small grin, amused by both Magnus and the tension between Chris and Jonas.

 

“Yeah, I think.”  The boys all “ooh’d” except Chris who rolled his eyes but made sure no one saw him.  Isak looked over to the entryway and saw Even walking in, raising his eyebrows at him.

 

“Hey.”  The other boys noticed him and greeted him in response.  “What’s up?”

 

“A gay dude and two guys who never get any are trying to help another guy who doesn’t get any get a girl.”  Chris explained with a smirk.

 

“Nice to see you as always, Chris.”  Even muttered, shaking his head.

 

“Anyway, Magnus just shouldn’t be so desperate and I think he’ll get it.”  Isak cut in, playing peace maker again.

 

“It’s just that it’s fucking impossible not to be desperate when I don’t get what it means to be desperate.”  Magnus groaned.  “How am I supposed to fucking get-“

 

“So just imagine, who do you think of as a cool, laid-back guy?”  Jonas questioned.

 

“You know what, Magnus.”  Even spoke up.  “i just think you should go all in, and be more of yourself.  Take desperate to a new level.”

 

“He’s onto something.”  Mahdi said.

 

“What do you mean?”  Isak looked to Even who was clearly enjoying the attention he was getting.  Chris watched the pair with fond eyes, deciding to keep his mouth shut for a moment.

 

“Well, show her just how desperate you really are, then!  Go all out!”  

 

“Take desperate to a new level.”  Magnus repeated to himself.  “Fuck, I’m gonna do this.”  He grabbed his beer and left the kitchen with Mahdi and Jonas in tow.  Even and Isak looked to each other and Chris suddenly felt very unwelcome but he still couldn’t help from messing with hem.

 

“You want me to go?”  They ignored him, Even moving over to Isak and putting a hand on his hip.  “I can go.”  

 

“Hey.”  Even murmured, and Chris finally took a hint and left.

 

“Hey.”  Isak whispered, barely registering Chris.  They shared a quick kiss and then both leaned against the kitchen counter.  “Sorry about Chris, I know he can be-“

 

“He’s not so bad.”  Even shrugged and Isak smiled, relieved to hear that.  He knew Chris was a handful, and he and Jonas would probably never get on but knowing Even could be at peace with their friendship was everything.  

 

He and Even caught up on his visit with his parents, and then both caught up with Sana who returned his weed from months ago.  Sana had changed a lot of his perspectives, and he had so much gratitude for their friendship as well.  Once he and Even were alone again, it somehow  led to the older boy lifting Isak onto the kitchen counter to make out.

 

“Isak, people eat there!”  They broke apart to see Chris standing there with Eva, who smacked him for ruining their moment.

 

“I take it back, I don’t like him at all.”  Even muttered.  

 

“Even, come with me.”  Eva looped her arm through Even’s, smiling up at him.  “The girls and I need an impartial judge on our penis’.”  Once they were gone, Isak hopped off the counter and looked to Chris.

 

“They didn’t trust me because I’m her boyfriend.”  Chris explained with a sly grin.

 

“Oh, you’ve got a label now?”  

 

“I think so.”  

 

“It’s about damn time.”  Isak chuckled, shaking his head.

 

“We only stayed away from it because we knew you’d get jealous, golden boy.”  Chris teased, ruffling Isak’s hair.  “We had to wait until you finally came out and got yourself a man.  She didn’t want you to steal me.”

 

“Of course.”

 

“So, I noticed something.  I called you gay earlier, and you didn’t correct me or get upset.”  Chris was gentle and calm as he spoke.  He didn’t want to make a huge fuss, but he was proud of the blonde for how far he’d come.

 

“Because…I am.”  It was still new to him, and he was still getting comfortable with the identifier but he was proud.  He was proud of himself, and proud to be with Even.

 

“Cool.”  They shared a smile and looked at each other for a few beats.  Their relationship history seemed to be playing through both of their heads.  For Isak, he would always be thankful to Chris for trying to protect him, and pushing him to be authentic.  For Chris, he would always be thankful to Isak for giving him someone to care for and for showing him he could be a good guy.  They had left a mark on each other that nothing and no one could shake.  They were family.

 

Later on, Isak was sat with Eva who was working on a new Christmas craft.

 

“So, who won?”

 

“Chris.”  Eva rolled her eyes.  “Your boyfriend said the color and the details were the best.  In the interest of full disclosure, I must tell you that she kissed him on the cheek.”

 

“What?  I thought she was into me.”  He gasped playfully.

 

“You’re old news, Isak.  Your boyfriend is the new handsome man in town.”

 

“I’ll be worried when I see her with a spoon.”  He joked, glancing over at Even who was helping Eskild hang mistletoe.  “So, I hear you and Chris, boy Chris, are official.”

 

“No, me and girl Chris are official.”  Eva playfully shook her head.  “I think we are, yeah.  You and the girls are the only ones who know though.”

 

“I’m happy for you two.”

 

“Yeah, you’re not gonna steal him?”

 

“As long as you don’t steal Even.”

 

“It’s a deal.”  Eva giggled, shaking Isak’s hand.  “So, is he the man of your dreams?”

 

“That I don’t know.”

 

“No?”

 

“Is it important?”

 

“No, but, I thought you two were okay?”  


 

“We are.  I mean, now it’s amazing but last week it was very bad so-we’re taking it one day at a time.”  Eva nodded, listening intently.  “The fact that it’s so good when it’s good is also why it’s so bad when it’s bad, you know?  It’s a bit up and down and it could suddenly all be over tomorrow but I’m still insanely happy that I met him.”

 

“Because that’s when you were certain that you like boys?”

 

“Yeah but, more because I was fake before it.  I was lying at home watching Narcos, and gaming.  Or, I was pretending to like Emma or Sara, when I knew I didn’t.”  He explained further, and Eva smiled, she knew that life all too well.  “I’m over that, now I want my life to be real.  Even if that means it’ll be awful at times, it’s still way better than for everything to be fake and boring.”

 

“Well said.”

 

“It’s a little bit cliche but you never know who’ll die tomorrow.  And, whether you believe in Allah, or Jesus, the theory of evolution, or parallel universes, there’s one thing we know for certain-“  Before he could tell her, he glanced over at Even again, lost in him.  This beautiful boy who had shown Isak the love he’d craved for so long.  Then, he looked at Eskild, his guru (even if he pretended to hate calling him that) who taught him that being gay was more than one thing.  Then, Jonas, his best friend and the first boy he ever had feelings for who showed him love and acceptance when he came out.  Then, Chris, the first boy he was ever with who set his heart on fire, and had become a huge part of his life.  Finally, back at Eva, the girl he once envied and sabotaged who showed him kindness and a love he didn’t believe he deserved once upon a time.  These four had changed his life.

 

He had been wrong a year ago, he was loved, he was so loved.  All of these people had put him first, and had his best interests at heart.  He thought everyone was guilty of making him a second choice or backup plan, but he had done that to himself all along.  He was going to be his own first choice.  He would live now, he would live for those who love him, and he would live for himself.  

 

“What’s that?”  Eva questioned, bringing him back to reality.

 

 

“That life is now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay last little commentary on the work
> 
> 1\. My main goal was to wrap this up and show/discuss the impact the main players of this story (Chris, Even, Jonas, and Eva) had on Isak but also Eskild, Vilde, and Sana.  
> 2\. The kiss and end of the "one day at a time scene" is possibly one of my favorite shots of all time. The way Even gazes at Isak like he's the most precious and beautiful thing he's ever seen gets me every time.  
> 3\. I had fun putting Chris into the boy squad thing and frankly, I wish Chris was in canon a bit more. He's a good comic relief and he stirs things up in a good way. I wish Julie would make him and Eva a thing for real because it's better than the ambiguity of it all.  
> 4\. I am 100% team "Even lifted Isak onto the counter in the kitchen but we didn't see it"  
> 5\. Isak's life is now speech has resonated with me so much since I first heard it and I hope it resonates with all of you. I hope you all live for now, embrace yourselves, and live to love.  
> 6\. Thank you again to all who read this story, I hope you understand why I am not continuing. I loved writing this, I loved the world I created for Chris and Isak and I love it too much to say I'm going to continue when I know it's not realistic for my schedule right now.

**Author's Note:**

> Isak will be a bit disgruntled (esp towards poor Eva) and lash out at the start, he's overflowing with feelings. 
> 
> Thoughts? Criticism? Love? A need to rant that there's no season 4 trailer? Leave it all below!


End file.
